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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827059">Reclaim the Stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam19'>gmariam19 (gmariam)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, First Kiss, First Order Poe Dameron, Force Tree, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Injured Finn (Star Wars), Injured Poe Dameron, Light Angst, Lightsabers, M/M, Mind Control, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Finn (Star Wars), POV Poe Dameron, Planet Yavin 4 (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Shara Bey's Ring, The Dark Side of the Force (Star Wars)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:42:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>58,759</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827059</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Six months after Exegol, Finn and Poe struggle to lead the Resistance in a galaxy that won't listen to their concerns. There is a new threat building beyond the borders, and it will change everything for them, including the future they hoped for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Finn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> One </span>
</p><p>Poe Dameron is bored.</p><p>There are at least a dozen different things he should do, from reviewing the latest intelligence data to the briefing with Connix he keeps putting off; from going over the maintenance specs on the two Y-wings they'd found abandoned on Dantooine (and wouldn't he rather be working on ships instead of always reading about them) to the tactical, medical, and supply reports for their new base of operations. And that doesn't even include the constant stream of communication with the New Republic and various other planetary governments that Poe struggles with, lacking the patience and tact necessary for sensitive diplomatic discussions.</p><p>There is always something to do now that the war is over, and yet sometimes Poe wants nothing to do with it. It had been good at first, in the heady days after Exegol when they'd been so relieved to finally stop fighting, ready to move on and rebuild the galaxy they'd fought so hard to preserve. The galaxy had believed in them, had listened to them, because they'd destroyed an entire Sith Fleet, hadn't they? Leia Organa had been telling them for <em>years</em> that they were in danger; she'd been more right than anyone could have possibly imagined, and it was her Resistance that had saved them.</p><p>Only Leia is gone, and six months later, it's as if the galaxy has already forgotten the lessons of the past. After skirmishes with both the Resistance fleet and the New Republic, the First Order finally surrendered, and every day it seems a new treaty is being signed somewhere to ensure peace. In most parts of the galaxy, planets are rebuilding, and that peace seems to be slowly settling. Yet the one thing they need most now is the one thing no one will even consider. They don't need more diplomats, or treaties, or promises to sign more treaties with more diplomats; they need <em>security</em>, and no one will listen to him.</p><p>Poe isn't bored; he is frustrated.</p><p>The New Republic is still slow in pulling itself together, has been since the destruction of the Hosnian system. The fall of the First Order has splintered it even more as some systems call for a more central government to bring stability to the galaxy, while others maintain they will remain independent. It's the same argument, the same players; an endless cycle, it seems, of war and peace.</p><p>The galaxy doesn't need a central set of governing principles—recent history has proven the near impossibility of such a thing. Better to step back and let memories of oppression fade, allow freedom to flourish. Yet the discord between so many opposing philosophies after the fall of the Empire had allowed the First Order to settle in the Unknown Regions and slowly build its fleet, as well as its power. That can't be allowed to happen again.</p><p>Poe believes more than anything that now is the time to put in place new organizations to maintain security in the galaxy. He isn't calling for a central military power; both the Empire and the First Order showed that military strength could be defeated. No, they need people in the Outer Rim, and the Unknown Territories, even Wild Space, guarding them against another Exegol, another Sith Fleet. It had been too easy for Palpatine to disappear into deep space and spend decades rebuilding. The New Republic needs to make sure it never happens again. Poe has been suggesting it for months, has volunteered to lead a division of the New Republic Navy devoted to patrolling the borders of deep space and gathering intelligence. Yet no one bothers to listen anymore, and they've found little support outside of a handful of allies who scraped together a few starfighters and a small cruiser for them.</p><p>It will happen again if there is no one to stop it. They <em>know </em>that something is happening out there already. They are rumors of entire villages being wiped out on distant worlds, and Poe had hoped that after Exegol, their word would be taken seriously. Apparently, that isn't the case; the New Republic is turning a blind eye yet again. Small villages on backwater planets apparently aren't worthy of concern.</p><p>It has been weeks since Poe has been up in his X-wing, and he misses it, wishes he was back in the cockpit making a difference, even if it's only recon and intelligence gathering. But more than that, he wishes the Senate would listen to him before another First Order springs up from the ashes of the old.</p><p>Poe spends the morning helping set up more rooms in their new base, an impersonal prefab construction some Senator had sent over as a thank-you gift to the freedom fighters who had saved the galaxy from a fleet of Sith Star Destroyers. Sure, they aren't sharing quarters in a cave any more, or sleeping in tents, but there is something about it that feels different, almost wrong. Maybe he isn't used to something so permanent, this symbol of victory— or of life moving on when he feels stuck.</p><p>Maybe it's too much like a consolation prize, a way to get them to stop talking about new threats when the galaxy wants to forget the old. The building reminds him of everything that needs to be done but isn't, everything that is happening and yet being ignored, and sometimes he is tempted to go back to the cave. He needs ships and people, not bricks and mortar.</p><p>After lunch Poe forces himself to find Connix and Kin and sit through the briefing. There is no news on Poe's latest appeal for funding the proposed Sentinel program. The criminal gangs that have grown in the vacuum of the First Order's sudden withdrawal are growing bolder and the Senate doesn't seem to be doing anything about them. The New Republic is still a struggling morass of governments who can't agree on a damn thing, other than the Resistance is getting mouthy and needs to step back and let them handle it now. Some days it feels as hopeless as fighting the First Order. How had Leia done it, after the fall of the Empire?</p><p>Kin starts to go over his intelligence reports, but Poe stops listening and stares out the window, his leg bouncing restlessly. He tosses a speeder bolt from his pocket up in the air and resists the urge to spin around in his chair like a cadet. He thinks he hears something about another village attack, about Vi Moradi, about something going down on Nar Shaddaa, but he is too distracted.</p><p>Connix begins to go over the state of their new headquarters—it has only been a week since they moved in—and says something about a volcanic eruption on the other side of the moon that is threatening to rain down fire monkey piss. Poe frowns, wondering if he's heard her right. "What?" he asks. "Did you say fire monkey piss?"</p><p>"Yes, General," she replies.</p><p>"Is that a real thing?"</p><p>"Of course it is. From the volcano."</p><p>"What volcano?"</p><p>"There is no volcano," she tells him, shaking her head with a smile. "But it got your attention, didn't it?"</p><p>"Sorry," he says. "Kind of distracted, I guess."</p><p>Connix exchanges a look with Beaumont Kin, who shrugs and goes back to his datapad. She smiles, which Poe knows is her way of softening the coming blow. "Why don't you take a look at the Y-wings, sir? Commander Pava said she's making good progress. The <em>Falcon</em> should be back soon."</p><p>Damn, she knows him too well. He jumps up with a sheepish grin and leaves as fast as he can. Only to be kicked out of the landing area by Jess, then the maintenance area by Rose, and even the medical area by Healer Khirana. So he finds BB-8 and goes for a walk, trying to work off the restless energy that is plaguing him that day. If he's honest, it's been building for weeks, and it started not long after Finn left.</p><p>Finn is currently on his way back from an extended mission with Chewbacca, their official goal to search for other Stormtroopers who defected from the First Order after the surrender. In truth, they are the Resistance's unofficial eyes and ears at the borders, making contacts with every operative they can, gathering the intelligence they need to maintain the borders when the New Republic won't. They are the beginning of the proposed Sentinel program. Poe did the same thing before Finn had left, and Finn before him; they agreed to take turns, alternating their time away so that one of them is always around to deal with the New Republic.</p><p>Unfortunately, it also means they have barely seen one another for almost two months, and Poe misses Finn—going out on missions with him, leading with him. They make a good team, and in the weeks and months since Exegol, they've grown even closer. Not as close as Poe would like, but maybe someday. He thinks about it more and more, wonders if Finn feels similar. Of course, they'd have to be on the same planet at the same time. And one of them would have to work up the courage to say something to the other. Poe's too scared to lose what he does have, so it probably won't be him.</p><p>At least Finn finally told Poe that he is Force sensitive. It makes so much sense—so many things had clicked into place—that Poe often wonders how he hadn't figured it out himself. Finn is a natural leader, a brilliant fighter, and so in touch with his sense of self that of course it is the Force guiding him. He will be a great Jedi—maybe not a warrior, as Finn seems less interested in fighting now, but he could be a teacher, a leader.</p><p>Rey is training him, to help him understand his powers and learn some basic techniques. He trains in addition to his duties with the Resistance. Poe sometimes worries that Finn is doing too much, struggling to find a balance between the two. He hopes Rey isn't pushing him too hard. She went with Finn and Chewie, to continue working with him.</p><p>The <em>Falcon</em> has been gone for two weeks. They ran into a few remnants of the First Order, but nothing major, and Poe isn't sure if they've gathered any important intel other than what they felt safe transmitting. They are returning several days early, and Poe is glad. He's missed them all, though if he admits it to himself, he's missed Finn more than anything, maybe even flying. He's grown so used to having Finn by his side over the past year, particularly as co-Generals, that he's felt almost incomplete the last several weeks.</p><p>And that's the real problem: Poe is distracted. Finn is coming back, and Poe can't concentrate. It probably doesn't say a lot about his leadership skills, or his emotional state, but it's definitely the issue, and he continues around the lake again, talking with BB-8 about Finn and Rey and how much they have to catch up on when they return. If he complains about the New Republic and their lack of organization and support yet again, BB-8 has the good manners to listen and agree when he's already heard it a hundred times.</p><p>He goes around the entire lake a second time, ignoring the sun and the heat and the need for some water, and is about to start a third time when the little droid beeps excitedly and tells him that the <em>Falcon</em> has landed. Poe can't hold back a grin, and they hurry to the landing area as fast as they can.</p><p>The <em>Falcon </em>is in its usual place, and Chewbacca is coming down the ramp with some bags. Poe greets him warmly while BB-8 asks impatiently about Finn and Rey. Chewie tells them Finn's gone to find Poe.</p><p>"Only Connix said she kicked you out of your own briefing," says a voice behind them, and Poe turns to find Finn standing there, hands on his hips and a crooked grin on his face. "Because you couldn't concentrate."</p><p>Poe grins in response, closing the gap between them to pull Finn into a warm embrace. Maybe they aren't reuniting after a battle, but it has been along time and Poe can't help it. He missed Finn and is relieved to see him—and Chewbacca, of course—unharmed when he knows anything can happen along the borders of unknown space. And he likes the feeling of Finn in his arms too much to resist holding him for a little longer than he probably should.</p><p>"Welcome back, buddy," he says, finally stepping back, but still holding onto Finn's arm.</p><p>"That's General Buddy," Finn laughs, and Poe rolls his eyes.</p><p>"That joke is getting old, you know," he tells him. "How are you? Where's Rey?" Apparently, that is the wrong thing to ask, because Finn's smile immediately disappears. Poe feels his stomach drop; has something happened to her? Why haven't they said anything?</p><p>"She's fine," Finn says, relaxing as he shakes his head. "You don't have to panic. She…well, she left. Went off on her own. Again."</p><p>Poe doesn't need the Force to know that Finn is upset about it, and in a way, he understands. Rey certainly does her fair share of running off by herself, headlong into danger, and often without saying anything. Having worked many solo missions himself, however, Poe can also understand why. Sometimes working alone is easier, with less responsibility, less chance of getting someone hurt or killed. Get in, get it done, get out.</p><p>And Rey had grown up alone, abandoned on Jakku for years, until Finn had appeared and quite literally dragged her out of her solitary existence. It makes sense that after so many years on her own, sometimes she needed to be by herself. And Poe understands that as well: though most people wouldn't believe it, he needs time alone almost as much as he needs to be with people. It is one reason why he's such a good pilot, because he likes spending time in the cockpit with his own thoughts. And BB-8, of course.</p><p>Finn, however, had grown up surrounded by other Stormtroopers, never having a minute to himself yet always alone in a system that discouraged individuality and attachment. Finn seems to crave contact and companionship, and though he understands when someone like Poe needs their space for a little while, Rey's stubborn desire to go off on her own without warning—or protection— is still something Finn finds frustrating even after all this time.</p><p>"I see," says Poe, though he doesn't know the first thing about it, other than Rey is gone, he hadn't got to say goodbye, and Finn is upset. "Well, I'm damn glad to see you, and I have all sorts of questions, but I won't bother you yet. Want to see your new room?"</p><p>Finn's eyes light up and he smiles gratefully at Poe. "Yeah, I would. I'm sorry you had to handle the big move without me."</p><p>"It's not like we had a lot to move," Poe points out. "We were living in a cave, remember?"</p><p>Poe leads him down the path to the new building, set in a clearing not far from their expanded landing area. It is a large, three-story building, housing offices on the ground floor with crew quarters on the upper floors. Finn and Poe, as co-generals, have two of the larger rooms on the second floor. Poe guides him upstairs, shows him the code for the door, and motions him inside.</p><p>Finn stops a few steps into the room, gazing around with his mouth literally hanging open. They are in a large open area with a sofa and chair along one wall and a desk opposite. There is a small kitchenette tucked into the corner with table for eating, and a door leads to the single bedroom and private refresher. It is clean and new and bright, unlike any place they've ever lived. There is both wonder and gratitude in Finn's eyes, and the look on his face right now is one Poe wishes he could see more.</p><p>"Are you serious?" Finn asks as he starts moving around, examining his new home. "This is all mine?"</p><p>"I'm not going to show you someone else's room," Poe laughs. "It's all yours. it's not much, but it's a lot better than—"</p><p>"Living in a cave," Finn finishes. "Or a tent. Or a ship. Poe, we're in an actual <em>building</em>!"</p><p>"I know, buddy. It's taken some getting used to, but it's good." He glances around and smiles. "And I'm right across the hall, if you ever need anything. Like a lesson how to use some of this stuff." He gestures toward a small communications panel set into the desk.</p><p>"It's perfect," Finn says, glancing into the bedroom and grinning when he sees the large bed. "I can't wait to get a good night's sleep in here!"</p><p>Poe nods. "You'll sleep like a baby—or you'll miss the jungle so much you won't sleep at all. I'll let you get settled, maybe try out the fresher—it's private, all yours." Finn pumps his fist and Poe laughs again. "Think you'll be up for a debrief later?"</p><p>Finn nods. "Yeah, give me an hour. Where should we meet?"</p><p>"Command center is on the ground floor, we can either pull up chairs or move to the conference room. You want to meet for dinner first, though? Food is pretty decent now."</p><p>Finn nods. "Brilliant. I'm sick of rations and space food."</p><p>"Mess hall is also on the ground floor," Poe tells him. "Is an hour enough?"</p><p>"More than enough," Finn replies. He turns and walks back to Poe, pulls him into another embrace. "Thank you," he says quietly. Poe breathes him in, his heart skipping a beat at their closeness. It seems Finn being gone has definitely had an effect on Poe.</p><p>"You're welcome," he finally says. Finn steps back and Poe thinks the other man glances down at his lips before ducking his head with a smile. It's probably wishful thinking, though. Poe has to deliberately look away from Finn's mouth.</p><p>"It's good to see you," Finn says.</p><p>"You too, buddy," Poe says. "I'm glad you're back. I'll see you in an hour?"</p><p>Finn nods and Poe turns to leave. He really is glad to see Finn. He's just not sure how to move forward now that Finn has returned.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is the story I've wanted to write for almost a year! I'm very excited to share it and hope to post the next chapter on Friday. So many thanks to mssrj_335 for their amazing help on Tumblr, especially whenever I got stuck! Thank you also to sapphistication for their help with the title, and everyone else on Tumblr who read snippets and offered encouragement. I really hope you enjoy the story – thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> Two </span>
</p><p>Two hours later, after a quick break for Finn and dinner with Rose, Kin, and several others in the mess hall, Poe is sitting at the large table in their official conference room as Finn fills everyone in on his mission. They came across a small First Order remnant holding out on Selvaris, but found their route otherwise quiet, with no major intelligence to share other than rumors of another attack out past the Redoubt. They did not find any Stormtroopers either, which was one reason Finn decided to return early. Rey left them at Rago to chase down another Jedi hunch, and while several beings around the table appear curious, Finn does not say anything more. Chewbacca looks disgruntled and shakes his head when Kin asks about it.</p><p>Connix tells Finn and Chewie everything they've missed while away, and Poe soon dismisses the meeting. Finn stands but does not leave, instead exploring the new room with curiosity and an obvious reluctance to go. Poe suspects that Finn wants to talk more, though he's not sure if something is wrong or not. He figures it can't hurt to ask.</p><p>"Hey, you want to get a drink if you're not too tired?" he asks, as casually as he can. Because it's two friends catching up, nothing more. He considers going back to his room, where he has some of his favorite Corellian whisky stashed away, but decides against it since Finn just got back and Poe still feels a little distracted. "Mess hall usually has something in the back we can nick. You can tell me all those things you clearly didn't want to say in front of everyone else."</p><p>Finn smiles sheepishly and nods. "That sounds good. Thanks."</p><p>BB-8 rolls up then and asks if he can go to the <em>Falcon</em> with D-O. Poe nods and tells them to behave. He and Finn walk over to the mess hall and find a table in the corner, sitting across one another with their backs to the wall. Most of the room is empty, with only a few stragglers from dinner, and it's relatively quiet. Poe relaxes, glad to have time alone with Finn. He already feels more grounded with the other man around.</p><p>"All right," he starts, leaning back with a glass of Rigellian ale. "We've done the official briefing. What's really going on with Rey?"</p><p>Finn frowns. "Oh, the usual. She said shesensed something in the Forceand wanted to follow up on it. She thought we were close, so instead of coming back with us, she left."</p><p>"Just like that? By herself?" asks Poe.</p><p>"I tried to talk to her about it, but you know how she gets," Finn replies. "We picked up a small fighter at Rago, and she left. All on her own."</p><p>"That's becoming a bad habit," Poe murmurs. He's starting to share Finn's frustration, that Rey left them again. What rankles even more is her apparent freedom to come and go, when he and Finn are tied to the Resistance. Then again, Poe isn't sure what he would do if he wasn't.</p><p>"And how's the training going?" Poe asks. Finn hadn't mentioned it once while they were gone, and given that he isn't bursting with excitement to share anything, Poe wonders if it isn't going well.</p><p>Finn shrugs, swirling his glass. "Fine."</p><p>"Just fine?" Poe repeats. "Because I'm not getting that impression from the look on your face."</p><p>Finn makes a different face. "I don't know what I expected, but I'm not sure it's for me."</p><p>That surprises Poe. He remembers the flashing lightsaber he'd seen from the air at Takodana, had heard about Finn's battle with Kylo Ren. If anyone can wield the ancient Jedi weapon, it is Finn. Poe knows there is more to Jedi training than that, but to him, Finn is a Jedi hero straight from the stories of the Old Republic. He's been working with Rey for several months and hasn't shown any reluctance—until now.</p><p>"Why not?" he asks. "Look, I know it's hard. You know so much already, and then you to have to set it aside and learn something new, something you don't quite understand, something you're maybe not even sure about, like floating rocks and laser swords. It's tough."</p><p>Finn looks at him in surprise. "Sometimes, yeah. How'd you know?"</p><p>"I felt the same way at the academy," Poe admits. "I'd been flying for years, done the Kessel Run and the Maelstrom, fought pirates and gangsters and Hutts—and then I had to sit through <em>school</em>, learning the basics from books. History. Diplomacy. Maintenance specs I'd been doing since I was six. It was awful, I don't know how I made it through."</p><p>"But you did," Finn points out. "Was it worth it?"</p><p>"It was worth it," Poe replies him with absolute certainty. He sets down his glass and leans forward over the table. "It was the hardest thing I've ever done, because it never felt natural—I was always a kid who learned by doing, and boy, did I put that to good use as a teenager with some of the crazy stunts I pulled. But it was worth it. I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't pushed through. I'd probably be a grease monkey on Yavin 4, dreaming about racing in the Outer Rim."</p><p>Finn is quiet, clearly thinking about what Poe said. "Did you know what you wanted to do when you were done?"</p><p>"I did," Poe nods. "I wanted to join the New Republic Navy, be a captain, maybe a squadron leader. And I did, though it wasn't long before I left to join the Resistance."</p><p>"Maybe that's part of the problem, then," Finn says, swirling his drink again. "I don't have that...that sense of purpose. I want to learn about the Force, but there's so many other things I want to do, too. It doesn't feel right, not now." He pauses. "Not anymore," he adds quietly.</p><p>"Fair enough," Poe offers in support, though he's concerned about Finn's last thought. "So what's changed since you started? The war is over, now is as good a time as any to learn."</p><p>Finn leans forward, an earnest look on his face. "That's the thing, it's not over. Look at how much there is to do! You look like an overworked pile of bantha shit—"</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>"—and I want to help with that. With what's happening here, now. Or out there, where no one wants to pay attention. It's dangerous out there, Poe. We need the Sentinel program more than ever. I don't want to run obstacle courses with a droid, practice floating rocks and fighting trees. I want to make a difference <em>now."</em></p><p>Poe can't help but smile, because it warms his heart. He would miss Finn terribly if he concentrated on Jedi training, though he knows it is just as important as anything else they do. He already misses Finn every time they are apart, and feels like together they could do anything, including rebuild the galaxy.</p><p>"If you feel like you need to do this now, then maybe you take a break from training," Poe suggests. "And once things are more settled with…well, with the galaxy, but especially our little corner of it… then you go back to it, concentrate on it. Because I think you'd be amazing at it."</p><p>Finn takes another sip of his drink. He looks thoughtful, yet still troubled and unsure. Poe lays a hand on his arm. "Or you don't. It's up to you. You're under no pressure whatsoever to do anything with it, you know."</p><p>"But I am under pressure, aren't I?" Finn says, sounding frustrated. "Rey is the last Jedi, and the galaxy needs more."</p><p>"That doesn't mean it has to be you," Poe says sharply. "There must be millions of beings in the galaxy who are Force sensitive and can learn now that they don't have to be afraid of it. You don't have to take on that responsibility if you don't want to."</p><p>"Kind of like you didn't have to take on the responsibility of being general?" Finn asks, eyebrows raised.</p><p>"Totally different, buddy," Poe replies, though it is somewhat similar. Poe felt the pressure to be a leader almost from the start. Leia had told him many times how she was counting on him, that he needed to learn, because she wanted him to take over for her. He'd never felt ready, not even when he'd finally had to step up and do it. He still doesn't, and sometimes he still feels that spark of resentment that Finn seems to be feeling. "Okay, it's similar," he admits. "You have a choice, though. This isn't a life and death situation. And Rey isn't Leia."</p><p>"I know," Finn sighs, but he doesn't sound like he believes it, and Poe's heart breaks for him. He understands pressure, and this is an unfair pressure for Finn to be feeling after all he's been through. The First Order controlled his life for so long, he should have the freedom to choose his path now, more than ever. "I know it's my choice. But I feel like I'm letting Rey down if I don't do this. Like I already have." Something about the look on his face makes Poe take a leap.</p><p>"You said something to her," he says. "And you think that's why she left, don't you?"</p><p>Finn nods miserably. "She'd never say so, but I feel like it's part of it. She wants to continue the tradition. If I'm not going to follow, what's the point of sticking around?"</p><p>Poe frowns. "To help us rebuild?" he suggests. "I mean, I get that she wants to continue the Jedi tradition, but…I guess I kind of hoped we'd do it side by side."</p><p>Finn leans forward on his elbows and runs his hands through his hair. "We still might. She's got to settle somewhere, right?"</p><p>"She can settle here, and you can work it out," Poe reassured him. "Maybe you'll be ready by then, to focus on training."</p><p>"I don't know." Finn shakes his head again. "I feel like I messed up. And there's something else…" He trails off, his gaze distant. Poe pours him some more ale from the pitcher and slides the glass over.</p><p>"Whatever happened, you didn't mess up."</p><p>"You don't know that," Finn replies.</p><p>"And you don't have to tell me anything else," Poe says. "Because I still believe it."</p><p>"Thanks," says Finn, and he drinks almost half the glass before setting it down. It seems to have fortified him, for he sits back and pierces Poe with an enigmatic look. "Did you know the Jedi foreswore having attachments of any kind?"</p><p>"Attachments?" Poe asks blankly.</p><p>"Relationships," Finn says. "With other people. Close relationships."</p><p>"Oh." Poe frowns, wondering where Finn is going with it. Did he want a relationship with Rey? Or with someone else? "I kind of remember something about that, from the stories I heard growing up."</p><p>Finn leans forward again. "You did? What did they say?"</p><p>Poe pours himself another drink, trying to remember, to sort his tangled thoughts and memories and calm his racing heart. "I think…well, I don't know for sure, but maybe having a connection with someone, especially through the Force, is considered distracting. The old Jedi were very strict about their duty, their responsibility, their moral code. Maybe relationships somehow interfered with that."</p><p>Finn sits back, shaking his head vehemently. "I disagree. Not with you," he adds quickly. "With them. It sounds too much like the First Order to me. We weren't allowed to have relationships either. Not even friendships. You try to protect a friend, go back for a teammate, you weaken the whole squad and you get called up on it. I know, because I did and I was."</p><p>"Of course you did," Poe murmurs. Finn has occasionally talked about the other troopers in his squadron, Slip and Nines and Zero. Somehow, Finn never fully absorbed trooper conditioning. He cares—so much that he'd left.</p><p>"Of course I did," Finn agrees. Poe loves seeing the sudden passion with which he speaks. It is much better than the defeated look from moments earlier. "Because Rose said it best, when she knocked me out of the sky at Crait. We fight for what we love, not against what we hate. If a Jedi isn't allowed to love, what are they fighting for?"</p><p>Poe sucks in a breath, because it makes such absolute sense to him that he wants to grab Finn and kiss him senseless. He thought about it many times while Finn was gone, though he keeps telling himself it's only because the other man was away. Only it's not, because he's been thinking about it for <em>months,</em> and he can feel it again now, sitting so close together. Yet he doesn't know if Finn feels the same, and the other man is clearly dealing with so many things right now that Poe would never assume anything, and certainly never ask.</p><p>He smiles into his glass and finishes it before turning back to Finn. "That might be the best reason you should become a Jedi," he tells him. "So you can change them. Because I think you are so right, Finn…fighting for what we love isn't a distraction. It makes us better, motivates us to keep fighting. It keeps us strong and alive."</p><p>Finn grips his hand across the table and squeezes tight, his eyes intense. "Exactly! I knew you'd get it. Rey didn't. She said that having those kinds of feelings for someone could lead down the path to the Dark Side." He shakes his head. "It doesn't make sense to me."</p><p>Poe looks away, a feeling of sharp disappointment stabbing him in the chest. He feels like he is back on the trail of the Wayfinder all over again, when Finn wanted to share his secret with Rey, but not him. He's told Poe many times it isn't like that between them, but relationships change. Poe knows because his own feelings for Finn have changed, have grown so much over the last six months he can't deny them any longer. "So, Rey doesn't want to be in a relationship. With you."</p><p>Finn makes a face and waves the comment away as if it were the most ridiculous thing Poe has ever said. "Of course she doesn't. I keep telling you it's not like that—she doesn't think of me like that, and I don't think of her like that. But we were looking at one of her old books, and it said a Jedi isn't supposed to love, or get married, have a family…and I don't think I want to give that up."</p><p>Poe wants to ask if Finn is thinking about those things with someone else, but that feels too personal. They don't really talk about those types of things; sometimes it is easier to share nightmares than talk about relationships. He feels like he should be a better friend and be there for Finn, but he is also scared of the heartbreak. He'll be happy for Finn no matter what, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt when Finn leaves his side one day when he finds someone he wants to be with, starts a family.</p><p>Poe squeezes his hand back before taking it away. "I couldn't agree more," he says quietly. "I wouldn't give it up either."</p><p>To his surprise, Finn smiles at him. "Good, because there's something else I want to talk to you about. Not just crazy Jedi stuff, but—"</p><p>They are interrupted by Beaumont Kin striding into the mess hall, stopping to look around before he hurries to their table. It is getting late and he looks worried, and Poe knows something must have happened.</p><p>"What's wrong?" he asks immediately, sitting up straighter and instantly alert. "What's happened?"</p><p>"Nothing yet," Kin says, which makes Poe feel both better and worse. "But we've got some new intel I think you'll want to hear." He looks from Poe to Finn. "Both of you."</p><p>"Now?" asks Poe. "Finn's only been back a few hours, and it's late—"</p><p>"Tià Arana landed a few minutes ago," Kin interrupts. "She's got news from Vi Moradi. And if what she says is true, we're going to want to move on this right away."</p><p>Poe sighs and finishes his drink. "We'll be right there."</p><p>Kin looks between them before nodding. "Yes, sirs," he says. Poe watches him leave before dropping his head with a sigh and turning toward Finn.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he says. "Looks like we're up again."</p><p>"It's fine," Finn says, standing with him. "But I still want to talk to you about something."</p><p>"Hopefully it's not as bad as Kin thinks," Poe says. "You want to meet for breakfast in the morning? It might be the best meal of the day now that we have a real kitchen."</p><p>"Absolutely," says Finn. "Because I want to talk about us."</p><p>Poe stops and stares at him, his heart stuttering in his chest, but Finn keeps walking. He turns around, jerks his head toward the door. "Duty calls, general."</p><p>"Right," says Poe, catching up. "Just say you're not quitting on me, pal. Especially if we're about to get bad news."</p><p>Finn's face softens into a smile. "Of course I'm not quitting. I could never leave you," he said. "I think that's why I can't be a Jedi."</p><p>And with that, he starts toward the conference room, leaving Poe standing there, stunned at the implication.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I had planned to update this weekend, but this chapter has been ready for a while, so it's going up early. Next chapter will be this weekend, and then I hope to post every other even numbered day. Make sense? I have number quirks, just go with it. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Three</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Poe struggles to concentrate as they hurry to the new conference room. He's confused by everything Finn said, from Rey, to his Jedi training, to Poe. What does he mean, he can't be a Jedi? Because of Poe? They'd been interrupted before he could even form the words to ask, and yet he is so scared of the answer, a part of him is glad.</p>
<p>He feels better about some of the other things they'd talked about. Poe tried to be supportive, because he understands Finn's apprehension—how difficult it is to learn something new, how confusing it can be not having a clear goal, feeling the pressure to do something he isn't prepared to fully embrace yet. He hopes that Finn knows he can trust Poe to be there for him, no matter what Finn decides to do.</p>
<p>The problem is that Poe wants to be more than a good friend, but he isn't sure how to bring it up. And it's not something he feels comfortable talking to anyone about, not even Jess who bothers him every other day about it. For the first time in a long time, he doesn't know what to do: should he plan something special, like a nice dinner? Buy him a gift? Just ask? Jess would probably tell him to push Finn against a wall and kiss him senseless.</p>
<p>It's hard, because Poe doesn't really know how Finn feels. He thinks he's picked up some clues that he wouldn't get laughingly turned down or angrily shoved away, but the hesitation remains. Does he want to take the chance on ruining their friendship, their leadership? Some days he is desperate for it, other days he's too scared, and perfectly happy to keep what they have. Being apart has strengthened his desire, but seeing Finn again has sent him into a tailspin of doubt once more. Especially with Finn's enigmatic statement about not leaving.</p>
<p>Besides, there are other things to worry about, especially if Vi Moradi has sent news. Vi rarely checks in on Ajan Kloss, preferring to send intel through contacts who transfer rumors, reports, and even data sticks for her. It helps maintain her cover, and Tià Arana is one of her most trusted messengers. Poe worries that if they are getting news like this, it's bad. Really bad.</p>
<p>Tià is sitting in a chair with Healer Khirana hovering over her, treating what appears to be a minor head wound. She looks tired, with several scratches and bruises, and extremely impatient, a frown on her face as one foot taps the floor. She glances up when Finn and Poe enter the room.</p>
<p>"Finally!" she says. "I was beginning to think being co-generals meant you slowed each other down."</p>
<p>Poe glances at Finn with raised eyebrows. Finn rolls his eyes and pulls up a chair across from her, straddling it backward. "Good to see you too, Dragonfly."</p>
<p>"Oh, you heard my new nickname!" A Keshian, Tià has the large, colored eyes of her people. It gives her brother an edge as a pilot, and lends her an equal advantage as a spy. Somehow, her call names always reflect her eyes; Poe remembers her as Red Fox once.</p>
<p>"Seems fitting. So what's the big news?"</p>
<p>"What, you're not going to ask what happened? If I'm okay?"</p>
<p>"She's okay," says Khirana, the Tevan who took over for Harter Kalonia. They finish with their treatment and step back. "Although she wouldn't tell us what happened, so we wouldn't recommend asking."</p>
<p>"Thanks, doc," says Arana. "And I'm fine." She turns to Poe. "My big brother around?"</p>
<p>"Last time I checked," he tells her with a grin.</p>
<p>"Tell us what's going on, we'll let him know you're here," Finn offers. "And maybe even get you a beer."</p>
<p>She wrinkles her nose at him. "You didn't used to be so mean," she says, then looks at Poe. "I blame you."</p>
<p>"I'm not mean!" he exclaims, and even Khirana hides a smile as they walk away. Connix comes in then, with Rose and Kin and Chewie. Tià stands up and rolls her shoulders.</p>
<p>"Gang's all here," she says. "Except the Jedi. Where's the pretty Jedi?"</p>
<p>"Doing Jedi things," Finn replies. "Come on, let's get started."</p>
<p>Poe nods in agreement, then gives Finn a look that lets Finn know he is in charge of this one. It's not that Poe doesn't get along with Tià; it's more that he's sometimes not sure how to respond to her. Which is odd, because he's known Iolo for years and considers the pilot one of his closest friends. His sister, however, is completely different—far more brash and unpredictable, even for Poe's normally outgoing personality.</p>
<p>"I've got a location for you to check out," she starts. "Fast. A planet called Itarra." She takes out a data chip and hands it to Kin. He walks over to a data terminal and inserts it to pull up the information.</p>
<p>"What are we looking at?" Finn asks as they wait. "And why do we need to check it out fast?"</p>
<p>"Because we're pretty sure this is where all those villagers in the Outer Rim are disappearing to," she says. Someone sucks in a breath; there is silence for several seconds.</p>
<p>"You mean the villages that have been attacked?" Rose asks when no one else speaks. "The ones we keep hearing about?"</p>
<p>"I just got back from the mid-rim earlier today," says Finn. "There was another attack, past the Redoubt. Half the villagers taken, the young and old killed."</p>
<p>"It's barbaric," says Poe. "And the New Republic won't even acknowledge it, which means we need to stop it ourselves. Do you have any idea what they're doing with these people they're taking?"</p>
<p>Tià turns and talks directly to Poe, which is unusual as Finn has a better relationship with her; sometimes Poe even wonders if they'd make a good couple, then tries not to think about it. "They're turning them into Stormtroopers," she says quietly. Poe shakes his head, refuses to believe it.</p>
<p>"No way," he tells her. "They're too old for a trooper program."</p>
<p>"It's not a typical trooper program," she says. "They've got some kind of new program up and running. Something they started developing after Phasma died and Engell took over."</p>
<p>"Who's Engell?" asks Connix, typing furiously on her datapad.</p>
<p>"General Amret Engell," Finn replies, a sour look on his face. "I never met her, but word was she was as militant as Phasma, only without the mask and a lot more power. We think she escaped on the <em>Ruthless</em> after Exegol."</p>
<p>"Right," says Tià. "And word along the hyperlanes is, she's officially a crazed fanatic longing for the old days. Doesn't give a damn about anything or anyone, she's so pissed off about losing Exegol. So they take the villagers in a certain age range, when they're more receptive to whatever new conditioning program they have, and kill the rest."</p>
<p>"That's impossible," says Finn. "Trooper training starts early to ensure complete cooperation and loyalty. There's no way to turn someone who's older and unwilling."</p>
<p>"Oh, these people are definitely not signing up of their own free will," says Tià. "But they are becoming Stormtroopers nonetheless."</p>
<p>"Where did you hear this?"</p>
<p>"Pieced it together, mostly," she replies with a shrug. "Got a former First Order contact or two to talk." She pauses. "By the way, I'm almost out of funds."</p>
<p>"Whatever you need," Poe tells her. "But I don't understand—why take the risk with older troopers? Could they be using them for grunt work, maybe? Slaves?"</p>
<p>"I don't know," Tiá replies. "We don't have anyone close enough to the endgame. I suppose it's possible, but if they want troopers, raising them from childhood takes a lot of time and effort."</p>
<p>"What's the point of creating new Stormtroopers if they haven't got the ships for them?" asks Kin. He points to the holo of the map Tià brought them. "We haven't got a lot on this system, but there can't possibly be a shipyard there."</p>
<p>"They managed to build a thousand Star Destroyers in the Uncharted Territories," Rose points out.</p>
<p>"That was with Sith help and a clone emperor," says Poe. "Do we know if this planet has any connection to the Sith? Could we be looking at another Exegol?"</p>
<p>There is dead silence in the room. Kin finally breaks it. "I haven't heard of it in relation to any Sith histories, but I'll look into it."</p>
<p>"There's something happening on Itarra," Tià tells them. "It could be where they're taking these people and turning them, or it could be something else. But it's definitely a First Order hang-out."</p>
<p>"Connix," says Finn, turning toward her. "Start tracing any and all activity around this system for the last six months—shipping, signals, everything."</p>
<p>"Yes, sir," she says.</p>
<p>"This is why we need the Sentinel program," Poe tells them, even though they all know. The frustration he's felt over the last several months returns six-fold. They've been warning the New Republic for months that they need to watch the borders. Now, something is out there, and once again the Resistance is the only one who sees it. "We need to take a look."</p>
<p>Finn glances at him with a frown. "Take a look?"</p>
<p>"Recon only," Poe replies. "I'll take Jess and Iolo, be there and back in a day or two."</p>
<p>"No way," Finn says, shaking his head. "It's too dangerous."</p>
<p>"We need more information," Poe argues. "Someone has to check it out."</p>
<p>"It doesn't have to be you," Finn replies. "We've got other pilots who can do recon."</p>
<p>"And so can I," says Poe. "I've done it before, I know what I'm doing. We can sneak in, land nearby and take a look around if we need to."</p>
<p>Finn's face hardens, like he wants to argue more, but Poe leans forward and lays a hand on his arm. "We can talk more later," he murmurs. He can feel several people in the room watching them, both curious and awkward.</p>
<p>"Oh yes we will," Finn mutters, and Poe turns back to the others. "We'll leave first thing in the morning. Connix, can you brief Jess and Iolo?" Normally Poe would talk to them himself, but he has a feeling he is going to be talking Finn out of his protests instead. "Thanks." He stands and the others follow.</p>
<p>"You be careful with my brother," Tià says. "I don't want a trooper in the family." She glances at Finn. "No offense."</p>
<p>"None taken," Finn says, then looks pointedly at Poe. "I don't want one either."</p>
<p>Poe sighs. "You don't have to worry about either one of us, okay. We're big boys and we can take care of ourselves." Finn still has the same determined-to-argue look on his face, and Tià looks skeptical. Poe rolls his eyes. "Fine, Jess will take care of us. Dismissed." He waits until the others have left before turning to Finn. "Hey, walk with me and you can tell me why you're so determined I stick around."</p>
<p>They leave the conference room and head toward their quarters. Finn is tense and silent. Poe leads them to his door, gestures Finn inside, and immediately pours them both a strong drink. He sits down on a comfortable chair—he definitely likes his new quarters, even if he is still getting used to the rest of the building—and waits while Finn paces. When Finn doesn't say anything, Poe does.</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" he asks quietly. "What aren't you saying?"</p>
<p>"I don't think you should go," Finn answers.</p>
<p>"I get that," Poe says. "Why not? I've done this a dozen times. Why is this any different?"</p>
<p>"You're a general now."</p>
<p>"Not good enough, Finn," Poe tells him with a frown. "So are you, and you were gone for two weeks. I was out before that. We don't hide from danger, we chase it down and put an end to it. What's different?"</p>
<p>Finn stops and stares at him, so much anguish written across his face that Poe jumps up and moves toward him, alarmed. "What's wrong? Is this something to do with what happened with Rey?"</p>
<p>Finn looks guilty for a moment before completely deflating. "Yes and no. She doesn't know."</p>
<p>"Doesn't know what?"</p>
<p>Finn takes a deep breath. "I had a vision while I was training. I was doing one of Rey's meditations on a stop at Ansion, and I had a vision."</p>
<p>"And that's why you don't think I should go?" Poe asks, trying to sound more understanding and less skeptical. "Because…"</p>
<p>"Because I saw something bad, Poe," Finn tells him. "I saw you get hurt by the First Order. This could be it. Maybe that's why I had the vision."</p>
<p>"First of all, are Force-visions a thing?" Poe asks. When Finn nods, he continues. "Okay, then maybe it's not a reason to stay back, but a warning to be more careful. The future's not written, buddy. If I go into this knowing something might happen—which I always do, by the way—then I can be careful and make sure it doesn't."</p>
<p>Finn shakes his head again. "I don't think it works like that. I think the Force shows us what happens so we can stop it."</p>
<p>"Exactly," Poe agrees. "Since it hasn't happened, we can change it, but that doesn't mean I stay home and twiddle my thumbs. Knowing about it changes the outcome!"</p>
<p>Finn seems frustrated and starts pacing again. "You don't understand. It's not a bad feeling, a little bit of worry. I <em>saw </em>you, bruised and bloody, on a First Order ship. It's why I came back early." He stops in front of Poe and narrows his eyes. "Only you had short hair and were clean-shaven."</p>
<p>Poe rubs his face, where he's kept a short beard for several months. "Still got it, still like it. So it's not happening. Not this time, at least." The attempt at levity falls flat.</p>
<p>"This time," Finn murmurs. "That's not exactly reassuring, you know."</p>
<p>"Finn, I've been dodging danger for years with the Resistance. I can dodge some more if it means we can do something about these villages being wiped out. Especially if it's for trooper training!"</p>
<p>Finn purses his lips. "Maybe I should come with you."</p>
<p>"We need someone here," Poe says. "You know that, it's the deal—one of us is always here."</p>
<p>"Rose can handle it," Finn argues. "She's got Connix and Kin, she'd be great."</p>
<p>"Yes, she would," Poe replies. "But not right now. This could be big, and one of us needs to keep on the New Republic to deal with it."</p>
<p>Finn sighs as he drops his head. "I know. Because they're still looking the other way. We need to turn their heads fast on this, Poe. If they're making these people into troopers…" He trails off, the same terrified look in his eyes again.</p>
<p>"Then we will stop them. And I will be even more careful," Poe tells him. "I promise. Thank you for coming back early to warn me."</p>
<p>"I don't want to lose you," Finn whispers. "Not now."</p>
<p>"You won't," Poe replies. He tries not to think about what the 'not now' means.</p>
<p>Finn steps forward and pulls him into a fierce embrace. "You better not end up in white armor, either," he murmurs into Poe's neck. His warm breath sends shivers down Poe's spine, and he relaxes into the embrace even though he knows he shouldn't. He's so close to saying something, or doing something, but not now. Finn is confused, conflicted, and Poe is leaving for another mission. It feels like the time is never right for them.</p>
<p>"Not going to happen," Poe replies, then offers a cheeky grin, albeit a forced one. "I'd look terrible in white armor. Besides, I am definitely officer material."</p>
<p>Finn shakes with laughter against him. "Your big head wouldn't fit in the helmet," he says. When he stops, he grows serious once more. "I'm coming after you if anything happens, you know. Because they do not get to have you on their side."</p>
<p>Poe tries to think of a snarky response, but fails. There is something about Finn's statement that feels too serious, too meaningful, to reply with flippancy. "Is that a promise? Because then I know I'll be okay, no matter what happens."</p>
<p>"It's a promise," Finn says. Poe's pretty sure the other man's eyes slip down to his lips, and Poe steps back, clears his throat. Finn frowns. "Poe, maybe we should—"</p>
<p>BB-8 rolls in then, with D-O trailing behind. Both men jump, then laugh nervously. BB-8 stops and rolls his dome back and forth between them, trilling a question.</p>
<p>"Nothing's wrong, buddy," Poe tells him. "We've got a new mission, that's all." The little droid whistles several questions at him, and Finn smiles as he moves away. Whatever moment they might have had is over. Once again Poe is both disappointed and relieved.</p>
<p>"I'm going to head to my room," Finn says. "Try out my new bed. That way you can fill BB-8 in." The little droid stops babbling, pauses, trills at Poe, sounding worried.</p>
<p>"Uh, no, we're fine," Poe tells him. "You didn't interrupt." He meets Finn's eyes, sees the untruth of his statement reflected back at him, and sighs. Finn smiles sadly, nods as if he understands. Maybe he does. Maybe Poe isn't imagining things after all.</p>
<p>"Don't leave without saying goodbye," Finn tells him.</p>
<p>"I won't. I'll see you in the morning for breakfast," Poe replies. "I promise." He wants to make a dozen promises, right then and there, but holds back. Finn turns to leave, and D-O follows. Poe watches him until the door shuts. Then he drops into his chair, running a hand through his hair. BB-8 bumps him in the knee with a sad boop.</p>
<p>"It'll be okay, pal," he tells the little droid. "Quick run to some planet called Itarra. We think it's where they're taking the villagers." Another question. "And then yes, maybe I'll tell him. When we get back."</p>
<p>BB-8 gives him the droid equivalent of a hug, and Poe is grateful for his understanding. He just hopes Finn's vision was wrong, and that he makes it back to tell Finn how he feels.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I would love to know what you think! Comments are so encouraging when we've worked hard on something. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> Four </span>
</p>
<p>Poe wakes up the next morning determined to find the First Order and stop whatever they are doing on Itarra. He is tired of trying to convince the New Republic to act. It feels too much like his first days with the Resistance, when they all but ignored Leia. At least they let her have ships and people; they won't even listen to Poe, have offered little but the reassurance that yes, they will look into it. Later.</p>
<p>He is determined, but also more anxious than he usually is heading out on a mission. He won't admit it, but Finn's vision has him worried. Poe slept poorly, his mind filling in all the ways the mission could go wrong—crashing, captured, killed. Encased in white armor. Or they find nothing, and they will be right back where they started. Poe doesn't believe that, though. Tià Arana is one of their best, and if her intel says something is happening on Itarra, then something is happening. And he will find it.</p>
<p>And yet…what if. For the first time in a while, Poe considers his options. He usually leaves his mother's ring behind when he flies. It could easily identify him, for one, but more importantly, he doesn't want to lose it. He leaves it in a pouch, with instructions for the ring to go to his father back on Yavin IV. This time, he is moved to do something different. He places it in the pouch, leaves it in its usual place among his belongings, and calls BB-8 over to him.</p>
<p>He considers recording a message, but decides that's too much. He's never left one before, and he's not going to start now. Instead he pats the droid on his dome and sighs. "Buddy, I want you to listen and do something for me, okay? Without arguing," he adds as soon as BB-8's sensor unit rotates. "I just…listen. If I don't make it back, and you do, I need you to give something to Finn for me."</p>
<p>The droids first reaction is a short trill of surprise, followed by a question. "Of course I'm planning to make it back, but Finn's got a bad feeling about this, and honestly…so do I. So I need you to do whatever it takes to make it back. With any intel we get, so the others can stop what's happening. And then you can give Finn my mom's ring."</p>
<p>The long 'ooooooo' almost makes Poe laugh. "Yes, I know I usually leave it for my dad. But this time… if anything happens, give it to Finn, okay? I want him to have it." <em>Beep-whorp? </em>"Yes, that's why, and no, I'm not giving it to him before I leave. But if I don't come back…promise me, all right? I need him to have it."</p>
<p>The droid makes a sad sound, followed by his word that he will make sure Finn gets the ring, only he won't be very happy about it because that means something will have happened to Poe, and he doesn't want anything to happen to Poe. He jostles against Poe's knees, almost knocking him over, and Poe smiles. "I know, pal. I'll do my best to make it back with you, and then I'll say something to Finn, okay?"</p>
<p>BB-8 whistles in agreement. Poe gets dressed and ready in silence, trying not to think of what might keep him from returning to Ajan Kloss. He's coming back, because he feels like he and Finn were so close to something the night before, and he needs to know if he was only imagining it.</p>
<p>Finn is not in his room, nor is he downstairs at breakfast. Poe frowns, worried something has already gone wrong, and picks at his food, not particularly hungry. As he heads out to his X-wing, he feels like he's walking away from his life on Ajan Kloss for the last time. He doesn't usually feel so uneasy about a mission, not even when he's gone out alone and ended up injured, captured, and tortured with no hope of rescue. Yet the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach continues to grow since he talked to Finn. He wants to go, needs to do something besides wander around the base reading reports and feeling nothing but frustration with the New Republic, but he also wants to stay. With Finn. He's tired of them constantly missing one another. He wants to say something, do something, be something—and reassure Finn that his vision won't come true.</p>
<p>"Poe!"</p>
<p>He turns to see Finn jogging toward him, wonders if he feels it too, the sense of something terrible on the horizon. From the anxious look on his face, he does. Of course he does, he had the vision that's put the thought in Poe's head.</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" Poe asks, stepping nearer, wanting that closeness in case he never feels it again. The warmth from Finn's hand on his arm grounds him, and Poe doesn't want to let go. "Did you have another vision?"</p>
<p>"No," Finn tells him. "I tried to meditate in Rey's clearing, but I couldn't concentrate. Poe…be careful, all right?"</p>
<p>"I usually try," Poe replies in a dry voice. "I don't always succeed, but I try."</p>
<p>"Whatever you find out there, don't go after it alone. Make sure you come back so we can deal with it together," Finn insists.</p>
<p>"I promise, I will do my best," Poe tells him. He's rattled by Finn's intensity. "I know you're worried, but I have to do something to help these people, to stop whatever the First Order is planning."</p>
<p>Finn sighs. "I know," he says. "I'd do the same thing in your place. Just don't do anything stupid. Like I'm about to do." He glances around the area, takes a deep breath, and steps forward. And then he presses his lips to Poe's, gentle yet firm, his hand coming up to brush Poe's jaw before he moves back. Poe is pretty sure he looks like a gundark caught in a speeder's lights, eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. Finn looks apprehensive but determined.</p>
<p>"What…" Poe stutters. It's as if he's never been kissed before— he certainly has, but not like that. And not by someone he cares about so much it's almost overwhelming. "What was that for?"</p>
<p>"Come back safe so we can talk about it."</p>
<p>Poe stares at him, still struck speechless. The other man's confident demeanor cracks the slightest. "Please?" Finn whispers. "I can't do this without you."</p>
<p>Poe nods slowly, stupidly. "I know," he says, his voice breaking. "I couldn't do it without you either." He meets Finn's eyes, then surges forward and kisses him back, and this time it isn't gentle, but desperate and hard and passionate, the kiss he's been thinking about for months. He never thought it would be like this, when he is about to leave on a mission that he somehow <em>knows </em>will go wrong. Yet it is nothing short of perfect.</p>
<p>"I'm coming back," Poe says, as much for himself as for Finn. "Because I have something to come back for, now more than ever."</p>
<p>"Damn right," Finn murmurs, and Poe pulls him into a tight embrace. Which only makes it harder to leave.</p>
<p>"But I don't want to go," he whispers into Finn's neck. "Not now."</p>
<p>"Poe!" shouts Jess as she jogs by on the way to her ship. "Let's go! You can suck face when we get back!"</p>
<p>Poe tenses, but Finn shakes with laughter. When he steps back, Finn is laughing so hard tears are coming from his eyes. Poe can't help but grin and kiss him again. Gods, it's amazing—why had they waited so long?</p>
<p>"When I get back," he says, and Finn smiles.</p>
<p>"When you get back."</p>
<p>Poe runs to his ship with a smile on his face. He's coming back, because nothing could keep him away now, not when he may finally have everything he wants.</p>
<hr/>
<p>"So, General." Jess's voice sounds over comms almost as soon as they take off. "That was some good-bye kiss back there."</p>
<p>"Yeah, Poe," Iolo pipes in. "When did that happen?"</p>
<p>"Um, today?" Poe replies. "You saw it live, kids."</p>
<p>"Seriously?" Iolo asks. "That was the first time?"</p>
<p>"I'm as surprised as you are," Poe admits. "It just kind of…happened."</p>
<p>"Congrats, boss," says Iolo.</p>
<p>"<em>Finally</em>, boss," Jess snorts. "It's about damn time. You've been doe-eyed for months, Poe."</p>
<p>"I can't believe it took so long," Iolo laughs. "I remember you back at the Academy—"</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah," Poe interrupts, not wanting to reminisce over their school days, knowing Iolo would only exaggerate their exploits for Jess.</p>
<p>"I remember when he showed up in the Resistance," Jess says. "Broke more than a few hearts."</p>
<p>"I did not!" Poe exclaims.</p>
<p>"I can't wait to tell Karè," Iolo says. "She owes me money."</p>
<p>"What?" Poe exclaims again. "Are you serious?"</p>
<p>"I'm pretty sure I owe Connix," Jess grumbles. "Although it's been so long, maybe all bets are off. You two sure took your time."</p>
<p>"How long?" Poe demands. "And I think anything you win, you should split with me since I'm the guy who won it for you."</p>
<p>"Actually, it looked like that was all Finn," Jess offers, and Poe can picture her smirk.</p>
<p>"All right, all right," Poe grumbles good-naturedly. If they saw him, they'd see his grin, and Jess would probably make fun of his heart eyes. He can't help it. In fact, he still can't believe it even happened—and that Finn was the one who initiated it. Poe is already thinking about next time, and how he's going to be the one to step up and –</p>
<p>"Hey Poe?" Jess asks, and this time she sounds more serious. "Still with us?"</p>
<p>"Sorry," he murmurs. "Still with you."</p>
<p>"You're thinking about him, aren't you?"</p>
<p>"Sure he is," says Iolo. "It was a great kiss. Very dramatic, passionate yet tasteful—"</p>
<p>"What the hell, Arana?" Jess demands, while Poe laughs. "How close were you watching?"</p>
<p>"Well, it was like something on one of your holovids, Jess. I think I remember that exact scene from <em>The Pilot's Passion</em>, maybe? Or was it <em>Flights of Fancy</em>? I can't remember."</p>
<p>Poe is cracking up, but Jess is moaning. "Stop it, you'll only encourage him." There is a pause. "Besides, it's totally from <em>The Flyboy and The Force</em>."</p>
<p>"Enough, enough," Poe chokes, and BB-8 finally chirps in with a surprisingly heartfelt statement. "BB-8 thinks it was perfect and says you should concentrate on flying. You got the coordinates Kin sent?"</p>
<p>"Ready when you are, Poe," says Jess. "And we're happy for you, we really are. And maybe jealous. That's why we give you such a hard time, you know."</p>
<p>"I know," Poe says. "I'm a lucky man. Now remember, we'll be coming out of hyperspace behind one of Itarra's moons. We'll scan the area, then move closer if it looks safe. Comms on encrypted channel and stay alert. We don't know what we're going to find out there."</p>
<p>"Hopefully those villagers," Iolo replies.</p>
<p>"That's the plan," Poe agrees. "All right, punch it. See you there."</p>
<hr/>
<p>They emerge out of hyperspace in almost perfect formation, behind one of the three moons of Itarra. Poe turns on a secure channel; for some reason, he still feels the need to lower his voice. His nerves are getting the better of him.</p>
<p>"All right, you know the drill. Recon scans only, we are not engaging. Scatter plan C if we're made—radio silence until we meet back home. One standard day."</p>
<p>"Return course already plotted in," Iolo replies. "Let's find those villagers."</p>
<p>They scan the moons first, finding exactly what they expected given they are all barren rocks—nothing. Moving toward the planet, Poe watches his scanners for any signs of First Order presence, but there is none. They'd not had much information about Itarra in their databases, other than it being a mostly hospitable planet in the Unknown Regions, not far beyond Parnassos. As they move closer, he can see that it is wrapped thick in cloud cover, though his sensors tell him the atmosphere is not as noxious and warm as he might have expected. Other than the clouds, the geography seems fairly normal, with no signs of settlement—no, wait. His alarms start pinging.</p>
<p>"You picking it up too, Poe?" Jess asks over comms. There is some kind of group or settlement, with hundreds of lifeforms gathered near a large river. Unfortunately, the clouds won't let them see what's going on down there, and Poe's not sure they should risk flying into it and exposing themselves.</p>
<p>"I am," he tells her. "But I can't get any details with these clouds. Could be anything—a local settlement, First Order base, even a herd of animals."</p>
<p>"What if we circle around, come at it under the clouds but from a distance? We can get more readings that way," Iolo suggests.</p>
<p>"We see anything worth checking out, we land and hike over," Jess adds. Poe shakes his head even though they can't see him.</p>
<p>"Not if we find something big—if we find some kind of major First Order operation, we're going to need more than the three of us to take it out."</p>
<p>"I'm not suggesting taking it out," Jess argues, "but getting close enough to know what we're up against."</p>
<p>Something doesn't seem right to Poe: it feels too easy. Tià's intel had been strong and reliable, that there's something going on here. And yet, all they pick up is a set of uncertain readings on a riverbank? It could be a quiet, unknown settlement, but what if it's more? If it's the First Order, where are the ships?</p>
<p>"Okay, listen up. I've got a bad feeling about this," he tells them. "If we're about to buzz some local settlement, fine, but this is where Tià thought the First Order was bringing their prisoners."</p>
<p>"And she's good, Poe," Iolo tells them. He is clearly proud of his sister. "She's not going to send us on a wild bantha chase."</p>
<p>"I know," Poe says. "The fact that she came back to base to fill us in makes me take this very seriously. But if this is First Order, where are the ships? Why aren't we picking up any tech?"</p>
<p>There is silence for a moment, then Jess speaks. "Sensor nets?" she suggests. Poe nods again.</p>
<p>"Possibly. We could be flying into anything. We need to be careful."</p>
<p>"We need to know what's down there," Iolo says.</p>
<p>"We do," Poe agrees. "So we'll come in from the opposite side, like Iolo suggested. As low as we can, and only as close as we need to get some decent readings. My lead, and no heroics."</p>
<p>"Says the guy who waltzed right up to a Dreadnaught and singlehandedly took out their canons," Iolo points out. Jess snorts.</p>
<p>"I still wish I could have seen that," she says. "All right, boss. Lead on."</p>
<p>Poe circles around the planet, moving lower into the atmosphere as they come around closer to the settlement. His readings are still too vague, so he pulls back on speed and moves lower, with Jess and Iolo in perfect formation at his wingtips. Force, he missed this. Not tracking down secret First Order operations, but flying with his squadron, that feeling of perfect teamwork and moving as one. Leading from the air, and not from the ground. They fly closer, and the readings start to come in clearer, until—</p>
<p>"Black One, we've got company!" Jess exclaims. "Ship in orbit, <em>Resurgent</em>-class Star Destroyer!"</p>
<p>"Shit," Poe curses. "Where the hell did that come from?" It had definitely not been there when they arrived. "They'll pick us up on sensors quick. Grab whatever readings you can. We gotta go."</p>
<p>He turns around, Jess and Iolo following perfectly. BB-8 whistles shrilly at him seconds before it pops up on his scopes: a dozen TIES, rising from the forest behind them and approaching fast. So apparently there were sensor nets, which means there is more than meets the eye here.</p>
<p>"Do we engage?" asks Jess.</p>
<p>"Evasive maneuvers," Poe snaps, though he hates it. They might be able to take on a dozen TIE fighters, but if there is a Star Destroyer in orbit, there will be more. It also means that the First Order is hiding something on Itarra, and they need to get back to Ajan Kloss with the intel as fast as possible—and preferably not in pieces. "Scatter plan C, as ordered. We meet back—"</p>
<p>"Black One, you've got one on your tail!" Jess shouts. Poe twists and turns to shake it, but it's on him tight. Jess shifts over and after several close calls, shoots it out of the sky from above. Poe rarely sees TIEs evade her for so long and is about to say something when Iolo picks one up.</p>
<p>"Watch your six, Dagger One!" Poe shouts, gripping the controls and moving to intercept. Again, the TIE sticks implausibly close to Iolo, evading Poe's shots far too well. This is not normal TIE flying, and the bad feeling in his gut tightens. Is this what they are taking the villagers for, to somehow turn them into ace pilots? It doesn't make sense.</p>
<p>He doubles down on Iolo's tail, blasts the TIE out of the sky; two down, ten to go. Only he feels the shock of a laser cannon hit then, hears BB-8 shriek at him. "Do your best to fix it, buddy. We need to get out of here before—"</p>
<p>There is a shout from Iolo, and a TIE flies by Poe's canopy, too close and impossibly fast. Jess screams as Iolo's ship explodes in a cascade of fire and debris.</p>
<p>"No," Poe whispers. "No, Iolo…Iolo, did you get out? Arana, report!"</p>
<p>"He didn't make it, Poe," Jess tells him with a shocked sob.. "And I lost my astromech." The TIE on her tail is as good as all the others, and before Poe can get to it, she takes another hit. "As well as my starboard engine. Shields are low. Dammit. Poe, what the hell is going on with these things?"</p>
<p>"I don't know," Poe says, watching her X-wing list to the side. She's an easy target, exposed with no maneuverability. "Eject now, Black Three. Before they take you out. I'll follow you down!"</p>
<p>Even as he says it, a First Order light cruiser descends in front of him, scattering another half dozen TIE fighters. Poe swears furiously as he twists and turns to avoid its turbolasers as well as the TIEs swarming him. There are too many of them. He sees Jess eject moments before her ship is blown to pieces. Black One takes another hit. Poe realizes what he needs to do and hates it.</p>
<p>"BB-8, I think we're going to have to abandon ship. I need you to get to Jess, make sure she's okay, got it?" He touches the switch that will drop BB-8 from the droid socket. "I'll be right behind you, I promise."</p>
<p>BB-8 trills in alarm, tells him no, but Poe knows this is what he has to do. Jess could be injured, or worse. Hopefully BB-8 can get to her quickly, and then Poe will find them both and figure out a way to get off the planet. And if he doesn't…at least BB-8 has a chance of making it back to the Resistance with the intel, and maybe even with Jess.</p>
<p>An alarm goes off, and Poe swears. "It's a tractor beam. Go, BB-8! Find Jess and get her back to base! Now!" He throws his ship into a deep dive, flips the switch and watches as BB-8 tumbles toward the ground, then pulls a sharp turn to try and escape the pull of the tractor beam. He doesn't think about never seeing his droid again, just like he doesn't think about the ring he left behind for Finn.</p>
<p>It's no good: the tractor beam grabs hold of his ship, pulls him closer. He could eject, but he's not sure they wouldn't lock onto his seat and pull him in that way—or blow him out of the sky. BB-8 knows what's happened, and he's the most resourceful droid in the galaxy. He'll get away, find Jess, and somehow get back to the Resistance.</p>
<p>And Poe will fight like hell to get away from the First Order.</p>
<p>It's not the first time he's been captured. He knows how it works—shuts down his ship, double checks his flight suit. Makes sure he's got his weapons. The cruiser pulls him into the landing bay, and he readies himself to fight back. Maybe if he's lucky, he can steal another TIE fighter, cause some trouble, and escape on his own. If not, he knows he's got people looking out for him. He'll be all right.</p>
<p>The ships settles. Poe waits. Tries not to think about the vision Finn had, the bad feeling Poe's had since the moment he woke up. Instead, he thinks about Finn and getting back to Ajan Kloss, about the promise of that kiss. Of all the things he's going to say now that he can—and before he loses his chance again.</p>
<p>He also runs through every possible way to escape. He feels the cruiser accelerate, suspects they are heading back up to the Destroyer in orbit. He's surprised no has come for him in the First Order. After several more minutes of anxious waiting, Poe grabs his blaster, pops the canopy—and is immediately met by a blaster set to stun. He falls back into the cockpit and remembers no more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, that was one of those chapters that was Damn Hard™ to write. I hope it was worth it – thoughts? It is so encouraging to know people are reading and hear what they are thinking - please consider leaving comments for the fics you read here on AO3, it will make an author's day! Thank you – the next update will be this weekend!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> Five </span>
</p>
<p>Finn watches the three X-wings take off, stays until he can no longer see them. He's lost in thought, so many emotions tumbling through his mind that he simply stands there, gazing into the sky. His right hand comes up, almost touches his lips, but he drops it quickly, before anyone sees him mooning about. He still can't believe what just happened: he'd kissed Poe, right there in front of anyone watching. And Poe had kissed him back.</p>
<p>It had been good to return to Ajan Kloss, to see Poe again. He'd been holding back for so long—from Poe, from Rey, even from himself—that he couldn't help it when it had all tumbled out the night before. And yet, he hadn't said the one thing he wanted to say most, had he? They'd been interrupted before he could, and at the time, he'd been glad of it.</p>
<p>He feels better about some of the other things they talked about. Poe seemed to understand Finn's confusion and apprehension and had been completely supportive—of how difficult it is to learn something so strange and new, of not having a clear goal, of feeling the pressure to do something he's not sure he's prepared to fully embrace. If Finn didn't already have feelings for the man, he would now. Poe Dameron is the best man he's even known, the best friend he could ever have.</p>
<p>The problem is that he wants more, has for a while, but he didn't know how to bring it up. He'd told Poe they'd talk when he got back, but Finn has no idea what to say. And it's not something he can talk about with Rey, not anymore. Once, he could have; now, he feels like there is a tension between them, and Finn worries that asking for advice about his feelings for Poe may only make it worse.</p>
<p>So he did the only thing he could think of before Poe left, and stepped up to kiss him. He's not sure if Poe feels the same, though. He thought he'd picked up enough clues that he wouldn't be completely rejected, but the doubt remains. Poe had kissed him back, but what if it was Poe responding to the moment? What if he comes back and decides he's not interested after all? Finn worries about ruining both their friendship and their leadership, and hopes he didn't make a big mistake.</p>
<p>He is so lost in thought he doesn't notice when Rose and Kin come up behind him, at least until Rose clears her throat. Loudly. He turns, dropping his hand from his lips. They both smirk.</p>
<p>"Nice kiss," Kin says.</p>
<p>"About time," Rose adds.</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah," Finn mutters, trying not to look embarrassed and failing. He can feel the heat in his face and knows they can see it when Rose laughs, and Kin shakes his head with a smirk.</p>
<p>"He's quite far gone," Kin offers to Rose, who nods in agreement.</p>
<p>"Oh, I know," she says. "Has been for a while. Apparently, he finally realized it!"</p>
<p>"All right, have your fun," Finn grumbles good naturedly. "What else do you need from me besides a punching bag?"</p>
<p>Rose immediately reaches for his hand, looking concerned. "Finn, we're happy for you! Honestly! It was very romantic."</p>
<p>"Really?" he asks. "Because it felt…" He trails off, not sure what words to put to it.</p>
<p>"Perfect?" Rose supplies.</p>
<p>"Rushed," he says, then grins sheepishly. "But also pretty damn perfect, yes."</p>
<p>"Was that…" She seems curious yet unsure. "Your, uh, first kiss?"</p>
<p>Finn nods, and Kin claps him on the shoulder. "Congrats, mate," he says. "And thanks for the win!" He winks at Rose and heads off. Finn watches him leave before turning back to Rose with raised eyebrows.</p>
<p>"What did he win?"</p>
<p>"The bet, of course!" she laughs. She links her arm through his elbow and pulls him back toward their new headquarters. "Now, I think you have some talking to do." He frowns, and she picks up on it immediately because that's Rose: she's perceptive and empathetic, almost to a fault. "Like why you suddenly look more worried about it than happy."</p>
<p>He sighs as he walks with her, telling her about his vision and how worried he is for Poe. She listens, offering support, and he is so glad to have her friendship at that moment that he stops and pulls her into an impulsive hug. "What was that for?" she asks.</p>
<p>"For being you," he tells her. She smiles at him as they continue toward the command center.</p>
<p>"I understand that you're worried," she says. "But I think Poe made a good point, that knowing about your vision could help him avoid something dangerous."</p>
<p>"I hope so," Finn tells her. "I don't know what I'd do if he didn't make it back…" He trails off again, his insides twisting at the thought. "I mean, we just…you know…but I want a chance to figure it out, to be…something."</p>
<p>"Finn, you <em>are </em>something," she tells him.</p>
<p>"No, I mean with Poe." He wants it so much he can almost taste it. It's still new, yet it means everything to him already.</p>
<p>"For the record, you are already great together," she tells him, squeezing his hand. "But you will be kriffing amazing <em>together</em> together."</p>
<p>Kaydel Connix glances up from her data pad. "So it's true? You're <em>together </em>together?"</p>
<p>Finn groans while Rose laughs. It's going to be a long day—worrying about Poe and the others, but also answering all the inevitable questions as word no doubt spreads like wildfire. He wonders if should call Rey and tell her, but is quickly pulled away. The work of the Resistance continues, and Finn tries to set his worries aside.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Finn goes to bed that night without hearing from Poe or the others. They had anticipated radio silence, with the goal of returning the next day. Yet he sleeps restlessly, a feeling of dread waking him almost constantly. He wants so badly to check in, to make sure Poe is all right, but he knows he could compromise their mission. Instead, he gets up early and runs, wondering if he should call Rey. He doesn't.</p>
<p>By the end of the day, they've not heard anything at all, and Finn can tell that everyone is starting to feel on edge. He knows that it's not unusual for such a long radio silence, or for a mission to take longer than expected. Yet he also knows, from experience, that it doesn't take much for something to go wrong. He has every bit of confidence in Poe and his pilots; if anyone can make it back from a disaster, it is Poe Dameron. At the same time, the vision weighs heavily on Finn's mind, of Poe on a First Order ship, bloody and bruised. Broken. The sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach grows worse the longer they wait with no word.</p>
<p>He stays in the command center that night, hoping to hear from Poe. Rose stays with him, and Connix, and Kin. At some point, they all fall asleep in their chairs, and Finn finds himself lost in another nightmare vision of Poe, strapped down and tortured, brown curls shorn off, needles puncturing his neck and arm. He wakes gasping, confused and terrified. It feels like much more than a bad dream. Somehow, he knows this is happening to Poe, or that it will. And he has no way to stop it.</p>
<p>It's hard, not knowing what's happening with the mission, and not being able to reach out for fear of compromising it. But recon doesn't usually take so long, and by the third day, everyone on the base is starting to worry. Finn has never known Tià Arana to stay in one place for more than a day or two, and she's positively twitchy. He calls a meeting that night.</p>
<p>"I think we need to assume something's gone wrong," he tells everyone that's assembled. "I want to send out another team if we don't hear from them by tomorrow."</p>
<p>Several people exchange glances, like they're already seeing Finn as a lost lover rather than Poe's friend and co-general. Or maybe they are worried about the others as well; he can't tell, his own worry both clouding and informing his judgement.</p>
<p>"How big?" asks Beaumont Kin. Several people nod, and Finn releases the tension in his shoulders, sensing that they want to help as much as he does.</p>
<p>"Big enough to take on whatever mess they may have got themselves into. It's been too long since we've heard from them." There are nods of agreement. "They could need our help."</p>
<p>"They could be dead," someone murmurs.</p>
<p>"They could be hurt, with no way to contact us," Tià jumps in before Finn can reply. "And we still need the intel on Itarra. We've had word a village on Quonto was attacked after they left."</p>
<p>"So whatever the First Order is up to is still happening out there," Finn says, giving her a grateful look. "Which makes this twice as important: find our people, and find out what the First Order is up to out there."</p>
<p>"What about the Hutts?" asks Shasa Zaro, one of the pilots in Iolo's squadron<strong>.</strong> "I thought something was supposed to go down out near Nar Shaddaa?"</p>
<p>Finn frowns, trying to remember the situation. Something about a deadline? He looks at Kin, who appears somewhat embarrassed. "Right, sorry," the historian tells him. "But we've had nothing on that for over a week."</p>
<p>"Nothing on what?" Finn asks.</p>
<p>"Turf war about to break out near Hutt space. Probably not our problem."</p>
<p>Finn rubs his face with his hands. "No, but the New Republic could make it our problem if they ever decide to do anything about it and need backup." He blows out a long breath. "We can't sit around waiting for the Hutts to slug it out. I want the <em>Falcon</em>, the <em>Organa</em>, and Stiletto and Dagger Squadrons ready to go first thing in the morning. Rose, you're in charge while I'm gone. Connix, you're second."</p>
<p>"Wait, you're going with?" Kin asks. "I thought you and Poe always agreed that one of you would stay."</p>
<p>"That was before he failed to report in," Finn snaps. "I'm going to find him, and he can yell at me for abandoning my post as much as he wants when we bring him back safe."</p>
<p>"Understood," Kin murmurs, and no one else argues.</p>
<p>"I'm coming with you," Tià announces, rather than asks. Of course she is, her brother is missing too. Finn nods, glad for her determination and support.</p>
<p>"All right, dismissed. We find 'em and bring 'em back tomorrow." He watches everyone leave except Rose, who crosses her hands over her chest.</p>
<p>"Are you going to call Rey now?" she asks, and he looks up in surprise.</p>
<p>"No, why?" A raised eyebrow is his answer. "We can handle this," he tells her. "Rey's doing Jedi things, we don't need to bring her in. We can do this," he repeats. He has to find Poe, because he was the one who had the vision and let Poe leave anyway.</p>
<p>"I know we can," Rose tells him, turning away. "But she might want to know about Poe and the others. She cares about them, too."</p>
<p>She leaves without another word. Finn spends the night near the comms again, thinking Rose is right. But every time he reaches out to call Rey, he pulls his hand away.</p>
<hr/>
<p>His dreams are different that night, dozing in his chair in the command center. He is walking through a dense fog, calling out for Poe, unable to see him. He thinks he hears something and moves through the thick clouds toward the sound, only to find Poe standing there, staring into the darkness. He looks different—dressed in grey and harsh around the edges, his face is too smooth, his hair too short. When he turns to look at Finn, there is no recognition: his eyes are dead. Finn shouts, reaches out to grab him, only to fall from his chair as an alarm goes off nearby.</p>
<p>Kaydel is already there, checking on it. Finn stand up and runs a hand through his hair, straightens his shirt. "What've we got?"</p>
<p>She turns wide-eyed toward Finn, her mouth hanging somewhat open. "It's a distress signal. From Poe. A planet called Pascaa."</p>
<p>He dashes over, looks for himself. Sure enough, the signal is coming from Poe's emergency beacon, not far from Itarra. Finn feels a spark of hope.</p>
<p>"Wake everyone," he tells her. "We need to leave as soon as the ships are ready."</p>
<p>"Finn, what if—"</p>
<p>"—if it's not him?" he finishes.</p>
<p>"A trap." She nods in agreement. Finn taps the comms, calls Rose in her room.</p>
<p>"Hi Finn. What's the alert?"</p>
<p>"We're picking up an emergency signal from Poe," he starts.</p>
<p>"And you need me to verify it." He can hear her moving around in her room. There is a voice in the background. "We'll be right there."</p>
<p>Finn can't help but grin at Connix. "We?"</p>
<p>"Um, yeah—I'll be down in a minute," she stutters, and Finn thinks the deep voice he hears is Beaumont Kin. Huh. Didn't see that coming.</p>
<p>"Sorry to interrupt, but thanks, Rose. I want to be sure it's not a—"</p>
<p>"Trap," she says. "Of course. On our—on my way."</p>
<p>Finn turns to Connix, who is smirking. "Did you know about that?" he asks.</p>
<p>She shakes her head. "Suspected it, but now we know for sure, don't we?"</p>
<p>"Go easy on her," Finn tells her. "It could be a good thing for them."</p>
<p>"Like you and Poe?" she teases. He blows out a breath, then laughs.</p>
<p>"You can tease us all you want when he gets back. Right now, I'm going to jump in the fresher. Have Rose scrub that signal with everything she's got to verify it."</p>
<p>"Will do, General," she says. "And we'll get him back," she adds. "Whatever happened, we'll find him. And then we're all going to give you two the hardest time ever."</p>
<p>Her sincerity, determination, and light-hearted teasing makes him feel better, and he leaves the command center feeling another burst of hope. They've got a signal and a location for Poe. They will find him.</p>
<hr/>
<p>They don't find him.</p>
<p>Instead, they fly into a trap—two dozen TIEs and a <em>Maxima-class</em> heavy cruiser, all First Order. The TIE fighters are far better than the ones they usually encounter; the Resistance pilots are outnumbered and at a disadvantage, and Finn wonders if this is what happened to Poe and the others.</p>
<p>"We're not going to outfly these guys," Finn says from the <em>Falcon</em>. "They're actually good."</p>
<p>"How the hell does the First Order scrape together two squadrons of decent TIE pilots when they lost the war months ago?" Karé Kun demands over comms.</p>
<p>"There's something different about them," Finn murmurs. "I don't know what, but these are not normal TIE pilots." He can sense it just beyond reach, but doesn't understand, only that something is off. And dangerous.</p>
<p>"We can't abort," she argues. "Poe might be down there!"</p>
<p>"I know," Finn says, letting his frustration out. "There's definitely someone or something down there. The question is whether they brought him to spring the trap, or if they hoped the beacon was enough to get us here."</p>
<p>"If he's there and we leave him, we could be condemning him to death," says Zay Versio, flying with Stiletto squadron. "Or worse."</p>
<p>Chewie growls beside Finn in agreement. Finn nods and addresses his small fleet. "I want Dagger squadron with the <em>Organa</em> to provide cover. Make it look like the cruiser is damaged and you're limping away, Colonel Ackbar. You should be able to draw off a good number of them. Stiletto Squadron, you're with the <em>Falcon</em>. We land at the source of that signal and look for Poe. Fast."</p>
<p>There are acknowledgements all around, and the Corvette moves away with Dagger squadron as Chewie turns the <em>Falcon </em>toward the location of Poe's signal, Stiletto squadron following. Pascaa is a barren landscape of rocks, of small mountains and shallow canyons, the color of rust as far as the eye can see. Finn wonders if Poe escaped here, or if the First Order brought him here to lure them in. Or if Poe is even on Pascaa at all.</p>
<p>They spot a familiar X-wing. Finn's heart starts pounding.</p>
<p>The <em>Falcon</em> lands nearby, and Finn takes Tià and several others, sprints off toward the ship. Karé Kun and two X-wings zip by overhead, drawing away the TIEs that have pursued them toward the surface. It's more than Finn would have liked; they could be picked off on the ground. They run toward Poe's X-wing, calling his name, hoping they will find him—and not a body.</p>
<p>Finn directs the others to search the area around the ship while he pulls himself up onto the wing and scrambles over to the cockpit. It's empty. He doublechecks, searches for any clue he can. It's definitely Poe's ship, and Poe's emergency beacon is on the floor of the cockpit. If he'd been there and activated it, he wouldn't have left. Which means—</p>
<p>"Finn!" Tià calls up from the ground. "Incoming!"</p>
<p>Finn looks up and sees two TIE fighters barreling toward them. He jumps down from the ship, lands awkwardly on his ankle, and struggles to stand. One of the TIEs explodes in fire nearby. Karé Kun shouts at him over the comms.</p>
<p>"They're going after the ship, Finn," she yells. "Get out of there!"</p>
<p>Finn runs as fast as he can, limping too slow to get clear in time. He feels the heat of the blast against his back, is lifted off the ground by the force of it. Thrown against a rock, he hits his head hard. The last thing Finn thinks before he blacks out is that he's glad Poe wasn't in the ship—and hopes that Poe is all right, wherever he is.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed the last chapter in spite of the bombshell at the end! POV will stick with Finn for a few chapters – I'd love to know what you think! Comments keep the blood flowing to our fingers. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> Six </span>
</p><p>Finn wakes in a strange room, warm and bright and far too quiet. He turns his head and looks around, but at the moment, he is alone. Slowly sitting up, he is relieved to find nothing hurts terribly other than his head. He wonders where he is and how he got there, and is about to call out when Rey appears.</p><p>"Finn!" she exclaims. "You're awake!</p><p>"And you're here," he says, dumbfounded. "What are you doing here? Where is here?"</p><p>She comes to sit on the edge of his bed. "You're back on Ajan Kloss. This is the medical area in the new headquarters." She eyes it with a grin. "Impressive, huh? Poe did well! You should see my rooms – they're amazing!"</p><p>"Uh, yeah, mine too," he says. He is still confused. "But how did you get here? How did I get here? What happened?"</p><p>"Well, you were injured on Pascaa, and they brought you back here. You were in the bacta tank for a few hours. Healer Khirana wanted you to rest more, give your brain a chance to heal. You hit your head hard in the explosion."</p><p>"I remember that." He grimaces at the memory of being blasted back by the explosion of Poe's ship. "What happened after the ship blew?"</p><p>"Chewie got you back to the <em>Falcon</em>," she tells him. "And somehow everyone made it out safe. You were the most seriously injured. I guess you were closest to the ship when it exploded. How do you feel?"</p><p>"I'm not sure," Finn says. His head hurts, and he feels tired and sore, but more than anything, he is worried. What about Poe and the others? "How long has it been?"</p><p>"Only two days," she tells him, but his heart jumps in his chest and he sits up fast.</p><p>"Two days!" he exclaims. "Is there any word on Poe yet?" The look on her face tells him everything: they have not had any news. Which means something is very wrong. "Rey, he's in trouble. Something's happened to him, I saw it and we have to—"</p><p>She reaches out for his hand, and he glances down in surprise. And then he thinks about why she would be holding his hand, when she's never been one for much casual touch. "Oh no, please don't tell me he's—"</p><p>"We don't know anything, one way or the other," she assures him, and he relaxes only the slightest bit. Poe is still missing, and Finn's dreams weigh on him even more.</p><p>"Then we have to go to Itarra," he tells her. "That's what we were planning when we picked up his emergency beacon. It's been almost a week—they could be hurt or captured!"</p><p>"Finn!" she stops him, looking worried. "Listen to me. It's going to be okay. We sent a squadron to Itarra with the <em>Organa</em> first thing this morning, and we're expecting to hear from them any moment. If something's happened to Poe and the others there, they'll find them."</p><p>"I should be there," he says. "I wanted to be there!"</p><p>"You're in no state," she tells him sharply. "And Stiletto Squadron can handle it."</p><p>"Wait, Karé went after them?" Finn asks.</p><p>"She did, because she's determined as hell to find them after what happened on Pascaa," Rey tells him. "Tià Arana went with them as well."</p><p>"It was a trap," Finn tells her. "They used Poe's ship to lure us there."</p><p>"It looks like it, but that doesn't mean they have him," Rey points out. "If they're still on Itarra, Karé will find them."</p><p>"And if they're not?"</p><p>Rey grins somewhat ferally, and Finn is reminded of what he loves about her: her determined spirit. "Then we will."</p><p>Finn nods, feels a wave of fatigue wash over him that apparently even a bacta tank can't take care of. He settles back down to a more reclined position, and Rey hops off the bed to give him space, pulling up a chair next to him. He turns on his side, struggling to keep his eyes open.</p><p>"So, what <em>are</em> you doing here?" he asks. "I thought you were heading to Tython?"</p><p>"I was," she says. "But I felt a disturbance in the Force. I think it must have been when you got hit. I turned around. I had to be here." She looks sad. "I feel like we left things poorly between us, and I didn't want you to be alone."</p><p>"And they told you about Poe?" he asks. He wonders if she heard about their kiss before Poe left.</p><p>Rey nods. "Rose filled me in on everything, yes. Which was another reason I had to come back. I want to help find him."</p><p>"I'm glad you did," he murmurs, and he is, no matter the tension between them. "So, did she tell you <em>everything</em> everything?"</p><p>Rey tilts her head to the side, a small smile on her lips. "No, she told me about the mission to Itarra and said I should talk to you about Poe. I know you're worried, but there's more to it than that, isn't there?"</p><p>He nods, his throat tight. He thinks Rey will be happy for him and support him, but he also feels torn: how can he be with Poe, and lead the Resistance, and still train to be a Jedi? Sometimes it feels like too much, and that he is going to let all the people he cares about down.</p><p>"Yeah, there's more," he starts. "We—" He doesn't get any further, for one of the communications officers from the command center bursts into the room then. "Captain Kun is on comms," she tells them, then stops, stands straight. "Sorry, General. Commander Connix thought you would want to know."</p><p>Finn swings his feet over the edge of the bed and is relieved to find that he is wearing pants. He sees a pair of slippers and puts them on, grabs a blanket and starts toward the door. Rey slips under his arm right as he starts to realize it may not have been the best idea to go running to the command center after being in bed for so long. She supports him as they walk as quickly as they can, offering calming words. He is more relieved than he can say that she's come back.</p><p>Connix and Kin are talking to Karé Kun, her blue form hovering in the air before them. She sees Finn enter the room and frowns. "Should you be up?" she asks.</p><p>"I'm fine," he tells her. "What have you found?"</p><p>He can see her shoulders slump even through the holo-call. "I'm sorry, Finn," she says, then corrects herself. "General. We haven't found much at all. There used to be some sort of settlement here, but it's been destroyed. It was pretty basic, and we estimate it happened only a few days ago. So far, we haven't found any sign of Jess or Iolo's X-wings or—" She is interrupted by a shout from her left, and her eyes widen. "Hang on, they've found something."</p><p>Finn swears as she steps out of the frame. It takes a focused effort not to call out to her, to demand news. He can feel Rey beside him, offering her calm support through the Force, but it's not working. He needs to know what happened to Poe.</p><p>Karé steps back into the frame. "They've found Jess and BB-8 not far from here. There's no sign of anyone else." She is bumped aside, and Finn sees BB-8 at her feet, whistling fast and furious. His heart stops; he's picked up a lot of binary, but it's too fast for him to follow. The tone, however, he knows: BB-8 is scared and upset.</p><p>"Slow down, BB-8." Rey tells the little droid. "Tell us what happened as best as you can." The droid trills its answer, and Rey nods. "You're sure? Is Jess all right? And what about Poe?" There is another long answer, followed by a long wail, and the droid drops his dome, clearly saddened.</p><p>"What did he say?" Finn demands, and Rey sighs as she turns to them all.</p><p>"He said they were ambushed—more than a dozen TIE fighters and a light cruiser. Iolo didn't make it." There are several gasps, and Finn swears under his breath. Poe must be devastated. They'd served together in the New Republic and had defected together, survived years with the Resistance. Now just like that, Iolo is gone? It doesn't feel right, even after so many other losses during the war. And then Finn thinks of Tià, and how hard it will be for her.</p><p>"Jess was hit and ejected," Rey tells them. "Poe was caught in a tractor beam and ejected BB-8 to go after her, to make sure he found her and helped her to get the intel back to base."</p><p>"What about Poe?" Finn asks the droid. "What happened to Poe?"</p><p>The droid makes a sorry sound. Karé looks stricken as Jessika Pava limps into view, leaning heavily on Tià Arana. The spy looks devastated, eyes red and jaw tight. She's clearly had news of her brother's death. Jess is bruised and bloodied and holding her side; it's been many days, and her injuries look bad. Finn is glad they found her, but he needs to know what happened to Poe. "Jess! What happened to Poe?"</p><p>"I'm sorry, Finn," she says, and it is a gasping sort of wheeze, like she has several broken ribs. "I don't know. From what BB-8 says, the cruiser must have pulled him in with the tractor beam. He sent BB-8 down to help me."</p><p>"So he's been captured?" Finn asks. "By the First Order?"</p><p>Jess nods. She is exhausted, and Finn can see she is close to tears. "It was definitely First Order, General. They had some kind of camp or facility here. I landed too far away to get a good look before they destroyed it, but my guess this is where they've been bringing all the people they've kidnapped."</p><p>"For what?" Karé asks. "There's nothing here. Even before they blew it all up, it was nothing but a barracks. There's definitely no Stormtrooper training going on here, there's nothing."</p><p>"The TIES were here to protect the camp, but the cruiser came from a <em>Resurgent</em>-class destroyer, Finn," Jess tells him, slipping again in to the familiar. "My guess is that they hit those villages, bring the people here, then load them onto the destroyer. That's where their trooper program is. Find that ship, you'll find those people." She pauses. "And Poe." She exchanges a look with Karé that Finn recognizes immediately. He's thinking the same thing.</p><p>When they find Poe, who will they find? A Resistance General or a First Order Stormtrooper?</p><p>Finn swears again, and BB-8 beeps sadly. Rey tries to reassure him. "We'll find him, BB-8," she tells the droid. "I promise, we'll find him."</p><p>"Captain, bring 'em home—Jess, you look like hell, so no more heroics, okay?"</p><p>"What heroics?" Jess asks despondently. "I got blown out of the sky."</p><p>"Exactly—so listen to Karé. The medbay here is fantastic, I just left it." He takes a breath and looks at Tià, doesn't know what to say but has to say something. He can't imagine what she must be feeling, how he would feel if it had been Poe who hadn't made it. "I'm sorry, Tià," he says, and she nods stoically. "He was a hero, trying to help these people."</p><p>"He died doing what he loved," she says, meeting his eyes with a steely gaze. "But don't think I won't turn over every rock to find the bastards that did this to him." She pauses, her shoulders sinking. "And then hopefully we'll find Poe. I'm sorry, Finn."</p><p>"Don't apologize," he tells her. "We<em> will</em> find Poe, and we <em>will </em>find the bastards who did this. I promise." He looks at Karé Kun. "Captain, I want a thorough search of that planet before you leave—any sign of Poe you can find, or of that Star Destroyer and where it's going—anything. We need all the information you can get us. And you too, BB-8." He almost reaches out to touch the droid before he remembers he can't. "We'll get him back. I got him out of the First Order once before, I can do it again."</p><p>BB-8 beeps his affirmative, and Karé nods. "Yes, General. We'll transmit all the data we have right now, as well as everything BB-8 has. The sooner we can find that ship, the better. We'll let you know if we find anything else."</p><p>"Make it thorough, but make it quick, Captain," Finn tells her. "We need to move on this fast."</p><p>"We should be back in a few hours," she says. "Kun out."</p><p>Finn ducks his head, tries not to think about Poe being held captive again on a First Order Star Destroyer, about what might be happening to him. He needs to focus on finding Poe, not just worrying about it. He turns to Beaumont Kin.</p><p>"We need to find that ship," he says. "What have we got on <em>Resurgent</em>-class Star Destroyers? What's still out there?"</p><p>Kin taps at his data pad, frowns, taps some more. "We don't have much, at least in terms of what's left. We've accounted for them all except two, but that doesn't mean there aren't others that didn't make it into battle."</p><p>"You think they're still making them?"</p><p>"No," Kin says immediately, and he sounds confident. "We'd know. We've got people and droids out there watching the shipyards, and between you and Poe, we've had eyes on the borders for months. We'd know if new ships were being built."</p><p>Finn exchanges a look with Connix, shakes his head. "I appreciate your confidence, but until the New Republic gives us the real go on the Sentinel program, we're only a handful of ships trying to watch far more light-years than we're capable of watching. Look at Exegol. Thousands of ships and never a word."</p><p>Kin purses his lips. "I know, and you're not wrong. But I think our focus should be on the two largest ships we never accounted for, the <em>Relentless</em> and the <em>Ruthless.</em> I think it's more likely Poe was taken by one of them than he was taken by new construction."</p><p>Rey speaks before Finn can reply, which is probably better because she is more composed than him. "Can you start tracking them? Put your people on it?"</p><p>"Right away," he says. "We'll find them, both of them. And we'll find Poe."</p><p>"Thanks, Kin," Finn tells him, then turns to Rey. His energy is suddenly failing him, and he needs to sit down—or lay down. Preferably back in the medical bay. "I need to talk to you. Alone."</p><p>She nods and looks at Connix. "I'm going to take Finn back to the medical bay. Call us if you hear anything new."</p><p>Kaydel nods, and Finn walks out with Rey. He can barely move his feet and is startled to feel a warm flow of energy from Rey beside him. "I thought you couldn't do that anymore?" he asks. "Heal people?"</p><p>"Not really," she says. "I still can share some of the energy I draw from the Force, that's all. Enough to get you back to bed."</p><p>"Why am I so tired?" Finn grumbles. "There is too much to do!"</p><p>"You had a head injury. It'll take a while to feel normal again, and that's okay. You're not the only one worried about Poe. Everyone is going to do all that they can to find him."</p><p>"I know," Finn murmurs. He is quiet the rest of the way and practically falls back into his bed. A medical droid rolls over and gives him an earful about leaving without permission. It asks him if he needs anything, and Finn admits that his head hurts. After a glass of water and a few pills, he leans back on his pillows. Rey sits next to him once more.</p><p>"Better?" she asks.</p><p>"Once we find Poe, yes," he replies. She sighs and leans forward.</p><p>"Finn, I think we need to talk. I feel like there's more going on here than I know." She glances up at him with liquid eyes. "And I need to know if I'm going to help. I want to know. I thought we were friends."</p><p>"We are!" Finn exclaims. "Of course we are."</p><p>"Then what aren't you telling me? I can sense that something else is bothering you."</p><p>Finn blows out a long breath. He can't avoid it anymore. Poe is gone, and he needs Rey's support more than anything right now.</p><p>"I had a vision," he starts, and her eyes widen.</p><p>"You mean, like a Force-vision?"</p><p>"I think so," he says. "Obviously, I don't have a lot of experience with this stuff, but it was while I was meditating on Ansion. I saw Poe. The First Order had him, and they were torturing him. He was bruised and bloody, with short hair and no beard. He looked different, broken. He was in pain." He takes a deep breath. "I told him about it, before he left. Not so he didn't go, but…I don't know, maybe so he didn't go. Or so I could go with him, help him. But he said he was glad to know, and that he'd be careful."</p><p>Finn sits up and pierces her with a look. "But they took him, Rey. I know they did. I saw it again, before we left. I saw needles and more torture—it was awful. We have to find him, stop whatever it is they're doing to him."</p><p>She nods, but doesn't speak right away. After a moment, she speaks quietly. "Do you think they're doing the same thing to him that they're doing to the other people they've taken? This Stormtrooper program Tià heard about?"</p><p>He nods, reluctant to think it yet alone admit it, but yes, that's what his instinct tells him. And the thought of it makes his guts twist. "Okay, so you had a vision—but that's a good thing, Finn! I know you're worried, but it could help us. Do you remember any details that might help us find Poe?"</p><p>He thinks back, tries to pinpoint anything that might tell him more, but so far, he's only seen Poe, no one else, with no details that Finn can identify to help them. It's frustrating, and he shakes his head, feeling like he's letting them both down.</p><p>As if she can read his mind, Rey reaches out and takes his hand. "It's all right. Sometimes visions are vague like that. But maybe it was enough to put Poe on his guard. He's strong, you know that. And frightfully stubborn. The First Order didn't break him before, and they won't break him now."</p><p>"What if they're not trying to break him?" Finn asks quietly. That is his biggest fear, that when they find Poe, he may not be the same man. Which means they not only need to start tracking this Star Destroyer, they need to find out more about the trooper training program Engell is running. "We have to find him, and we have to know what they're doing to people. And then we have to stop it."</p><p>"We will," she says. "It's over, Finn. The First Order is not coming back. They are not going to win."</p><p>Finn doesn't tell her his other fear: that if they turn Poe, maybe they could.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! If you thought that Finn was captured, sorry to disappoint! If you were missing Rey, I hope you enjoyed her return (yes, they still have more to talk about, and yes, they will!) Thank you to everyone who is reading this story and to everyone who has commented - I appreciate knowing your thoughts so much! I'm hoping to post the next chapter on Friday, but it needs a lot of editing, so fingers crossed! Thanks again! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Seven</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Finn ends up staying in the medical area the rest of the day and crosses paths with Jessika Pava when she returns. They bring her in on a stretcher, and Finn's heart breaks at the sight: pale and gaunt, she's lost weight from her time hiding in the forests of Itarra. When BB-8 finally found her, she was unconscious, and he nursed her back to some semblance of health by collecting rainwater as best as he could. He brought her sticks to splint her arm and berries to eat while they waited for rescue.</p>
<p>It is the haunted look in her eyes, however, that hurts more than anything. At first, she tries to stay strong, but they have both been through too much in the last week. He pulls her into a fierce embrace, and they both cry for what they've lost. And then Healer Khirana shoos Finn out and gives Jess a sedative as she begins the long healing process.</p>
<p>He is standing outside her room feeling lost when BB-8 comes rolling up and bumps him on the leg. He beeps sadly, and Finn crouches down to rub the little droid's dome.</p>
<p>"Jess will be all right now, thanks to you," he says, as much for BB-8 as for himself. "And we'll find Poe. You know how strong he is. He'll be all right when we do." BB-8 nods his dome in agreement, then suddenly whistles angrily.</p>
<p>"He wanted you to help Jess," Finn tells him. "And to get the intel back to us. So can you tell me what happened? Exactly what happened, every detail."</p>
<p>He motions the droid toward his own room—he's hoping to be released soon—and sits down in the chair beside the bed. BB-8 tells him about Itarra: about the cloud cover and their plan to move closer to the settlement they'd detected. About the squadron of TIEs that had risen from the forest, taking out Iolo, and then damaging Jess's ship. About the cruiser that had appeared, locking onto Poe. Which was when Poe had jettisoned BB-8 to go after Jess. BB-8 wonders why Poe didn't eject as well.</p>
<p>"It might not have worked," Finn says. "I don't know what a tractor beam would do to an ejector seat, it could have ripped him apart. Or they could have blown him out of the sky. He took the chance that getting captured was the best way to stay alive." BB-8 makes the sad sound again. "I know you don't like being left behind. We'll find him together, okay? With Rey."</p>
<p>BB-8 beeps enthusiastically at that, and it makes Finn smile. The smile turns into a yawn, however, and he eyes his bed, both longingly and reluctantly. His head hurts again, and he still tires quickly. It's the concussion, and he knows it, but he's impatient to heal. He wants to be out there, looking for Poe. But he also knows he won't get far, not if he leaves before he's ready.</p>
<p>So he climbs into bed and falls asleep almost immediately. This time, he doesn't dream.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Finn wakes the next morning to the insistent trilling of his favorite astromech droid. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he rolls over and finds BB-8 beside his bed. The droid whistles something that sounds like 'Finally!' when Finn opens his eyes.</p>
<p>"Give a guy a break," Finn mutters. "I got blown up a few days ago." He sits up and rolls his shoulders, finds he isn't quite as sore as the day before. He looks down at BB-8. "You're lucky I feel better. What's going on?"</p>
<p>The droid spins in a circle, then reaches out with one of his pincers. He's holding a pouch and whistles that it's for Finn.</p>
<p>"What is it?" Finn asks. He takes the pouch, but as soon as he touches it, he somehow knows what it is, and it's like a flush of cold fills his soul. He practically falls off the bed, kneeling in front of BB-8. "Where did you get this?"</p>
<p>His voice sounds angry, scared, and Finn feels terrible as BB-8 rolls backward, his dome drooping in dismay. Finn reaches out, apologizes. "I'm sorry, it's just…why are you giving this to me? I don't understand."</p>
<p>Poe wanted him to have it, BB-8 tells him. He used to leave it for his dad, but he told BB-8 to make sure he got back if they were separated and to give it to Finn. He asks if Finn is mad.</p>
<p>"No, I'm not mad, BB," Finn tells him. He sits on the floor with a sigh, and the droid rolls up next to him. Finn leans against him, takes the ring from the pouch, and lets it dangle from his fingers. "I'm…surprised. And scared." <em>Boop-boop-whorp. </em>"I said we'd find him and bring him home, and we will. Don't worry."</p>
<p>"You should try following your own advice," Rey says, coming into the room and finding them on the floor. She sits down next to them and rubs BB-8's dome. "Finn's right, we'll find him." She looks at Finn, sees the chain in his hand. He starts to put it back in the pouch, but Rey reaches for his hand, and BB-8 whistles loudly.</p>
<p>"You're right, BB," she says. She looks at Finn very seriously. "You should keep it."</p>
<p>"Oh no, I can't—" Finn starts, panic swelling.</p>
<p>"It's Poe's, isn't it?" He nods. "And he left it for you, didn't he?" When he nods again, she gives him the same look she often gives him during some of their training sessions. "Then you should wear it. He would want you to."</p>
<p>"I have no idea what Poe would want," Finn says, too sharply. "He left and got himself captured before we could—" He stops, lets out a long breath. "Sorry. It's not his fault. I know that. I'm not mad at him. Just frustrated. Disappointed."</p>
<p>"Disappointed in what?" she asks, and when Finn doesn't answer right away, BB-8 does—in great detail. Rey's hand flies to her mouth.</p>
<p>"You kissed him?" she exclaims, then swats his arm. "Finn! Why didn't you say anything?"</p>
<p>"I was about to when Karé called yesterday," he tells her. "And then I didn't."</p>
<p>She studies him silently, takes the ring from his hand. "It's all connected, isn't it?" she murmurs, sounding more thoughtful than hurt or upset. "Poe and your vision and why you wanted to take a break from training?"</p>
<p>He nods, feeling miserable for not being honest up front. "I'm sorry," he says. "But yes, it is."</p>
<p>She looks at BB-8, who whistles with a tone of exasperation. "I agree," she says. She slips the ring over Finn's head despite his protests. "No, you're going to wear it, and you're going to tell me exactly what's going on." She helps him stand and practically pushes him back onto the bed, sitting down next to him. Looking at the ring once more, he tucks it into his shirt and turns to Rey. BB-8 rolls closer, watching them curiously.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," he says again. "That I didn't say anything. I guess I didn't know how to tell you. And I didn't want to ruin things."</p>
<p>"What things?" she asks. "Finn, you can tell me anything, you must know that!"</p>
<p>"I didn't want you to be upset or angry. Only you were anyway," he murmurs dejectedly. BB-8 trills softly, expressing concern. Rey shakes her head.</p>
<p>"No, but I was confused. I didn't really understand why you wanted to step back from training. It seemed so sudden."</p>
<p>"Is it why you left?" he asks, not sure he wants the answer. She looks puzzled; maybe he was wrong.</p>
<p>"Of course not. I left because I had a feeling that something important was close. Is that what you thought? That I left because you wanted to take a break from training?" She scrunches her face. "Is that why you didn't tell me about your vision? Or Poe?"</p>
<p>He nods dejectedly. "Yes, but there was nothing to say about Poe, other than…damn, this is hard." He takes a deep breath, gathers his thoughts, and plows on. He can't help Poe if he's too distracted by his own issues. And he needs to clear the air with Rey. She's one of his best friends, and the feeling of letting her down has weighed on him for too long. It's a bit strange with BB-8 watching, but there's nothing for it, since he doesn't want to send the astromech away. The droid is probably just as worried as Finn is about Poe.</p>
<p>"Look, it sort of started when we were reading that old book, the one that talks about the Jedi not forming attachments. I don't agree with that."</p>
<p>She nods in understanding. "I could tell," she says.</p>
<p>"But you said you understood," he continues. "And I didn't want to say anything, because I'd already been feeling...I don't know, unsure? Like I didn't know what I was doing—with the Resistance, with training." He stops, and she fills in the rest.</p>
<p>"And with Poe?" she suggests. BB-8 echoes her question, and she smiles at him.</p>
<p>"With Poe," Finn admits. "Going out on these missions made me see how well we work together, how much I missed that. How much I missed <em>him </em>and cared about him. I hated leaving him so much more work when I was training, but I hated not being able to train more! And then I had that vision a few days later…"</p>
<p>"And?" she prods when he stops. "Why didn't you tell me then?"</p>
<p>He meets her eyes. "Because it proves what that book says, doesn't it? Why the old Jedi didn't form attachments. I had a vision of Poe in terrible danger, and all I could think about was getting back here to him. Not being a general, not becoming a Jedi. Him, Rey. Only him."</p>
<p>Rey sucks in a breathy, "<em>Oh</em>," and pulls Finn into a fierce embrace while BB-8 offers a low whistle, his dome turning back and forth between them. "I'm so sorry," Rey murmurs. Finn sits back in surprise.</p>
<p>"Why are you sorry?" he asks. "You didn't do anything wrong!"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry I didn't see it—and I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could tell me all this before," she says, holding his hand tight. "I could tell you cared about him, but I didn't think it was…" She trails off with a wiggle of her eyebrows.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Finn murmurs, oddly embarrassed. "I guess it is." She tilts his chin up and smiles.</p>
<p>"It's brilliant," she says. "I think you'll be amazing together." Once again, BB-8 whistles his agreement, adding that Poe has wanted to tell Finn for a long time, but didn't know how. That surprises Finn, warms his heart to think that yes, Poe feels the same way. Yet there is still something that worries him.</p>
<p>"But what about the Jedi thing?" he asks. Never mind that Poe isn't even there at the moment for them to <em>be</em> together. How can he be with Poe if Jedi aren't supposed to fall in love?</p>
<p>"We're the first of the new Jedi," Rey says without pause. "I think we can write some new rules, don't you?"</p>
<p>"But the book said—"</p>
<p>"Finn." She pulls both of his hands into hers now. "Maybe when it comes to love, what works for some Jedi won't work for others. Maybe that's why the old Jedi failed."</p>
<p>Finn pulls her into his own embrace. "I want to fight for what I love," he whispers against her neck. "For <em>who</em> I love." In a way, it's what he's been doing since he left the First Order: fighting for his friends, the people he cares about. He doesn't want that to change now because he has deeper feelings for Poe—or because he's training to be a Jedi. He wants to learn about the Force, and he wants to be able to protect the people he cares about. Yet he would sacrifice his training if it meant he was free to love.</p>
<p>Rey squeezes him tight and sits back, still staying close. "I see that now. You're practically glowing with it. And I understand why you didn't say anything." And then she frowns, and Finn sighs.</p>
<p>"But?"</p>
<p>"But what?" She's terrible at sounding innocent, for all that she really is quite innocent at times.</p>
<p>"You understand, but you still disagree. I can tell."</p>
<p>"No, that's not it," she says, shaking her head. "It's not that I disagree. But I do understand why the Jedi had that rule. Being close to someone makes you vulnerable. When you care about someone, you fear losing them. It's fear that leads down the path to the Dark Side. Fear and anger—even when it comes from love." She scrunches up her face, shakes her head again. "It makes sense, but it also seems so cold and distant, to refuse to love because of fear." She sighs. "I wish Master Luke were still here to explain it more."</p>
<p>Finn thinks about her words, ponders the truth of them. Yes, he cares about Poe, and at that moment, he is terrified of losing Poe. He is also angry at the First Order, but would that fear and anger push him toward the Dark Side? Would he give in to those impulses, do anything to save Poe from whatever fate has befallen him? Or would he be able to step back from that precipice if he found himself falling forward? He doesn't know. He only knows that he won't give up on Poe. And if that means he sets aside his Jedi training, then maybe that's what he has to do.</p>
<p>Only it occurs to him that maybe he needs to do the opposite—instead of withdrawing, maybe he needs to strengthen his connection to the Force. Maybe that's how he'll find Poe, how he'll stay strong and connected to the light. Surely love is stronger than fear and anger, and it makes much more sense to him to embrace love as a part of the Force, rather than deny it. He wonders if denying that part of himself—his heart— would lead down the wrong path more certainly than fear and anger.</p>
<p>"We'll figure it out," he tells her. "Together." And he believes it: they may not have all the answers, and they won't always agree, but they will do their best.</p>
<p>"And we'll find Poe," she says. "Together." He nods, and Rey grins slyly. "So was it good?"</p>
<p>"Was what good?" he replies without thinking.</p>
<p>She bumps him in the shoulder. "The kiss. You know there's been a bet going on that for months!"</p>
<p>"Rey Skywalker, don't tell me you were in on it," he tells her with his most serious face. She laughs.</p>
<p>"I knew there was a bet, but you both seemed so focused on work, on the Resistance and rebuilding, that I didn't think either of you were interested!"</p>
<p>Finn smiles to himself. When they find Poe, and they will, he's going to make sure he's focused on more than work and the Resistance. And he will never wait to say anything again, knowing how quickly life can change in an instant. He just hopes that it's not too late.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A short chapter, I know! I thought they'd talk more at the end, make their big plans, only they didn't! But Finn has the ring, and he and Rey talked, so I hope you enjoyed it. It's also a day early, but I'm hoping to post the next update on Sunday so I can finish Part Two (Chapters 5-9) before Christmas. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> Eight </span>
</p><p>Finn spends the next week recuperating from his injury and slowly returning to his training with Rey. His body heals more each day, and his connection to the Force begins to feel different. He's set aside his doubts: he will be a Jedi, he will find Poe, and they can be together. He will not choose between them, and he is determined to work even harder, to channel the Force to the best of his growing ability, in order to find Poe. He dreams of Poe several times, though it is always a variation of the same thing: Poe is in pain, struggling and scared, or he else he is grey and distant, his eyes cold and hard.</p><p>After another week, Finn leaves Ajan Kloss in the capable hands of Kaydel Connix and Rose Tico. He can feel the disapproval of Beaumont Kin practically radiating from the other man and pulls him aside before leaving with Rey and Chewie. They are taking the <em>Falcon</em> to find Poe, no matter what anyone says.</p><p>"Look, she's good," Finn says, then makes it clear when Kin gives him a confused look. "Rose. She can do this."</p><p>"Oh, I know she can," Kin replies, but he's still frowning.</p><p>"Then what's the problem?" Finn asks. He is impatient to leave, to begin the search for Poe, and it must come through in his voice.</p><p>"You," Kin says. "You should be here, in case we need you. You're the General, you know."</p><p>"I know," Finn says. "Really, I get it. We always said one of us would be here, but honestly…Poe is the one you need, the one the New Republic wants to talk to, not me. And Poe is missing. I have to find him."</p><p>"None of that is actually true," Kin tells him, and Finn feels his hackles raise a little at being contradicted. "You are as much the leader here as Poe. The New Republic will talk to you, more than the rest of us. And yes, Poe is missing, but we've got people looking for him, and we can send out more. You know that. It doesn't have to be you."</p><p>Finn glares at him, hating that Kin is right. And yet…it's not going to stop him. He's going to find Poe. He's not going to delegate it out, so he can sit around making holo-calls with politicians and bureaucrats.</p><p>"Look," he says, stepping closer and lowering his voice. "This is something I need to do. It's not that I don't care about the Resistance, I do…but I care about Poe, too. He's in trouble, Kin. I saw it, and I warned him, but he went anyway, because that's how he is. He's a hero, and the real General around here. I have to save him. I can't do this without him."</p><p>Kin's face goes from tense to surprised to understanding. And then he unexpectedly pulls Finn into an awkward hug. "I get it mate," he murmurs. "I think I'd do anything for her."</p><p>Finn's eyebrows fly up in surprise, but Kin can't see him. He knew something was going on between him and Rose, but it's still unexpected to hear from Kin; he half wonders why Rose hasn't said anything, especially if it's serious.</p><p>"Keep an eye on her," Finn says as he steps away, and Kin makes an inelegant snorting sound.</p><p>"She doesn't need me for that," he points out, and Finn thinks the man is probably right: Rose Tico is more than capable of taking care of herself.</p><p>"Being in charge isn't easy," he says. "Just…I don't know. Get her flowers or something."</p><p>Kin grins, and it grows until he's holding back a laugh, and then they are both laughing, until Rey walks by and rolls her eyes. "Let's go, General," she says. "We've got a pilot to find." Which for some reason makes them laugh even harder.</p><p>"Good luck," Beaumont says when they finally catch their breath. "You'll bring him back."</p><p>"I'll do my best," Finn tells him—tells himself. He's determined, but what if it's not enough? What if he finds Poe, but can't bring him back?</p><p>He walks slowly up the ramp to the <em>Falcon</em>, thinking about all he's leaving behind—his friends, his home. His place in the world. Yet, it means nothing without Poe. He knows that now, accepts it. He's going to find Poe, and he's going to kiss him again, and they're going to talk and figure out their future together. Finn only hopes Poe wants the same future that he does.</p><hr/><p>They spend weeks following a trail of breadcrumbs—less than breadcrumbs, really. They start back on Itarra, but any evidence of what the First Order was doing there was destroyed, like Karé reported. They do find Jess's ship and pull her flight records, but there's nothing that points them where to go next. The Star Destroyer that captured Poe could be anywhere in the galaxy by now.</p><p>Finn continues to train, tries to meditate, to reach out with the Force and feel something, <em>anything</em>, but there's still only the dreams, and they are all variations of the same ones he's had: Poe, staring into the darkness, cold and grey. Or Poe, strapped down, unconscious and in agony. There are always needles and Finn knows that Poe is in pain from the twitch of his muscles, the strain in his face. Poe's hair is short, his face clean-shaven. This, then, is the continuation of his first vision so many weeks ago: Poe, in the hands of the First Order. Tortured and broken.</p><p>After a long month of hard training and relentless searching resulting in nothing but dead ends, they return to Ajan Kloss to regroup. Tià Arana left to begin her own search for her brother's killers, and Kin sent word to all their people about Poe, to be on the lookout for any scrap of information that could help. Even the New Republic is aware that General Dameron is missing, as it seemed more honest than making up some sort of never-ending undercover mission for the Resistance leader. They did not tell the Senate about the trooper program, though; they have no real proof of it yet, and Finn worries how they may look at Poe when he returns, if they suspect he was subjected to any kind of reconditioning.</p><p>There is nothing. No word from Tia, from their friends and allies, from anyone—about Poe or the First Order. It's been over six weeks now, and it's like the First Order is hiding, biding their time, waiting for them to stop looking. Finn will never stop, but when the New Republic contacts them for assistance with an ongoing struggle in the Bakura sector, he is forced to return to his job as General. To lead their small fleet, to do his best at negotiations. And he wishes more than anything that Poe was there, by his side.</p><hr/><p>As things settle down on Bakura, there are rumors of First Order activity in the Braxant sector. Rey takes BB-8 and her fighter and leaves Bakura, searching for both Poe and whatever calls her through the Force. She thinks she finds what she's searching for on Revyia, including more books and an old lightsaber. There is still no word on Poe, and she continues the search alone.</p><p>Finn returns to Ajan Kloss following the truce at Bakura, chafing at the sense of duty and responsibility keeping him there. He works on his Force-training exercises, hoping to strengthen his connection to the Force so that he can see something, sense something besides Poe's pain. He practices Force-pushes and moving things with his mind. He meditates. He thinks he's growing stronger, and yet…he's distracted by his worry and his fear, and sometimes feels like he's making no progress whatsoever. He can float rocks and guide them with precision, move things with a wave of his hand, run and jump faster and higher than he ever could, but how will that help him find Poe? He needs another vision. It's discouraging, especially with Rey gone on her own again. The frustration grows—with his training, with the Force, and with the lack of information on Poe. He feels it like a rock in the pit of his stomach, every day and night.</p><p>After months of no news, reports begin to trickle in of several villages destroyed along the Outer Rim territories bordering Wild Space once more. They send people out to try and track down those responsible, yet they are always too late, finding only the stories of an increasingly stronger First Order force. Of Star Destroyers prowling through space, of weaker systems taken, of others surrendering. There is still no word on Poe, and Finn fears the worst.</p><p>After another month of being stuck on Ajan Kloss, Finn asks if Chewie will help him look for Poe again. The Wookie readily agrees, and they pack the <em>Falcon</em> that night, ready to leave first thing in the morning. Finn is debating leaving a holo for Rose or talking to her when D-O rolls up with Kaydel Connix, both of them looking indignant and annoyed.</p><p>D-O says something about wanting to help look for Poe too, then rolls right into the <em>Falcon</em> and stays there, as if daring Finn to do anything about it. He can't—D-O has picked up far too much attitude from BB-8 apparently— so he turns to Connix with a sigh.</p><p>"You're leaving again?" she asks quietly. "Without saying anything?"</p><p>"I was going to," he offers, but it's a lie. "Later."</p><p>"Finn, we need you here," she says, laying a hand on his arm. "We have as many people as we can out looking for him. We'll find him."</p><p>"It's not enough," he tells her. "And you don't need me, Poe does. It's been months. They're doing something terrible to him, Kaydel. I can feel it. I have to find him."</p><p>She searches his eyes, sees the desperation his feels clawing at his chest every day. With a quick hug, she steps back and motions him inside the ship. "There's a lot of chatter coming out of the Hutt sector," she tells him. "Stay in touch, because we may need you back sooner than you think."</p><p>"And if something happens, <em>anything,</em> I'll be back," he promises. "Thank you."</p><p>"May the Force be with you," she murmurs, and he can't resist kissing her on the cheek. She looks surprised, then shakes her head with a smile. "Nerf-herder. Good luck."</p><p>"You too," he tells her, and he hurries toward the cockpit. Chewie preps the ship from the pilot's seat as Finn straps in as co-pilot. D-O rolls up behind them and asks how they are going to find Poe.</p><p>"We're going to do our best, buddy. Let's go."</p><p>They spend a fortnight searching for word in every dingy spaceport they can in the Braxant and surrounding sectors. They hear the rumors of Star Destroyers moving through Wild Space and deep into the Uncharted Territories, of a charismatic new general, yet they can never pin it down enough to know where to go next—or get there in time. They only hear the stories. Finn struggles to sleep at night, picks at his food. Chewie gives him a hard time, tells him they're not going to be able to rescue Poe from a Star Destroyer if Finn can't even hold his blaster up. Finn doesn't reply. He works with a desperate focus on connecting to the Force, on strengthening his skills. They stake out a cantina for information, only to get into a bar fight; Finn Force-pushes the Trandoshan who started it over the bar. Chewie calls Rey and tells her everything.</p><p>She meets them on Comra and gives him the dress down he probably deserves—for leaving Ajan Kloss, for not taking care of himself, for getting into a stupid fight. She also gives him the lightsaber she found on Revyia.</p><p>"You might need it," she tells him when he protests and hands it back. She closes his hand around it. "I know it's meant for you, Finn. I've seen it. I think you should start working with it."</p><p>"No," he says, shaking his head. "I need to focus on this, not sword-fighting."</p><p>"But you're not focused," she points out. "Not really. Let the Force guide you through this."</p><p>"I'm trying to let the Force guide me," he snaps. "I've been working with it every day, and yet I can't sense anything else about Poe. Wielding a lightsaber won't help me find him."</p><p>"But maybe this is what you need, another way to focus. It won't hurt, and it can only help." She pauses. "Please? Poe would hate to see you like this, and you know he wanted you to have a lightsaber more than anything."</p><p>She's right—Poe had been so excited when Finn had told the other man about being Force-sensitive, it had been the first thing he'd asked: when did Finn get his own lightsaber? What color did he want? He glances down at the curved grip in his hand, closes his eyes and tries to feel it. It feels…good. Right. Yes, maybe it is meant for him, maybe –</p><p>…<em>there is blood and smoke and so much screaming… blaster bolts ricochet from the brilliant white blade to scorch holes in every wall…bodies fall, limbs sheared off, creating a path of gore that grows and grows…</em></p><p>Finn drops the lightsaber with a gasp. Rey bends over and picks it up, lays her hand on his arm. "What is it? What did you see?"</p><p>He stares at her before he finds the words. "Nothing good," he tells her, jerking his head toward the weapon in her hand. "I'm not taking it."</p><p>When he finds it in his bunk later that night, he wraps it in leather and tucks it away as far from him as he can. He will find Poe, and he may very well die saving the other man, but he will not let that vision come true.</p><hr/><p>The <em>Falcon</em> is called back to Ajan Kloss. The turf war in Hutt space has broken out into a much larger conflict, and the Senate seems to think Finn can help. They're wrong. They need Poe, and if they'd let him leave, Finn could be out there searching. Instead, he is pulled into the conflict, certain it's a diversion. Word comes in that the First Order is growing strong in the Veragi sector, but Finn is stuck.</p><p>He loses another fortnight and countless hours of sleep to something the New Republic should be handling on their own. Rey stays by his side, keeping him calm, helping him with his training. He takes up the lightsaber to spar with her. Just because he saw something terrible when he first touched it does not mean it will come to pass. He can change it now that he knows. The quiet voice inside his head reminds him that Poe went out knowing he was in danger and that he was still captured, but Finn sets the doubt aside, determined to change what he saw.</p><p>He will need every strength and skill he has to not only find Poe, but to rescue him from whatever hell he's suffering, and so Finn claims the white blade. He finds that lightsaber training does help him focus, and he feels stronger each time. There is a connection to the saber, and after several sessions, Finn can not only hold his own against Rey, but can channel his frustration to press her back. He worries that he's skirting the edge of a dangerous precipice at times, but feels that holding it in will only set him back.</p><p>As soon as they can, they leave Rose and Connix in charge and return to the search. Finn flies to the Veragi sector with Chewie, while Rey flies out with BB-8, hoping that separately they can find something, anything, that will help lead them to Poe.</p><p>The first planet the <em>Falcon</em> comes to is empty—no Star Destroyers—as are the second and third. But as they head into Wild Space and the Kaddok regions and approach the fourth planet, Chewie roars in alarm: there is a Star Destroyer in orbit.</p><p>It takes all the patience Finn has to not charge forward, but to stay back, to watch and listen. Several transport shuttles and a full squadron of TIEs soon return to the Star Destroyer, and Finn dreads what they will find on the ground. He suspects they've just witnessed another attack, but what can the <em>Falcon </em>do against a Star Destroyer? He closes his eyes and reaches out, tries to sense Poe through the Force.</p><p>It's strange…it's like he's there, but asleep and wrapped in layer upon layer of wool. Finn tries to wake him, to reach out and pull back the layers, but too soon, the Star Destroyer jumps to hyperspace, and the sense of Poe's presence disappears. Finn swears, wishing they had the technology to follow. Poe had been on that ship, and he'd been…what? Drugged? Unconscious? In a coma?</p><p>Their best bet is to search for clues on the ground, but it's worse than Finn could have imagined. An entire village, destroyed: dead bodies everywhere, all the young and old. It turns Finn's stomach, and they search desperately for any survivors, but there are none. And there are no clues to where the rest of the villagers have been taken.</p><p>Finn staggers back to the <em>Falcon</em>, his head bowed by the weight of so many dead. They can't just leave them. He holo-coms Connix and orders a transport to come bury the dead. He also asks her to get in touch with Suralinda Javos, with the hope that maybe the former pilot turned journalist can help get the word out. The new Republic needs to stop ignoring what's happening, or history will continue to repeat itself.</p><p>"We'll send someone out immediately, General," Connix tells him. "And I'll ask Jess if she can get in contact with Suralinda so we can bring her in on this. Good idea." She smiles. "Poe would have done the same thing, you know."</p><p>"I know," Finn says. "Where do you think I got the idea?"</p><p>She smiles, then glances down at her data pad. "Speaking of Poe, Tiá Arana is on her way in, and she says she has a lead."</p><p>Finn sits up, looks to Chewie. "What kind of lead? Something we can follow up on immediately?"</p><p>"Not exactly," Connix replies. "I think she's bringing in someone who worked on the trooper project." There is a pause. "Someone who may have seen Poe."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well damn this chapter about killed me. I'll try to post the next one before Christmas because it's the end of Part Two, but no promises as a change in direction here really made a mess of it. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> Nine </span>
</p><p>"Who is he?" Finn demands, staring through the small window into the room where their prisoner is being held. The man inside is slightly built, with dark hair showing hints of grey and a scar across his cheek. He can't be much older than Poe. His First Order uniform is dirty and torn, and he wears the rank of major.</p><p>"He won't talk to us," Kin tells him. "Said he'd only talk to you."</p><p>"Really?" Finn grins ferally. "Then I'm looking forward to it." He turns to Tiá Arana. "Where did you pick him up?"</p><p>"Shandura," she says. "Well past Bogo Rai into Wild Space. Desolate little planet, perfect for hiding."</p><p>Finn's never heard of it, asks her how she did. She crosses her arms over her chest. "I'm a spy. I watch, I listen—I <em>spy</em>. First heard word about several Star Destroyers always showing up in the same area, so I followed the rumors and worked my way closer until I had some locations to check out."</p><p>Finn glances at Rose and Kin. "Why didn't you bring it to us?" he asks, though he can guess the answer. She raises an eyebrow, as if daring him to cross her. He won't, because he understands.</p><p>"I want the bastards that killed my brother," she says, and if her voice cracks, Finn pretends to not notice. He simply nods. "And no, I wasn't thinking I'd take 'em out on my own, but I wanted to make sure we know what we're getting into and don't walk into another trap when we take them down."</p><p>"We?" Finn asks, and gets the look again. "Okay, so how did you get this guy?"</p><p>She shrugs. "Found him planetside smoking a cigarra, knocked him out, and dragged him back here."</p><p>Finn raises an eyebrow. There's definitely more to that story, but if she's not ready to share it, that's all right. "Did he tell you anything?"</p><p>"Not really, but I know the codename for their trooper project is Rewrite. Shandura is their staging point, like Itarra. It's where they bring the prisoners before uploading them onto the ship. I don't think Poe is there, but once this guy tells us where he is, Shandura will be our opening. How <em>we</em> get in."</p><p>"Poe is on one of the Star Destroyers," Finn says. "We came across the end of an attack. I could sense him." And now they have someone who can tell them exactly what happened to Poe, which ship he's on and how to find it. "This is exactly what we needed. Good work, Tià."</p><p>"It's only good work when we get Poe back and stop them from hurting anyone else. You ready to talk to him?"</p><p>Finn nods. "I'm ready. Let's go."</p><p>"Be careful," Kin says quietly.</p><p>"I'll be fine, "Finn replies, but it's a lie. This man holds the power to destroy Finn with only a few words. He could easily end all hopes for Finn's future.</p><p>"I'm coming with you," Rey says, hurrying up to them with BB-8. Finn gives her a quick hug and nods. He is glad she is back and there to support him.</p><p>"He won't talk to you," Tià tells her. "He's terrified of you. I got that much out of him."</p><p>"That's his problem, not mine," Rey says.</p><p>"I got this," Finn tells her. "Wait out here just in case."</p><p>"In case of what?"</p><p>Finn shrugs. "In case we need backup."</p><p>Finn can feel Rey's concern, but he nods to let her know he's all right, then turns and steps into the room. Tià follows and shuts the door behind them.</p><p>The prisoner is slumped over in a chair, his arms clamped to the table before him, his head lolling down against his chest as if he's sleeping or unconscious. He'd been injured during his capture, and Tiá clearly didn't bother with his comfort.</p><p>"I'm General Finn," he says, sitting down across from the man. Tià stands at his shoulder, glowering at her prisoner. "I heard you wanted to talk to me, so talk."</p><p>The man slowly lifts his head up. His lower lip is split, and his right eye is almost swollen shut. "FN-2187. I know you."</p><p>Finn bares his teeth. "You don't know a damn thing about me. Because that's not my name."</p><p>"They said you could have been great," the man murmurs. "You could have been an officer."</p><p>"I am an officer," Finn snaps. "I'm a general now. Who are you?"</p><p>The man's eyes flutter as he looks away, silently defiant. "Look, I can call you asshole, or I can use your name. Either way, you're going to tell me everything." He leans forward and pitches his voice with just enough threat to get through.</p><p>"Ravana," the man tells him. "<em>Major </em>Ravana."</p><p>"You work for Engell?" Finn asks. He gets only a tip of the head in return.</p><p>"Look, we know about the Rewrite project, and we're going to take it down. Maybe we'll let you live if you tell us where Poe Dameron is." Ravana narrows his eyes, then smirks. It sets Finn's heart pounding with fear and anger.</p><p>"Where is he?" he demands. The other man stares blankly ahead. "What did you do to him?"</p><p>"We fixed him," Ravana replies. He clasps his fingers in front of him and smirks again. "You might even say we improved him. Gave him pride and purpose."</p><p>"What?" Finn doesn't understand how any kind of torture could possibly give someone purpose. He sits back, crossing his arms over his chest and tucking in his fists to keep from lashing out. "Tell me how. Tell me what you did."</p><p>"But you said you know," the man cocks his head, too calm.</p><p>"The Rewrite project. How does it work?" The man doesn't answer. Finn rolls his eyes. "Look, you can tell me now, or we can do this the hard way." He offers his own smirk. "And I bring in the Jedi."</p><p>Ravana's eyes widen. He takes a deep breath and coughs. Apparently Tià was right about Rey. "It's Stormtrooper training. At a whole new level, a better kind of training."</p><p>"You're telling me Poe Dameron is a Stormtrooper now?" Finn asks incredulously, even as his stomach clenches in terror. It's what he's feared all along, that Poe had been made subject to their new program. Reconditioned. "Because I don't believe that for a second. He would never turn."</p><p>"The programming is undeniable and unbreakable," Ravana replies. "He is more than he ever could have been, now. Stronger. Better."</p><p>"I broke my programming," Finn snaps.</p><p>"It was flawed," the man answers. "<em>You</em> were flawed. We fixed our mistakes. There is no way to deny the imprint."</p><p>Finn nods like he understands, though he doesn't. Reconditioning for him was psychological manipulation, what amounted to brain washing and abuse. And it always started early to ensure unquestioning compliance. He has no idea what an imprint might be. "Imprints, huh? That's how you're doing it now? You don't steal children anymore, just kill them?" The man's face twitches slightly, leading Finn to wonder if maybe Ravana isn't completely supportive of the First Order's new way of doing things. "How does this imprint work? Tech, drugs, what?"</p><p>"All of it," the man replies, and he sounds <em>proud.</em> He is clearly close to the program, knows more than a typical officer would unless they were involved in some way. Maybe Ravana doesn't give a damn about the kids after all and hates the waste. Finn lets the disgust show on his face as the man keep talking. "Neuro technology, chemicals, psychological conditioning—it's practically perfect. We can create <em>people. </em>We make them exactly the way we want them to be."</p><p>"Why not let them be who they were meant to be?" Finn asks, and the man shakes his head impatiently.</p><p>"Because most people don't realize what they want. Order. Security. Control. We give it to them."</p><p>"By rewriting who they are? By turning them into someone they're not?" The man does not say anything, but stares past Finn to the wall. "Well then, tell me about Poe Dameron. Who did you turn him into? Because last time I talked to him, he was pretty damn strong and stubborn. Don't think you could ever talk him into joining the First Order."</p><p>Ravana shakes his head at that last. "It doesn't matter how strong or stubborn someone is. The rewrite process is stronger. They become who we want them to be, based on their new imprint."</p><p>"I still don't believe you. Poe Dameron is not a Stormtrooper."</p><p>The look on Ravana's face chills Finn to the bone, and he knows that somehow, it is worse. "We actually created the imprint for you," Ravana tells him. "Hoping to bring you back into the fold. When we captured him, we decided we couldn't do any better than to turn the leader of the failed Resistance. We revised it, and it worked. The First Order will rise again, with one of your own guiding the way."</p><p>"Seriously?" asks Finn. "You're still on that?" He stands up, turn a circle, and exchanges a look with Tià. She looks as terrified as Finn feels. One of their own guiding the way? Is he still talking about Finn, or about Poe?</p><p>"Tell me exactly what you did to him and how to undo it," Finn says, abruptly turning back and looming over the man. "No more riddles. Talk now."</p><p>"Or what?" the man asks. His eyes slip closed with a peaceful smile. "It doesn't matter. It's too late to save him."</p><p>"It's never too late," Finn hisses. "I broke my programming, and he's a better man than I ever was so he'll break his! Tell me how it works. Tell me where he is."</p><p>"I won't betray the First Order. You can kill me instead."</p><p>"You already have betrayed them!" Finn tells the man. "And I'm not killing you, I need the information." Finn storms around the table and grabs the man's hair, yanks his head back to stare into his eyes. He can feel Tià watching him, but she clearly worked him over already; she won't stop him.</p><p>"Where is Poe Dameron?"</p><p>"Gone."</p><p>"What did you do to him?"</p><p>"Fixed him."</p><p>"Where is he?" The words come from deep within him this time, and there is power behind them. Finn feels a connection to Ravana and somehow knows what to do. He drops the man's head, moves back around the table, and leans in, concentrates on the man's eyes.</p><p>"Tell me what you did to Poe Dameron," he whispers, and the man's eyes go wide as the connection flows between them. He starts to struggle against his bonds. "Tell me where he is." Finn repeats himself, putting more and more power into the words each time. If the man won't talk willingly, then Finn will compel him to talk by whatever means necessary. He has to find Poe, before it's too late.</p><p>Unfortunately, Ravana is stronger than he looks, and though he struggles and shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut tight, he doesn't speak. He bites his lip, drawing blood, and moans.</p><p>"Finn," Tià warns him quietly from where she is standing behind him. Finn ignores her.</p><p>"Where is Poe Dameron?" he asks, slowly and deliberately, but instead of forcing the man before him to talk, he concentrates on finding on the answer himself, closing his eyes as if he can see it before him. As he continues to ask and continues to search, slowly he finds it—the answer he needs. What they did to Poe. And it is more horrible than he could have possibly imagined.</p><p>Finn's eyes fly open in rage. "Where is he?" he shouts. He flings his hand up and away from Ravana, pulling the answer from deep within him. The man screams, a bloodcurdling shriek that shakes the room and sends shock waves through Finn's senses. Ravana collapses onto the table, unconscious, his breaths shallow. And Finn knows…he did that.</p><p>He ripped the information right from the man's mind, invading it without second thought and taking what he needed. Finn lets his hand fall, stares as if it is on fire, then slowly backs away. He looks at Tià, who is watching him with wide eyes and a fear he's never seen from her before. Finn's own shame comes rushing up, and he turns to vomit into the corner, his stomach heaving with the guilt of what he has done.</p><p>And yet...he saw what happened to Poe. He knows where to find him. For that alone, it is worth it.</p><p>Rey bursts into the room then and sees Finn on his knees, Ravana unconscious on the table. Tià walks over to Finn, places a hand on his shoulder. "You did what you had to," she murmurs. "You found him." She turns to leave, and Finn wonders how long it will be before everyone knows what he did. Before they look at him with fear and disgust.</p><p>"Finn?" asks Rey. "What happened? I felt—"</p><p>He stops her by holding up his hand, pushing it all back and burying it deep: the fear, the anger, the shame. He stands up, forcing his chaotic emotions under control. He can do this. For Poe.</p><p>Rey watches him warily. "I felt this," she whispers. "You, with so much fear and anger—Finn, let it go! You can't allow it to control you!"</p><p>"It won't," he says. "But it got me what I needed. I know what they did to Poe, and I know how to find him."</p><p>"Finn, that doesn't make it okay!" she exclaims. "I know it feels easy, feels right, but the Dark Side is not—"</p><p>"Don't talk to me about the Dark Side!" he snaps. "That's not what this is about. It's about Poe. And I would do anything to find him."</p><p>"Finn, I think you just did."</p><p>He glares at her, and she returns his stare, refusing to back down. He can sense her sadness, and he feels bad for causing her pain. He glances down at his hand again, clenches his fist. He felt it, the power at his fingertips when he pulled what he needed from Ravana's mind. Finn closes his eyes as he stands on the precipice, the one she warned him about. The one he ignored, that calls him to step forward now. With such power, he could do anything.</p><p>"Finn," Rey says softly, and she is standing close, holding out her hand. "I know care about him, and I know you're scared, but you can't sacrifice yourself, not like this. He wouldn't want you to abandon who you are to save him."</p><p>And that's what breaks him, the realization that Rey is right: he would give his life to save Poe, but Poe would be devastated if Finn sacrificed his soul. He closes his eyes and steps away from the precipice. Takes a deep breath to resist the pull. Having the power to save Poe means nothing if he loses Poe anyway. And he can save Poe without embracing the dark: he fights for what he loves, and that means standing in the light.</p><p>It's as if Rey can sense the moment he turns away from the edge, and she pulls him into a fierce embrace. Finn feels her relief, her love, her pride. He holds her tight and blinks back tears. Takes a deep breath and shuts that door for good, focusing on the light and on Poe.</p><p>"I'm all right," he finally whispers. "I understand now. I'm okay."</p><p>She steps back, places her hand along his cheek. "I know," she says. Finn nods, grateful for her understanding and support. Because he is going to need it in order to save Poe.</p><p>"All right, let's go. We need to tell the others."</p><p>"Tell them what?"</p><p>Finn meets her eyes, lets her see his despair. "They have him, Rey. They took him and they changed him. He's part of the First Order now, and we have to get him back."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, hopefully that's not a big shock! I'm sorry? Originally Finn was much more reckless in both the previous chapter and this one. He rejected Rey's concern and was not very nice to her. But that's not Finn. He might take that step, but he would step back. So many thanks to mssrj_335 for listening to me angst about it, and for their smart, thoughtful opinions on it all.</p><p>Really, I sometimes think too much  – so if anyone has questions, please feel free to ask! I would love to talk about this stuff. I'm Gmariam19 on Tumblr and I love private messages. And I appreciate any thoughts you might leave here. Reviews mean so much to authors—it feel less like shouting into the dark wondering if anyone is listening, and more like sharing our stories (our souls?) in the light.</p><p>This is the end of Part Two, and I will begin posting the final part right after the new year. This is because I have a new short story to post next week – my first chaptered modern-AU! Look for it soon – and thank you for reading all my stories! Best wishes for a wonderful holiday and a happy new year!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Ten</span>
  </span>
</p><p>The planet gleams blue and green, a beautiful orb spinning slowly in space below them. Shandura, it's called. It reminds him of something, of another world long forgotten. Of tall trees and flowing rivers and glistening lakes, a place full of light and laughter. He frowns as he gazes through the viewport, hands clasped firmly behind his back.</p><p>The severe injury he suffered at the Battle of Exegol took most of his memory, and it is times like this when he curses the loss most. What is this place that he keeps seeing in every planet they visit? Why can't he remember someplace so beautiful, so peaceful? Why are his only memories of darkness and pain? He's given his life to the First Order, ready to die at any moment to further their goals. Yet now it's as if he's been consigned to a living death, remembering nothing of his life until his recovery six months ago. It feels wrong. His fingers curl tightly into fists, and he shakes them to dispel the flash of anger. It is his fate to serve as willed.</p><p>Turning away from the viewport, he watches the activity of the bridge instead. Quiet and efficient, each and every officer knows their place and their role. The might of the First Order lives on in the remains of the once great fleet that fell at Exegol. And it grows as more recruits are brought up from the planet below, soon to join the legions of Stormtroopers dedicated to bringing back order and justice to the galaxy.</p><p>He was like them once, taken from his friends and family and conscripted to serve. Yet he has no memory of his home, or his upbringing, or of anything before Exegol. He knows he was a pilot, and one of the best. Although they told him some of his past when he woke up in the medical suite, the moment he returned to duty and stepped up to the controls of a cruiser, he knew it was what he was meant to do, to fly. He wonders why he gave it up to stand on a dark, closed bridge, giving orders and letting others pilot instead of soaring through the beauty of open space on his own.</p><p>Shaking his head with a sigh, he unclasps his balled fists again and shakes out his fingers. He is too tense, can feel it from his arms all the way to the pressure building in his temples. It happens frequently, these glimpses of memory and moments of frustration that build to headaches, sometimes even nausea. They told him it was a normal side effect of his injury and memory loss, but he knows it is more. It is fear and resentment and growing anger. He checks in every week, yet it's not getting better. He can still perform his duties, but there are days when he hates it more than anything, when he yearns for the life he once had—for flying and freedom. This is becoming one of those days, as the longing for another time and place grows within him.</p><p>A junior officer appears to attend his needs. "Do you require anything, General?" the young—too young—woman asks. He shakes his head, smiling at her though he knows most others would not. It seems smiling is rare on a Star Destroyer, and he wonders if it was always like that, or if it is something else that changed since Exegol. He does it because it feels natural, and because he knows it always takes others by surprise. He likes doing the unexpected, bucking the tradition of order and conformity; he wonders if he always did, or if Exegol changed that, too.</p><p>"I'm fine, Lieutenant. At ease."</p><p>"Yes, sir," she murmurs, but she doesn't relax. He has an idea.</p><p>"Actually, I'm a bit cold. A cup of caf would be excellent."</p><p>She looks confused. "A cup of…caf, sir? Here on the bridge?"</p><p>"Yes, Lieutenant. A cup of caf right here on the bridge. It will take at least another hour to bring up the new recruits, correct?" When she nods, he smiles again. "Then a cup of caf to get me through, please. Thank you."</p><p>The expression of gratitude seems to surprise her even more than the request for a warm drink on the bridge of a Star Destroyer.</p><p>"Yes, sir," she murmurs, and hurries away.</p><p>He wanders the bridge, idly watching efficiency at work yet wondering…are they happy? Any of them? It is almost too quiet, too sterile. A sea of black and grey, no one talks, no one jokes, no one smiles. Something deep down in him wants to see more color, more chatter, more chaos. More blues and greens, pops of red and orange. He sighs, rubbing his temples this time as the tension in his head becomes a dull throb. Yet again there is someone at his elbow inquiring after him, only this time it is more than a confused aide.</p><p>"Is everything all right, General Dameron?" asks a slight blond woman behind him. Her short hair is slicked back severely, her grey eyes cold as ice. She holds herself so straight it's as if there is a metal rod in her uniform. Her clipped accent—precise and impersonal—grates on him, as it has since the day he returned to duty.</p><p>"Good morning, General Engell," he replies, turning slowly and debating how best to antagonize her. He knows it's not proper, does not go toward keeping order within the ranks, yet he can't help it. There is something about her that makes him shudder with fear and lash out with veiled resentment. He wonders if they got along before the Battle of Exegol, or if the loss of so many ships turned her into a much more unpleasant person.</p><p>No, he's almost certain she was unpleasant from birth.</p><p>"Are you well today?" she asks. As always, he feels like she is watching him closely, too closely. Everyone on the ship, from the senior officers to the medical personnel, are always watching him carefully, as if expecting him to—what? Collapse at any moment? There seems to be less trust in both his ability and his authority since Exegol, though he does not know if the latter is a new development due to his injury, or if he was not trusted before. It wouldn't surprise him to learn that was the case; sometimes he feels like he doesn't fit in and wonders how he came to be a General at all. He should be in a fighter, not on the bridge standing around.</p><p>"Bit cold this morning," he tells her with the deliberate cheerfulness he knows will irk her. She has lectured him many times over the last several months about maintaining the decorum of his rank. Don't smile, don't thank the junior officer, don't show any emotion. There have been times he's argued with her, but it often gives him a splitting headache, so he tries to pick his battles. His head already hurts, so perhaps he'll run with it today. Nothing to lose if he's already suffering.</p><p>Engell simply raises an eyebrow, which is when the young officer he sent off for caf returns, looking terrified to see General Engell standing next to him. He smiles, thanks her again, takes a sip of his caf. It's terrible, but at least it's warm. The taste of deep, rich caf floats just out of reach of his memory, and he frowns, trying to remember where he had such a good drink. Who made it, who he shared it with on early mornings watching the sun rise. A vague image of an older woman, beautiful and regal, floats across his vision.</p><p>"Something wrong, General?" asks Engell, and he looks up, smiles at her again.</p><p>"Of course not, General," he says, frowning when the exchange feels wrong. This time the image of someone else leading at his side flashes before him, someone he's seen before but can't name. Someone strong and brave, who makes him smile more than Engell ever could.</p><p>"Is your injury troubling you?" She is studying him once more, but he lies easily. He's become an expert at lying, at hiding his inner thoughts. He knows too well the consequences of non-conformity in the First Order.</p><p>"Not at all," he replies. "I'm cold because I'm bored. This is taking longer than usual."</p><p>Her lips press together in a hard line, displeased. "It will take as long as it needs, General. We must ensure that each new recruit is fit to serve. If there are perhaps a few more than usual, then that is a good thing."</p><p>He nods, studying her in return. He does not understand her zealous commitment to the Rewrite program, other than its ability to bring new troopers into their ranks quickly and efficiently. He's not sure he agrees with their methods, either—wipe out a village of all but the prime assets, then imprint them with an entirely new personality matrix, suppressing all memories of their previous life. It's seems careless and cruel—he can sympathize with the memory loss, wonders if they ever had flashes of their pasts, a longing for what they lost. And it's not perfect: a macabre mix of technology, drugs, and psychological manipulation, most recruits require monthly reconditioning, and some weekly. The latter usually flame out, and he has watched Engell dispassionately execute the ones who protest too vehemently. As if she is purging the record of her failures, when in reality, it's murder. The remaining troopers continue their living death, just like him.</p><p>A rush of anger grips him, his fingers tightening around the mug of caf. His thoughts are exceptionally grim today; he'd be sent to reconditioning for sure if he were a trooper. He glances back toward Shandura, wondering why he's having such doubts. Perhaps it is because this was his first time overseeing the transfer operation. Now that it is over, he considers whether to voice his questions or keep quiet. He does not want to be reconditioned or executed, that much is certain. He has something to live for, but what? More of the same, of standing around the bridge of a Star Destroyer, sneaking around the Unknown Regions, blasting villages apart to build their trooper program? What is the point? And what good will it do without more capital ships?</p><p>He's about to ask that last as a way to vent his frustration—has asked before and been told they are working on gathering more ships to their cause—when they are interrupted by an officer not much older than him, but with more age lines and hair gone grey. More of the cruelty of the First Order at work. Commander Jasha, he thinks. A career officer whose family served the Empire.</p><p>"Excuse me, Generals," he says, bowing to them both. "There seems to be an issue on one of the transports. They claim they've caught a spy from the Resistance." The man glances at Engell with clear trepidation in his eyes. "And he's demanding to speak to General Dameron."</p><p>She sucks in a breath, which is immediately suspicious. Why are they so worried about a prisoner who wants to see him? He is one of the highest-ranking leaders of the First Order, after all. He can handle it, has dealt with such things before. He answers before Engell can speak.</p><p>"Have the prisoner taken to interrogation room five," he says, then turns to Engell. "I'll see to it. I'd like to know what he wants to talk about with me." Her eyes widen slightly, enough for him to notice. She doesn't want him to go. He leans closer and decides this is a battle he'll fight, if only for a distraction from his thoughts. "Unless there is some reason I shouldn't, General?"</p><p>She narrows her eyes at him. "Of course not. I'd like to accompany you. I too would like to see this Resistance spy and hear what he has to say."</p><p>"I'll report back immediately," he tells her with the grin he knows will bother her. "I would appreciate it if you took the bridge while I was gone."</p><p>"General, I must insist—"</p><p>"And I insist," he says, handing her his cup of caf. "I'll take care of this spy. I know the protocol." Before she can argue anymore and look like a fool in front of the entire bridge, he turns towards the other officer. "Commander, after you."</p><p>Jasha looks to Engell for confirmation, which is galling. Why the apprehension? He follows the look, raises an eyebrow, and she gives a curt nod. "Thank you, General. Good luck."</p><p>He holds back a wink, but tips his head. Every small victory counts.</p><p>Following the commander from the bridge, he wonders what it is about this Resistance spy that has both Jasha and Engell clearly on edge. Had he perhaps had a run in with the spy before losing his memory? He rubs a hand over his face, trying to recall something, anything—it's all still blank, and forcing it makes his head hurt even more. He takes several deep breaths to push back the ache.</p><p>He arrives at interrogation five as two Stormtroopers step outside the door with the captain in charge, weapons raised. Two more remain inside, and all of them are tense.</p><p>"What's the situation, Captain?" he asks the young woman, who looks up, wide-eyed. She slams her feet together and salutes, and while he appreciates her attentiveness to etiquette, it's all he can do to not roll his eyes. "Report, officer."</p><p>"Yes, sir," she replies. "The prisoner was captured trying to infiltrate a transport on the surface. He attacked a trooper and was discovered confiscating the man's armor."</p><p>He nods slowly, trying to picture it, has a dozen questions already as to how such a thing could happen. "The trooper?" he asks.</p><p>"Injured," the captain replies. Which means that the trooper will almost certainly be executed for his failure. What a travesty.</p><p>"And how do we know this man is a spy for the Resistance? How do we know he's not working on his own, or for someone else? Or perhaps trying to save one of the new recruits?"</p><p>The woman's mouth opens and closes several times. "He is a known member of the Resistance, sir."</p><p>"Name?" he asks her when she doesn't say anything else, and her eyes slip to Commander Jasha. Why are so many people reluctant to tell him the truth? What is really going on?</p><p>The commander nods, and she stands up even straighter, as if bracing herself for the reaction. "It's General Finn, sir," she says, staring past his head. "The former stormtrooper."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! I would love to know your thoughts, especially on First Order Poe! The next chapter will be posted on Friday.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Eleven</span>
</p>
<p>"It's General Finn, sir," she says, staring past his head. "The former trooper."</p>
<p>Something about the name is familiar, in a way that's more than simple recognition. He feels like maybe he knows this man, but has forgotten. He can picture a face, a smile, but how? Unless he knew the man as a Stormtrooper, before he defected to the Resistance?</p>
<p>"Thank you," he tells the captain. "I can take it from here." She looks at Commander Jasha again, who minutely nods his head, and then she leaves.</p>
<p>"I don't know what's going on here, Commander," he says, lowering his voice, "but I am fully capable of handling it." He speaks slowly, emphasizing each word and punctuating it with a pointed look. "On my own."</p>
<p>Commander Jasha swallows and nods. "I'm happy to help in any way, sir—" he starts, but is cut off.</p>
<p>"Then remain outside in case I require further assistance." He does not wait for an answer, but strides into the interrogation room, determined to get to the bottom of it all—the spy, and the enigmatic reactions rippling around him.</p>
<p>There is a man strapped to the interrogation table, dressed in the black fatigues of a trooper. He is dark-skinned, with a swollen eye and ragged cut above his brow. He's been shot in the thigh, and it is bleeding freely down his leg.</p>
<p>"Has this man received medical treatment?" His voice is sharp, and the two troopers in the room straighten immediately. The man who is held prisoner before them laughs bitterly.</p>
<p>"Of course not, that's not what they—" He lifts his head. "Poe?" The look on his face is confusing and heartbreaking all at once: relief, fear, a flash of anger, and then something else, something unexpected. Something that is not seen in the First Order, ever.</p>
<p>"General Dameron," Poe corrects him, though his heart is already pounding, because this man <em>knows</em> him. Personally. No one calls him by his first name, ever. He can't remember the last time he heard it, and it fills his heart with the same longing he'd felt earlier on the bridge. It takes a concentrated effort to brush it aside. "And you are General Finn of the former Resistance?"</p>
<p>"Former?" the man repeats, looking confused. "We are totally still resisting! And yes, I'm General Finn—Poe, it's me. You know me. Finn."</p>
<p>There is a stabbing pain in his head at the name, and Poe stretches his neck, tries to release the pounding tension that's growing worse. How does this man know him? "Have we met?" he asks. He suspects they have, though he doesn't know why he thinks that when he doesn't remember anything about this man.</p>
<p>"Of course we have! Poe—what happened? What did they do to you?" He studies Poe closely, his gaze piercing Poe's soul, before he lets his head fall back, eyes slipping closed. "I had hoped it wasn't true," he whispers.</p>
<p>Poe crosses his arms over his chest, narrows his eyes at the prisoner. Something about this man makes him feel like there is something there, something to believe. How can he feel such faith in an enemy he's just met? But there is something so familiar about the man, he wonders if the former trooper might know about his past. Poe will take any scrap he can to recover his memories, even from a defector and rebel.</p>
<p>"Leave us," he tells the two troopers in the room.</p>
<p>"Sir," one of them begins, and Poe whirls on them, anger bursting forth.</p>
<p>"I said, go!" he shouts. "I will question the prisoner on my own. Remain outside the door in case we need assistance." He pauses as their body language screams defiance, lowers his voice to a threatening growl. "That's an order, troopers. You don't need to see this."</p>
<p>They leave the room, and Poe moves closer to the man on the table, his nerves practically on fire. A general of the Resistance, whom he's apparently met. The man is strong and attractive, and appears both relieved yet upset to see Poe. He swallows past the pain in his head, moves closer and resists the urge to reach out to the man before him.</p>
<p>"They're gone," he tells the man. "And I'm not going to hurt you. You can speak freely now."</p>
<p>"Let me out of these," Finn demands. "And I'll tell you whatever you want to know."</p>
<p>Poe cocks his head, thinks about it. It is tempting, because somehow, he trusts this man. He doesn't know or remember him, and the man is at the top of their wanted list, yet Poe still trusts him. It's a feeling deep within him he can't deny, but his First Order training stops him from releasing the prisoner, and he shakes his head as he pulls his hand back. "I'm sorry, but I can't do that."</p>
<p>"Fine," Finn mutters. "I'll do it myself." He leans back and appears to relax, until his face scrunches up with the effort of whatever he's doing, and Poe hears the click of the wrist clamps releasing. The man lifts his arms and wiggles his hands, no doubt bringing feeling back to his fingers. Then he reaches down and releases the binding on his ankles with a wave. His leg collapses beneath him as he steps forward, and Poe instinctively reaches out to steady him, the other man's touch sending vivid sparks of recognition through him—feelings and images he doesn't understand. Attraction and affection, a profound longing for more…which is when Poe remembers his place in the First Order, and who this man is in the Resistance. He steps back, hiding his shaking hands behind his back.</p>
<p>"You're Force-trained," he says. "I don't think we were aware of that."</p>
<p>"We're full of surprises," Finn mutters, blowing out a long, hard breath. "Damn, that hurts."</p>
<p>"What happened?" Poe asks, and the other man looks at him incredulously.</p>
<p>"I got shot!"</p>
<p>"I can see that," Poe replies as dryly as he can. "I was told you were attempting to sneak onto one of the transports on Shandura. I assume you weren't planning on defecting back to the First Order."</p>
<p>The man snorts. "I wouldn't have thought the First Order would let you keep your sense of humor."</p>
<p>"Keep it?" Poe asks. So this man did know him, before. He blinks back the pain behind his eyes as he tries to remember, then waves his hand, dismissing the topic. He's not ready to get into that yet, he needs to do his duty first, no matter how much he wants to know. "Why were you trying to board a Star Destroyer?"</p>
<p>Finn sighs, shoulders sagging before he gazes up, and the grief-stricken look in his eyes makes Poe take another step back.</p>
<p>"I was looking for you," he says quietly.</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>Finn steps closer, limping on his injured leg. He stops in front of Poe, who cannot move away, doesn't want to. There is something almost magnetic about this man, this Resistance general who is so familiar. Poe shakes his head, trying to clear the pain in his head as he struggles to remember. Finn frowns, reaches toward his face. "It's just like my vision. Your hair is short, your beard is gone. You look so different."</p>
<p>Poe can barely breathe. "Who <em>are</em> you?" he whispers. His head is pounding so hard now he's starting to feel sick with it. What's happening to him?</p>
<p>Finn closes the distance between them and presses his lips to Poe's, soft and warm, short and chaste. "Someone who loves you," he murmurs. Poe's eyes flash wide as he sucks in a shaky breath and staggers backward. It is completely inappropriate, a prisoner laying hands—and lips—on the commanding officer of a Star Destroyer, only it's also so familiar, so comfortable, so perfect…Poe closes his eyes, tries to remember…a rescue, a friendship, a kiss…</p>
<p>"Finn?" he asks, and <em>yes,</em> it's Finn. Finn, who has finally, <em>finally </em>come for him, just like he said he would. Poe reaches out with a trembling hand, touches Finn's face, his jaw, his neck. It feels wonderful to touch another human being after so long. "Is it really you?"</p>
<p>"It's me," Finn laughs, and there are tears in his eyes as he pulls Poe close, resting their heads together. "But is it you? You coming back to me yet?"</p>
<p>Poe squeezes his eyes shut against the onslaught of images flooding his memory…of Finn, and a beautiful young Jedi, and an older man who looks like him, and Leia, oh god Leia…he whimpers as the pain grows, as more memories return…Snap and Karé and Jess and Rose and BB-8. Poe's eyes snap open. How could he forget BB-8, his loyal droid? He shakes his head again, overwhelmed.</p>
<p>"I think so, but I…I don't know…what's real, what's not…" He glances around the interrogation room, remembers being in one like it as a prisoner. Remembers the torture, the pain, the cold invasion of his mind. Remembers breaking, until Finn…this beautiful, amazing man before him…rescued him. Like he is once more.</p>
<p>Finn draws him into a fierce embrace. "I am real. <em>This</em> is real. But you are not in the First Order, you don't fly Star Destroyers. You're the best starfighter pilot we have, a general for the Resistance. My best friend."</p>
<p>Poe laughs nervously, wiping tears from his face—tears of pain, of confusion, but also of joy. "You always kiss your best friends like that?"</p>
<p>Finn smirks. Poe remembers that smirk, those lips. And he remembers their other kiss, right before he left. "Only you," Finn says. "It's why I'm here. I'm here to rescue you."</p>
<p>Poe stumbles a little, raises his hand to his head as a wave of dizziness hits him. "I hope I'm up to being rescued."</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" Finn asks.</p>
<p>"It's all coming back." Poe pauses, tries to piece it all together. "I think…they must have put me through the project, project Rewrite." He pulls up the sleeve of his First Order uniform, sees a scar on his forearm from the needles and tubes of the procedure. They'd told him it was from his injuries on Exegol, but now it all makes sense… the lies about Exegol, the memory loss, the feeling of not fitting in because he doesn't. He wonders why he never questioned it before; it is testament to the strength of the Rewrite program, just as his recovery is proof of its failure. "They made me into someone else, a part of the First Order…Finn, how long has it been?" He's terrified of the answer, but he needs to know.</p>
<p>"Almost six months," Finn says. "But that's okay. You're back now, the real you, and we're gonna get out of here."</p>
<p>"You need a pilot, huh?" Poe can't help but joke, and it makes them laugh. Only it also makes Poe's head hurt, and he staggers again, this time with a groan as more memories return, overriding everything he thought he knew, everything he's been told. "Not sure how far we'll get. My head hurts like hell."</p>
<p>"It's probably because you're breaking the programming," Finn says. Always so smart. Gods, how could Poe have ever forgotten about him?</p>
<p>"Must be," Poe says. "I've had a lot of them ever since I was injured at Exegol and lost my memory…" He trails off at the look on Finn's face. "Shit, that's what they told me, that's what I remember…but I also remember you, the fleet, the Resistance…" Two sets of memories war within him, of who he is and who they made him. He closes his eyes, takes several deep breaths. Sets aside the pain and confusion with all the strength he has in him to concentrate. He can't deal with garbled memories and headaches now, he has to get Finn out of there. Get both of them off that ship. And then they must stop the First Order, because he knows first-hand the horror of their new program and how fast it can grow.</p>
<p>"All right," he says. "We need to…kriff, what the hell are we going to do?" He paces away from Finn, tries to come up with a plan. When he turns back, Finn is leaning over, grimacing in pain. The wound on his thigh must hurt like hell. Poe glances around the room, but there's nothing to help him—the First Order doesn't keep medpacs in interrogation rooms.</p>
<p>Like him, Finn takes a deep breath and sets it aside. "How many blasters do you have?" he asks. "Because if we can take out the guards at the door, we could probably make it to the hangar bay."</p>
<p>"I'm a general in the First Order, remember? We don't need to blast our way out of here. I can take you anywhere." Which is when he realizes what they need to do. It feels both right and wrong: his First Order training vaguely protests the betrayal, but as a member of the Resistance, he will do whatever it takes to destroy Project Rewrite and save thousands of others from going through what he did.</p>
<p>"Okay," Finn replies. "Then how about the hangar bay?"</p>
<p>Poe gives him a feral look. "We're going to the emergency bridge first."</p>
<p>"Why not the hangar bay?" Finn asks in alarm. "We need to get the hell off this ship!"</p>
<p>"We also need to stop the First Order, here and now," Poe tells him. "This is where Project Rewrite is based. So before we get off the ship, we're going to set the self-destruct and blow it all to hell."</p>
<p>Finn steps back, away from him. "Is that you talking, or the First Order General who walked in here?" He looks both sad and upset. "Poe! There are tens of thousands of people on this ship! Including all those people from the planet below—innocent people. You can't kill them all by blowing up the ship!"</p>
<p>"I won't. I know all the procedures and protocols. All the codes." Poe grimaces, a wave of shame and guilt crashing over him, that he knows these things. Yes, he can use them to his advantage now, but he knows them because he was a part of the First Order for months. "I'll activate the emergency signal to abandon ship, then set the self-destruct from the emergency bridge."</p>
<p>Finn raises an eyebrow. "How? Star Destroyers require the top three officers to authorize self-destruct." He pauses. "And what are the chances they've given you the right code anyway? You're still a Resistance General, you know."</p>
<p>Poe swears, because Finn's right. Even if they coerced two other senior officers into authorizing the self-destruct, they wouldn't have trusted Poe with something like that, not when Engell barely wanted to let him question a Resistance prisoner. He may have worn the uniform of a general, but he was nothing but a puppet, a prize. The thought sickens him—and makes him even more determined to destroy them. "Change of plans. I'll hit the abandon ship button. Then we get you to the hangar bay—take a ship and call the New Republic. And then I'll figure out a way to blow it up. Or at least disable it until help arrives."</p>
<p>"How the hell are you going to do that? All by yourself?" Poe remembers earning that skeptical look from Finn before, remembers the teasing replies. Anger fuels his response now: he will end this, no matter what it takes.</p>
<p>"Hey, I got you off a Star Destroyer once before," he tells Finn, snapping more than he should. "I can do it again."</p>
<p>"We got off that ship <em>together,</em> Poe," Finn tells him, his gentle voice working to calm Poe's agitation. "I'm not leaving you here alone. I'm coming with you."</p>
<p>"I'll be fine, Finn," Poe tells him, though he has his doubts. This is far worse than last time they tried to escape a Star Destroyer, and he can't let Finn take the risk with him, that it doesn't work. That they might be captured, and both of them reconditioned. This is where Project Rewrite is based, and Poe will destroy it on his own. "This is my fault, I have to stop it."</p>
<p>"What?" Finn gapes at him. "This is not your fault, Poe! You don't have to do anything, but if you do, I'm coming with you. Rey and Tià are on the planet, when it starts raining escape pods, they'll figure it out. Besides, do you have any idea how to blow up a Star Destroyer?"</p>
<p>"Hit the reactor core," Poe murmurs, trying to think of how to get there without interference and what he can do from the inside of the ship. What he needs is an X-wing.</p>
<p>Finn swears. "Then I'm definitely going with you, so I can drag your sorry ass out of there. Let's go."</p>
<p>Poe hesitates. A part of him wants to protect Finn, but he also knows their chances are much better working together, because he remembers—they are <em>good</em> together<em>.</em> "Are you sure?" he asks, and Finn nods. "Then I guess we're doing this. Try to look…I don't know…roughed up."</p>
<p>"You want me to pretend like you tortured me?"</p>
<p>Poe flinches, remembers the interrogations he's attended, watching from the corner, as well as the ones he's suffered, strapped to the table. "No, because there's been no screaming. Just…act tired. Hurt."</p>
<p>Finn rolls his eyes. "I <em>am</em> tired and hurt, Poe. I've been looking for you for six months."</p>
<p>And suddenly it hits Poe: it's been six months, and yet Finn never gave up. Poe's been trapped in his mind, a virtual prisoner on a Star Destroyer, and Finn has been fighting for him the entire time. He leans forward and kisses the man before him, wishes it could last forever. But they have to get out of there and destroy the First Order. He steps back, his fingers lingering on Finn's jaw. "I love you, too," he murmurs.</p>
<p>Which is when four Stormtroopers walk in, blasters raised, with Commander Jasha behind them looking furiously scandalized.</p>
<p>Time to improvise.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ugh. That was hard. Next chapter is too, and should be up next weekend. To those of you reading and following - thank you so much! It means a lot to know you are sticking with it, and I appreciate the comments. They encourage me to keep going when it gets tough! Thanks again!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Twelve</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Poe does the first thing he can think of: he pushes Finn away, hard. Finn stumbles and falls, folding in on himself and grasping at his leg as if he's twisted it. There is a flash of pain in the other man's eyes before Finn looks up and smirks. Poe pretends to be shocked and outraged, points at him, sputters incoherently. Which is distraction enough for him to pull out his blaster and shoot two troopers before he feels a burning pain in his left arm and falls to his knees.</p>
<p>And then Finn is there, a gleaming white lightsaber held before him. He deflects one, two, three bolts before the troopers stop firing. Poe flips his weapon to stun and takes out the rest of the room from the floor behind Finn. Just like that, it's over. And not in a good way.</p>
<p>Finn turns to Poe and offers him a hand up. "I'm sorry," Poe exclaims as he stands, practically babbling. "I'm so sorry, it seemed like the best thing to do when they walked in, but I would never—"</p>
<p>Finn stops him. "It's okay. I knew what you were doing. And it worked."</p>
<p>"It worked. Are you okay?" When Finn nods, Poe blows out a nervous breath. "You have a lightsaber."</p>
<p>"I have a lightsaber." Finn laughs, sagging slightly against Poe. "Rey found it, but I wasn't going to use it. I had another vision. But then I started training with it, and it helped me focus, so now I have a lightsaber." He runs a hand over his face. "And that's the first time I've actually used it."</p>
<p>"It was amazing," Poe murmurs. "You're a—"</p>
<p>"Interrogation room six, is everything under control?" It is General Engell, calling them direct. Poe doesn't think twice, strides over to the commlink station and punches the button. "Yes, General. The situation is under control. However…" He glances back over at Finn with a sudden thought and lowers his voice. "There are more spies from the Resistance attempting to sabotage the ship. I'd like to send a squad to search each transport returning from the planet."</p>
<p>There is a pause on the other end, as if Engell is trying to gage the truth of his words. "Of course, General. I'll have a squad report to the hangar bay immediately."</p>
<p>"Thank you. I will return to the bridge shortly."</p>
<p>He turns to Finn, who is giving him a strange look. "Search the transports?" Finn asks. "We're gonna need a ship to get off this thing if you set it to blow, you know. Only you just sent a squad of troopers to the hangar bay!"</p>
<p>"She didn't fall for it," Poe tells him. "Which is good, because I didn't think of that. She's definitely sending that squad here to check on us, so we need to move fast."</p>
<p>"How could you tell?"</p>
<p>"Because I've seen her lie before. Let's go, like I'm taking you to the holding cells." He reaches out with his left hand to take Finn's elbow, winces as the pain of the blaster wound shoots through his arm and leaves him feeling warm and dizzy. Great. A head full of memories returning and a wounded arm on top of it, as well as Finn's injury for them to deal with. Poe's not sure how the hell they're going to get out of this one, but he's determined. The First Order will not win.</p>
<p>They rip off the bottom of Jasha's uniform to bind their wounds, then leave the interrogation room, locking the door behind them. As they walk through the corridors, Poe finds he feels naked, like everyone he meets can see immediately that he is no longer who he thinks he is. His skin is crawling beneath the restrictive First Order uniform, and he struggles to stop from unbuttoning the collar as he keeps an eye out for the first comm station where he can give the order to abandon ship.</p>
<p>The first two troopers they walk by don't even look at them. The next two seem to linger as they pass. When they walk by two junior officers who frown at Poe, eying both the wound on Poe's arm and Finn's lack of binders (damn, why didn't they think of that?), Poe knows the charade is almost over. He moves them faster, hoping Finn can keep up, and that they can do what they have to do before it all goes to hell.</p>
<p>Fortunately, when they step around the next corner, the area is empty, and Poe hurries to the comm station. Punching in his code—thanking the Force that it still works— he pulls out the microphone and takes a deep breath, looking at Finn while he talks. It's the right thing to do, but some echo of the First Order programming in the back of his mind still calls him a traitor.</p>
<p>"Star Destroyer <em>Ruthless</em>, this is General Dameron. I am ordering an immediate evacuation of all personnel. Resistance spies, including the Jedi, have infiltrated the ship and set explosives in key areas. Commence immediate evacuation." The sirens go off. He types in an authorization code, then blasts the panel to be safe. It's done: the alarm cannot be recalled.</p>
<p>"Let's go," he says, checking the chronometer on his wrist to gage how much time they have until the ship is cleared. "Reactor core is this way."</p>
<p>Finn pulls him in a different direction, opposite of the way they need to go.</p>
<p>"Wait, where are we going?" Poe asks. "I thought the plan was to try to take out the ship."</p>
<p>"We need to get the people off," Finn tells him. "Which means we need to make your announcement a little more believable."</p>
<p>Poe understands immediately. "The armory."</p>
<p>"Let's blow some stuff up."</p>
<p>They turn down a second corridor and almost walk into a half-dozen Stormtroopers coming their way. After staring at one another for a long moment, Poe grabs Finn by the arm again and pulls himself up straight. "What are you staring at? Find the other spies! I'm taking this one to the holding cells." He holds his head high as he starts forward. It's a long shot, but it could work.</p>
<p>Finn stares straight ahead as they pass. They've almost made it when the lead trooper cocks his head, and Poe knows the game is up. They move faster. The trooper points at them, and Poe pulls Finn forward. "Stop them!" the trooper shouts, and they open fire. Poe drops to the ground, barely avoids being shot as he rolls around the corner. Finn's lightsaber flashes as he blocks the shots. Some ricochet back; Poe stands and takes out the others.</p>
<p>"I think they're onto us!" Finn points out. Poe nods and starts walking as fast as he can. He'd run, but Finn's leg won't let him move much faster than he already is. They twist and turn as they make their way through the ship toward the reactor core. But they encounter two more sets of troopers, and Poe isn't sure they'll be able to fight all the way to the armory, let alone the reactor core. He's still not sure what he'll do if they make it. He wishes BB-8 were there with him: the little droid could wipe the computers and set the ship to blow within minutes.</p>
<p>They make it to the armory. After a quick firefight—and damn, Finn is good with his new saber— they take out the captain and four troopers. After loading up with as many thermal detonators as they can, as well as a few sonic grenades, they head back out and make their way toward the reactor core, setting the bombs as they go. Soon enough, they start to blow, and more alarms start blaring. There is another announcement to evacuate, which means Finn's plan is working.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, it also means more traffic in the corridors as thousands of people hurry to their evacuation points. Poe abandons his coat, throws his cap to the side, and messes up his hair so he is not as recognizable. He instantly feels more like himself and grins at Finn, just as a blaster bolt shoots by, burning his cheek. Finn yanks him back behind a corner with one of those looks he's so good at, but a second pair of troopers comes up from behind them and they are trapped. They are also out of detonators and grenades. There is no way they will make it to the reactor core, injured and on their own: they need to abandon ship with the others.</p>
<p>They exchange a look and take out as many troopers as they can, moving in a circle back-to-back: Finn defends with his lightsaber as Poe stuns them with his blaster. When they have an opening, Poe grabs Finn and pulls him to the left. He's got a new idea: if he can get them to the right ship, they might still be able to take out the Star Destroyer.</p>
<p>"We leaving after all?" Finn shouts as they move.</p>
<p>"We're gonna try!" They hurry as fast as they can and clear several corridors without running into any more troopers trying to stop them. "How long did a standard evac take when you were a trooper?" he asks Finn. "I've got it at an hour in my head."</p>
<p>"Depends on how many personnel they have on board," Finn tells him. "I don't think they're carrying a full crew complement." Poe shakes his head, because of course they're not, that's why the First Order is so desperate for new troopers. "Full crew would take less than hour, this ship might should make it in less than thirty minutes—but that's assuming they started when you made the announcement."</p>
<p>"Probably not until things started blowing up," Poe says. "All right, it's been about fifteen minutes since the first detonator went off. We need a few more minutes and a Special Forces fighter. You ready to steal another?"</p>
<p>"You can't blow up a Star Destroyer with a TIE fighter," Finn says. "And you're going the wrong direction."</p>
<p>Poe continues down another corridor. "Specials Forces are this way, and we can't walk in through the main door anyway. It'll be too busy and now that word's out, they'll probably recognize us. So—"</p>
<p>"—we're going in the back. Good idea. Wish we had binders, then it would be like old times."</p>
<p>"Well, I can always find us some when we get back," Poe offers, and Finn gives him such an incredulous look that they both start cracking up. Which is when several shots fly by from somewhere behind them, and though they duck and dodge and run as fast as they can with Poe throwing shots over his shoulder, their luck runs out when Finn takes a hit and goes down.</p>
<p>Poe pulls him around a corner into a dead end and takes cover, firing relentlessly and hoping he hits someone or something. Glancing at Finn, he is relieved to see the other man is uninjured; he's only been stunned. Their chances of escape have decreased dramatically, however, and Poe's not sure what to do. They are literally steps away from the hanger, and they need to get there before all the fighters are released.</p>
<p>"General!" calls a voice. It's Amret Engell. Poe looks around the corner, sees her standing not far from them with two troopers, at least two more unconscious on the ground. He pulls back, wonders If he can take out all of them and still get Finn out of there.</p>
<p>"You won't make it to the hangar bay, General." Her voice has a taunting ring to it, and it lights his anger on fire.</p>
<p>"Not with you in my way!" he shouts. He looks around the corner, takes three shots and manages to hit one of her troopers. Just two of them now.</p>
<p>"Clever, locking in the evacuation code to prevent an override," she calls. "But we both know the Jedi isn't here."</p>
<p>"You sure about that?" Poe bluffs. "Because I had it firsthand. Oh, and I know her, good friend of mine, along with the rest of the Resistance. They're going to kick your ass."</p>
<p>There is a quiet pause. "So you remember," she says. "You broke the programming. Fascinating."</p>
<p>Poe laughs somewhat hysterically as he weighs his options. He's going to have to take his chances and rush them if he wants to move forward. Because he needs to get Finn out of there, and forward is the only way to go. And now more than ever he wants to take that ship out, permanently, which means getting to a fighter. "I remember everything, Engell," he shouts, hoping to buy time as he tries to come up with a plan. "Including what you did to me. And I'm not going to you let do that to anyone else."</p>
<p>"The original imprint was meant for your friend, the traitor, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that he was the one who triggered your memory," she replies, as if Poe is nothing more than a scientific study, a flawed data point to be fixed. "We will simply adjust your profile and rewrite you again. We have a new imprint prepared for the traitor. Not even the two of you together could break it again."</p>
<p>Poe grins as he realizes the flaw in her plan: the Resistance in more than the two of them. They know where Finn is, and the Resistance will find them. And they will break through any programming the First Order puts them through, every time. "You really think we won't? You can't erase people, Engell, no matter how hard you try. And I'm going to stop you from trying ever again."</p>
<p>"Oh, I very much doubt it," she says. "Surrender, General. There is no escape."</p>
<p>Maybe not, but he's never believed that before, and he's not going to start now. He's still going to fight back: he leans over and takes Finn's lightsaber in his left hand, raises his blaster in his right. He has one chance at this, and his only hope of survival is that they will shoot to stun because they want him alive—both of them. He stands and ignites the lightsaber. Dipping it past the corner, he draws out several shots before pulling back. He can hear them swearing.</p>
<p>"Surrender!" Engell shouts. "All of you! You cannot win!"</p>
<p>"All of us?" Poe calls. "Well, I can't speak for everyone, but as for me—you can go to hell!" He leaps into the corridor; it may be even more asinine than the time he charged a Dreadnought to take out its canons. He holds the lightsaber up across his body as distraction—he wouldn't know how the hell to stop a blaster bolt even if tried, but he may as well use it as a distraction—and concentrates on taking down the Stormtrooper by her side. By some grace of the universe—perhaps it's his savage screaming as he zig-zags down the corridor—he manages to stun the trooper without being hit. Engell steps back, scrambling for her weapon, but does not run; Poe dodges her defensive shot and hits her in the arm with his own. Her blaster falls as she clutches her arm, but before she can get to her second weapon, Poe is standing right before her, the lightsaber at her throat.</p>
<p>"Don't even think about it," he snarls. "It's over."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So many thanks to mssrj_335 for looking this over for me because I'm such a nail-biter! Their suggestions were perfect and made it better - any remaining ridiculousness or stupid mistakes are all my own! The next chapter will be posted in a few days! Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Thirteen</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>"Don't even think about it," Poe snarls, Finn's lightsaber at Engell's throat. "It's over."</p>
<p>She glares at him, ice blue eyes filled with hatred and a hint of fear. Poe stares right back, lets her see his own anger and revulsion.</p>
<p>A part of him wants to hurt her, to end her for what she did to him and so many others, and make sure she can never do it again. The Rewrite program must be destroyed, and as one of the leaders behind it, Engell must be stopped as well, or she will rebuild what is lost. And yet that voice in the back of his mind, the quiet one that always questioned what the First Order did even as the rest of him followed orders, whispers to stop, to leave her. Because then he'd be no better than her—he would be First Order, killing an unarmed enemy.</p>
<p>"I'm leaving," he says. "I suggest you do the same, because this ship will be destroyed, along with the First Order." He backs up, lightsaber still held before him, blaster aimed over the hilt. Her lip curls as she holds her injured arm.</p>
<p>"You'll never destroy us," she says. "There will always be another to take our place. Because the galaxy craves order, General. Not the freedom of chaos, but the order of control."</p>
<p>Poe laughs as he takes another step, away from Engell and back toward Finn. "You mean the <em>illusion</em> of control, General. You bring order through suppression and domination. You take away any sense of individuality, of personality. There may be order in conformity, but there is no life, no beauty."</p>
<p>"And there is no conflict," she returns. "Which means no fear, no hatred—no more war!"</p>
<p>"It doesn't work like that," Poe insists.</p>
<p>"It can," she says. "And you can be a part of it again. No more conflict, no more war."</p>
<p>"You can't stop conflict by repressing it," Poe snaps. "It doesn't work like that either."</p>
<p>"With enough power, anything is possible. Imagine a galaxy with no more fighting!"</p>
<p>"I will always fight the First Order," Poe tells her, the truth of his words resonating through his body and soul. "And I will fight everything it stands for. Always."</p>
<p>"Then you will always lose," she says. She sags a little, and Poe tenses. His instincts are good, because when she straightens, she has a small blaster in her hand and fires directly at him. He intuitively raises the lightsaber, and against all odds, it catches the blaster bolt and deflects it back. Engell falls to the ground, an ugly, burning hole in her stomach. He watches her writhe in pain, then gazes at Finn's lightsaber in wonder.</p>
<p>"Bastard!" she shouts. He nods in agreement as he walks away. "You can't leave me! You are a General in the First Order! I demand you bring me to a ship!"</p>
<p>He turns with his most defiant look, Finn's lightsaber still raised in his hand. "I was never a General in the First Order. I owe you <em>nothing</em>."</p>
<p>"You are what we made you," she hisses. "You can't deny what's inside you."</p>
<p>"I am who I was born to be," he snaps back. The doubt creeps in, though, that whatever they did will remain a part of him. Yet for now, he knows who he is, and what he has to do; he will face the rest when it is over. "You can't make people. You can't take away who they are, their memories, their <em>life. </em>Just like you can't force them to follow your twisted desire and pathetic grasp for power. It didn't work for Finn, and it didn't work for me. The First Order is over, General. Just like you."</p>
<p>"You can't kill me," she says, a wet cough choking off her words. "You don't have it in you."</p>
<p>"I'm not going to kill you," he says, and he lowers the lightsaber. "But I'm not going to help you either." He raises his blaster, stuns her, and turns around. Takes a deep breath. It's almost over. He only has to get him and Finn off the ship, and then destroy it all.</p>
<p>It's a struggle dragging Finn's unconscious weight the short distance to the hangar bay. It is a flurry of activity, with shuttles and pods loading and taking off, TIE bombers zooming into space. He's in the back, away from the main activity, and close to the Special Forces TIE fighters. After stunning several pilots from behind, he pulls Finn into the nearest ship. His arm is on fire and he is breathing heavy, and the pain in his head is pounding relentlessly. But somehow, he's done it. They're almost free.</p>
<p>So much for conformity and order: their own form of chaos upended it all with a kiss.</p>
<p>He remembers the mooring attachment this time, releases it and zips into space with a gasp instead of a whoop. And he flies straight into a firefight between the First Order and the Resistance Fleet. Finn was right: Rey figured it out. The Resistance is there, outnumbered but prepared. He hopes they are not picking off escape pods, and he<em> really</em> hopes they don't attack his fighter.</p>
<p>He flips to the Resistance comm channel, tinkers with it to get through, and hopes Rey is out there in the <em>Falcon</em> listening. "Saber One, this is Black Leader. Do you copy?" He waits and repeats it, his heart racing, and finally Rey answers.</p>
<p>"Poe? Is that really you?" The familiar roar of a Wookie in the background almost brings Poe to tears.</p>
<p>"Sure is, back to my old tricks and feeling like doing something stupid already. I need your help."</p>
<p>"Anything," she says. "Is Finn with you?"</p>
<p>"Of course he's with me," Poe almost laughs. "You think I'd leave him behind? He got stunned on the way out, but okay. Should be coming around soon."</p>
<p>"What do you need, then?"</p>
<p>"We're going to take down this ship."</p>
<p>There is a pointed silence on the other end. "Poe, it's a Star Destroyer, how are we going to do that? We haven't got enough fighters, and there are still people on board, we can't—"</p>
<p>"They had time," Poe interrupts. "I gave the abandon ship order myself, then we threw a few bombs around to convince them. Most of them should be gone by now. But we have the chance to take out one of their last Star Destroyers, along with the Rewrite program. We need to take it."</p>
<p>"Poe, we—"</p>
<p>"On it, Black Leader," comes a voice over the comms—Jessika Pava. She is echoed by both Karé Kun and the familiar beeps and whistles of BB-8, and Poe's heart almost bursts with joy.</p>
<p>"Buddy! You made it!" The droid answers indignantly with a flurry of beeps. "I know, I was gone for a long time, but I'm okay. Finn got me out. You watch out for Jess now, okay?"</p>
<p>The droid whistles, and Poe's pretty sure that Jess snorts. "Ready, Poe?"</p>
<p>"Ready to end this," Poe tells her. "Blow it open and I'll take out the reactor core. Should be easy to maneuver with one of these."</p>
<p>"Do you have enough firepower?" Karé asks, and Poe nods even though she can't see him.</p>
<p>"A few direct hits to the reactor should do it."</p>
<p>"What?" exclaims Rey. "You mean, the reactor i<em>nside</em> the ship?"</p>
<p>"Wedge told me about this move once, where they were trying to steal a Star Destroyer, so the <em>Falcon</em> blew it open and Luke flew in to take out the reactor."</p>
<p>"You said steal," Rey points out. "Why aren't we stealing it then?"</p>
<p>"Because we don't need it," Poe tells her. "And I don't want it. Let's go. Jess and Karé, blow a hole in the back and I'll follow. Rey, can you cover me?"</p>
<p>"I'm with you, Poe," she says.</p>
<p>"Good. Wait 'till I tell you how I used Finn's lightsaber to get us out."</p>
<p>"What?" she exclaims.</p>
<p>"Well, it was sort of a lucky shot," he laughs, slightly hysterical as he thinks back to what he did – and what he's about to do. "Finn, on the other hand, was amazing." He glances over his shoulder. "You awake yet, buddy?"</p>
<p>Finn stirs and mumbles something. Poe laughs again, adrenaline pushing him to the edges. "Hurry up, then. We're about to take out a Star Destroyer."</p>
<p>Poe follows Jess and Karé as they swoop and dive through the TIEs surrounding the ship, trying to avoid the escape pods. There are fewer and fewer leaving the ship, and Poe is hopeful that most of the crew has escaped by now. Except for Engell. He hopes she's still lying there with a hole in her gut, bleeding out as the ship explodes around her…</p>
<p>The back of the Star Destroyer comes apart before him. Poe makes a sharp loop to avoid the debris, then shoots inside, trying not to hit the sides. He can sense Finn sitting up behind him. "Finn, we're almost at the reactor!" he shouts. "You ready?"</p>
<p>"We're <em>inside</em> the Star Destroyer?" Finn asks, but Poe can hear him settling into the seat, pulling up the guns, setting the targeting computer. "I'm out of it for a little while…" He grunts as Poe bounces the wing off a strut that's a little too close. "Kriffing hell, Poe. Wake me up sooner next time."</p>
<p>"Sorry!" Poe yells back at him. The adrenaline is really flowing now, and he needs it to make it through this. He's done some crazy things, including several that day alone, but this might be one of the craziest yet. "Hopefully there won't be a next time. We're almost there. Get ready to give it all you got."</p>
<p>They shoot out into the area housing the reactor core, but two smaller TIEs follow them. Poe circles around, dodging his pursuers. Finn takes several shots, but they can't get close enough with the TIEs on their tail. Suddenly, the <em>Falcon</em> is there with them, blowing the TIEs to pieces. Poe takes one more pass by the reactor and Finn hits it dead on with several shots. There will be no saving the ship now, even if they wanted to. Finn whoops and Poe joins him. Over the comms, Rey chimes in with a curt warning.</p>
<p>"We don't have long before it takes out the ship," she says.</p>
<p>"Already on my way out," Poe tells her. He concentrates on getting them out, and then away from the Star Destroyer. It's already listing toward the planet. Poe flips on his comms to broadcast to every channel.</p>
<p>"Resistance fleet and First Order evacuees—this is General Poe Dameron of the New Republic. The <em>Ruthless</em> will explode in approximately five minutes. I suggest you clear the area immediately and prepare to surrender." He flips it back to the <em>Falcon. </em>"Rey, can you get a message to the New Republic? We're gonna need some help with these evacuees."</p>
<p>"Already done," she says. "Rose, you copy that?"</p>
<p>"This is Commander Tico on the <em>Organa,"</em> she says. "They're on their way, General."</p>
<p>For the first time since he regained his memory back in the interrogation room with Finn, Poe sags in relief and starts to relax. It's almost over.</p>
<p>"You're brilliant," Finn tells them. "Both of you. Thank you."</p>
<p>"Thank you for bringing our general back," Rose replies.</p>
<p>"You'll have to tell us what happened after you snuck away from me and Chewie," Rey adds. "Since I thought the plan was for both of us to get on board and find him."</p>
<p>Poe snorts, lets his head fall back as he listens. He missed them, even the bickering, but it is strange, listening to them after being gone for so long. He knows he missed a lot—Rey is back, Rose is commanding the <em>Organa</em>, Finn has a lightsaber. What else did he miss?</p>
<p>There is a pause on the comms. "Poe, are you all right?" Rey asks quietly, and Poe knows they are on a private channel again.</p>
<p>"Getting there," he says. "Got shot—we both did, actually—and have a hell of a headache. Kind of tired now that…" He doesn't finish the sentence. He suddenly feels lightheaded and closes his eyes, trying to hold it at bay. It's the crash, the fall from the adrenaline high that somehow always gets him through the fight. And now that the fight's over, he's not sure how much longer he can keep going before he collapses completely.</p>
<p>"Hang on, Poe," Finn tells him. "I'm not good enough to fly this thing, so take us over to Rose, we'll dock with the <em>Organa</em>."</p>
<p>"Copy that," Poe murmurs. He dodges escape pods and TIEs and X-wings, but gets them to the <em>Organa </em>safely. As they're waiting for the ships to finish connecting, he turns around as far as he can, tries to find Finn. Finn reaches out, clasps his right hand.</p>
<p>"Thanks for coming after me," Poe says. "I don't…I don't know what would have happened to me in there if you hadn't."</p>
<p>"I told you I'd come after you," Finn tells him. "And nothing would have happened. They wanted you too much."</p>
<p>"Maybe," Poe murmurs. "They wanted you too, you know."</p>
<p>"Well, they didn't get either one of us," says Finn. "It's over."</p>
<p>Poe is silent, thinking about Finn's words and hoping he's right, but wondering about Engell's last statement, about what's inside him. The First Order couldn't erase his past; what does that mean when it comes to the last six months? How can he move past what happened, what he did? "Finn, the imprint…it didn't always work. They had to rewrite me almost every week. Even today, I was standing on the bridge, thinking about other planets, other people…wondering why I couldn't remember. I think they would have killed me, eventually. That's what we—what <em>they</em> did." He glances down at his left arm, at the scars left behind from the procedure, a physical reminder of what may always remain.</p>
<p>Finn is silent, but clutches his hand even tighter. "You're safe," he says. "We made it back, and we beat them. Together."</p>
<p>Poe breathes deep, closes his eyes against the tears building within him. He's made it back home to the Resistance, yet he already feels like a stranger, a different person than when he left. He's spent six months with the First Order, while the Resistance moved on without him. He thought he had a future with Finn when he left, but as he watches the <em>Ruthless</em> plunge into the atmosphere of Shandura, he wonders how he can set aside his past with the First Order to embrace it.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well. I'm really not sure about Star Destroyer evacuations, or Poe accidentally deflecting a blaster bolt, or a half dozen other things here, but I do know that the Rebels once blew out the back of a Star Destroyer so Luke could fly into it and take out the reactor (it's in the comics.) And since Rey is such a good pilot, I figured maybe she would follow in the Falcon. I hope it was an exciting escape. So many thanks to mssrj_335 for looking this over and helping me tweak it! I've just about caught up with myself and the the next few chapters are a bit more angsty than I anticipated, so I'm hoping to update midweek. Thank you for reading - I truly appreciate the comments and support!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Fourteen</span>
</p><p>The <em>Falcon</em> docks with the <em>Organa</em> and Rey transfers over, clearly worried for them both and trying not to fuss over them. After their wounds are treated and Poe changes out of his hideous First Order uniform, he quietly slips into the background, watching Finn and Rose and Rey work seamlessly together on the bridge of the <em>Organa</em>. It feels strange, standing on the outside looking in. He is used to being upfront, in charge, both in the Resistance and during his time as someone else in the First Order. He is so proud of them, but he also feels left out, lost. They've managed six months without him, created a new dynamic and grown closer, stronger. Is there still a place for him?</p><p>Rey turns toward him then, as if sensing his thoughts, and asks him a question. He barely hears her, doesn't even know what she's asking—but he knows he can't answer. He's not a part of this, not now. Shaking his head, he forces a smile on his face.</p><p>"Ask Finn," Poe says. "I'm a little too far out of the loop to help much."</p><p>Finn turns sharply, frowns at him. "What are you talking about? You're still the General here, Poe."</p><p>The title rings hollow. "I've also got a raging headache from a head full of—" He stops himself. "Well, a lot of bad stuff. If you don't mind, I think I'd rather lay down than lead right now."</p><p>"Do you want me to—" Finn starts, but Poe shakes his head again.</p><p>"No, you should stay. There's a lot going on out there—you belong up here." He doesn't add, <em>And I don't</em> even though he's thinking it. He wonders if they are as well, or when the doubt will begin. Leaving the bridge, Poe hopes no one follows him. He feels a desperate need to be alone so he can rage and scream and fall apart. But of course, someone does.</p><p>"Poe!" Rey calls as he walks away. She calls him again, and he stops. And honestly, he's so glad to see her, he wants to cry—she looks amazing, strong and confident. A true Jedi. Which means she can probably sense all the things going on in his head—all the guilt and confusion and fear. The thought almost breaks him, that she will <em>see</em> him, and he swallows hard, unable to speak and wishing he could hide.</p><p>"Come on," she says, touching his arm and guiding him away. "Let's get you settled." He nods, grateful for her calm acceptance and silence as they walk. She leads him toward the medical bay, but a sudden flash of panic stops him as he remembers another medical bay. Doctors in grey, telling him he was injured and assuring him that he's physically recovered, but that his memories may never return. He rubs at his left arm and pulls them to a stop. His heart races as the realization crashes down.</p><p>"It's not safe," he says, his voice coming out as a croak. "I can't…I have to…Rey, it's not safe."</p><p>"What do you mean?" She frowns, searching his eyes. "Poe, it's over. You're safe here. They can't get to you, they can't do anything else to you. I promise."</p><p>"No, no," he says. He shakes his head, runs a hand through his hair only to feel how short it is now, how wrong it feels. When he takes it away, his hand is shaking. "I'm not safe—to you." He's not explaining it right, stomps his foot in frustration. "Rey, they got in my head. Not once, not to get some piece of intelligence. They were in my head for months, turning me into another person. There could still be some of that inside me. <em>I</em> could be a danger to <em>you</em>."</p><p>Her eyes are wide by the time he finishes. Slowly, she shakes her head. "I don't believe that," she says. "That you could be a danger to us—no. You're too good, Poe. You broke through all that as soon as you saw Finn. I don't think there's any going back."</p><p>"But we don't know," he tells her. "That project—Rey, they were playing with powers they don't understand. I saw it. There's no way to know the consequences. So for now, I'm going to the brig." He turns and walks away. After a moment, he hears her hurry to catch up.</p><p>"Poe, don't be ridiculous! We're not locking you in the brig!"</p><p>"Then I'll lock myself in." He pauses. "Somehow."</p><p>"You can't lock yourself in from the inside," she tells him. He doesn't reply. "Poe, listen to me. You're going to be okay. You just need—"</p><p>He slashes his hand through the air. "I need to be smart and keep everyone safe. I may be okay someday, but right now—it's only been a few hours since I was standing on the bridge of a Star Destroyer." Thinking back to it literally makes him ill, and he swallows the impulse to vomit all the darkness he still feels inside him, along with the growing shame. "Give me some peace of mind. Lock me in until we <em>know</em> it's safe."</p><p>"No," she says, remaining stubborn. "I'm not locking you up."</p><p>Anger explodes, and he stops, shaking his finger in her face. "Rey, the New Republic is going to do the same thing to every single one of those troopers on that ship. Everyone who went through that program has a head full of memories that aren't real. Some of them aren't going to be as lucky as I am to snap out of it, and they <em>will</em> be dangerous. They will be prisoners until proven otherwise, and you know it. I'm going to the brig, and I would appreciate it if you would help me keep this ship safe until we know for sure."</p><p>She stares at him so long he thinks she's going to say no again, until she suddenly pulls him into an embrace, and he thinks he sees a tear in her eyes. "I already know," she murmurs in his ear. "You are Poe Dameron, and no one can take that from you."</p><p>He half laughs, half sobs against her hair, and they stand there for a long time—long enough for a few people to walk around them, and Poe is pretty sure they're getting some strange looks. He should probably get used to it. They didn't trust him on the Star Destroyer because he was Resistance—now he will likely face more of the same back with his own people, because he was First Order.</p><p>The thought sends another spark of anxiety through him, that he may no longer have a place there. That the First Order may have taken even his home. Swallowing the fear, Poe pulls back, nods his thanks, and starts toward the detention area.</p><p>It's small, only a few cells, and he walks right in without hesitation as Rey stays behind. She looks desperately unhappy. "Do you need anything?" she asks. "Are you hungry, or can I—"</p><p>"No," he says. The thought of food is nauseating. All he wants to do is lay down, curl up, and fall apart. A part of him wishes Finn were there, but another part is glad he's not. He doesn't know if he wants Finn to see him like this, confused and broken. He forces a smile for Rey. "I just need some rest," he tells her. "Start working things out in my head."</p><p>She looks so sad, he feels terrible for hurting her. But he's also in so much pain, he needs to be alone more than anything at that moment. "Poe, maybe I can—" she starts, but he shakes his head.</p><p>"Maybe later," he tells her. "Not now."</p><p>"Right." She brings up the force field, stands there with her hand still in the air. "I hope…" She stops, shakes her head. "Call if you need anything," she says instead. "You're not alone."</p><p>"I know," he tells her, though he's not sure he believes it, not yet. "Thanks, Rey."</p><p>He lays down on the flat metal bed in the corner and closes his eyes. After a few moments of silence, he senses her leave. He's finally, <em>finally,</em> alone, and suddenly feels so many different emotions he's not sure what to process first. He's so angry that this happened, so ashamed of what he's done, and more than anything, still so scared. What is going to happen to him? What if there is still a part of that First Order General Dameron still inside him? Will he ever be rid of it? What will the rest of the Resistance think? Or the New Republic?</p><p>What about Finn?</p><p>Poe flings an arm across his eyes, covers his face as a sob grows in his chest. His arm burns, and his head is throbbing, but more than anything, his heart hurts. He failed. He left Ajan Kloss six months ago to try and stop the First Order, and ended up becoming a part of it. How does someone recover from something like that? How does he even begin to move on?</p><p>He turns on his side, toward the wall, and curls up as small and tight as he can, his body shaking so hard he's sure he's going to fly apart. A part of him wants to—to surrender to the darkness and despair, but then he's filled with even more guilt for wanting that escape. He's never run from his problems before. He's avoided them for long stretches of time, but he's never given in to hopelessness, even at his lowest points. This is different, though. This is something he's never had to face, the very dissolution of his identity, of everything he held as his own. How can he recover what they took from him, when they took a part of his soul?</p><p>There is a sharp keening that he knows must be him, but he can't stop the pain from escaping somehow. Otherwise it would strangle and suffocate him, kill him as surely as the First Order almost did—still might. It rushes from him in great heaving sobs, until he feels something…some<em>one</em> lay down next to him, press close against his back and wrap a strong arm around him.</p><p>Poe stills, sucks in great gasping breaths, but he can't stop the anguish from pouring out. Finn holds him tight, murmuring against Poe's shoulder, his own tears falling onto Poe's neck. Together they both let go of their pain, until Poe finally gives in to exhaustion and falls asleep wondering if maybe he will be all right after all, as long as Finn is by his side.</p><hr/><p>Poe wakes to the sound of a frantic but familiar beeping he'd recognize anywhere. He tries to roll over, but is stopped by a warm body next to him. Finn is still asleep, his eyes closed as he breathes slow and steady. He looks peaceful, content, though Poe also thinks he looks thinner, with a few more lines on his face that weren't there before. Someone brought them a blanket; Poe wonders how long they've been there.</p><p>He sits up, draping the blanket back over Finn and looking down at BB-8. His droid. He hasn't seen the little astromech in six months, and the sight of him makes Poe tear up again. BB-8 is bouncing back and forth, turns a circle in excitement as Poe smiles at him, wipes his eyes. It's from sleep, he tells himself. He's not crying over a droid.</p><p>"Hey buddy," he says quietly. "It's good to see you too." BB-8 whistles loudly, and Poe looks down at Finn, trying to keep his droid quiet. "And I know you're excited, I am too, but Finn was hurt and he's still sleeping so—"</p><p>"I'm awake," Finn rumbles. He opens his eyes, rubs his face, and sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "Hey, BB." <em>Bworp beep</em>? "No, I'm fine. Just needed to rest. Been a long six months, I guess."</p><p>Poe cringes, wondering what Finn has been through while he was a puppet General with the First Order. He moves to the edge of the bed and slips onto the floor, where he rubs BB-8's dome, pulls him close into a hug. It's strange, he knows, but he hasn't seen or touched his droid in months, and it's comforting. BB-8 may not feel it the same way as a human, but he trills happily anyway, and Poe feels better for it.</p><p>Finn lays a hand on his shoulder, and Poe sits back up next to him. And suddenly he's feeling unsure—of himself, of where he stands with Finn, of his place in the galaxy six months after he disappeared. Finn must sense it, because he frowns. "How are you?" he asks.</p><p>"I could ask you the same thing," Poe points out, deflecting it back, because he's not sure how he feels or if he wants to talk about it. To his surprise, Finn smiles.</p><p>"I feel amazing," he says. "We found you, and we stopped the First Order. It doesn't get any better than that."</p><p>Poe smiles back, but it is small. "And your leg?"</p><p>"Sore, but it'll be fine. Your arm?"</p><p>"The same." Poe shrugs. "I seem to get shot there a lot, though." Running a hand through his short hair, Poe makes a face. "And I really hate this haircut," he adds. He leans forward on his knees with a sigh.</p><p>BB-8 beeps something from the floor, and Poe rolls his eyes. "Thanks, buddy. Good to know it'll grow back that fast."</p><p>Finn does not say anything, and Poe sits up straight to find the other man studying him with a frown. "What?" he asks.</p><p>"You didn't answer before," he says. "How are you feeling?"</p><p>Poe blows out a long breath, looks away to gather the thoughts he's willing to share, tucks away the thoughts he can't – at least not yet. And he realizes he's not sure how to answer the question. "I don't know," he replies honestly. "At first, my head was on fire, but we had to get out of there. Then we made it out, and I thought for sure I was gonna pass out on that TIE. Got cleaned up and out of that uniform and felt better. Left the bridge ready to collapse." He shrugs. "So I'm all over the place and I have no idea where to land."</p><p>Finn is quiet, but moves closer so their arms are touching. Poe can feel the strength in him, leans into it. Finn rests his head against Poe's, takes his hand and holds it tight. "You'll figure it out," he finally says. "<em>We </em>will figure it out, together."</p><p>Poe tries not to stiffen, because the warmth feels so good, when everything else feels so cold. "Finn, I—" He stops, sees something against Finn's chest. "Is that my ring?" he asks. He turns to face Finn, reaches out to clasp it in his hands, trying not to let them shake.</p><p>"BB-8 gave it to me," Finn replies quietly, glancing down to where Poe's hand hovers at his chest. "He said you told him to."</p><p>"I did," Poe murmurs. "I usually leave it behind for my dad, but I told him that if I didn't make it, he needed to bring back any intel he could, and give you the ring. I completely forgot about it." He touches the empty place on his own chest curiously. Now that he's remembered, it's odd to not feel it there, but somehow comforting to see it on Finn.</p><p>Finn reaches behind his neck to pull it over his head. "Here, you should have it back, so you—"</p><p>"No!" Poe exclaims, stopping him. "I told him to give it to you. I'm not taking it back."</p><p>"It's yours," Finn says. He places it in Poe's hand, and Poe stares at it, shakes his head. "It might help," Finn insists. "It's a part of who you are."</p><p><em>Who I used to be,</em> Poe thinks, but he doesn't say it out loud. "Keep it," Poe tells him, a smile curling his lips. "It—"</p><p>"—suits me?" Finn finishes. He grins as Poe closes Finn's fingers around it.</p><p>"It's yours," Poe tells him. "Because I'd like to think it would have been yours someday even if I hadn't left it behind for my droid to give to you." He takes a deep breath. "Only I know everything is different now, <em>I'm </em>different now, and I understand if that changes things. I can't ask you to—"</p><p>"Then don't ask," Finn interrupts. "Because I'm going to whether you do or not. And you can try to push me away, but it won't work. You know it won't."</p><p>"You think you're more stubborn than me or something?" Poe tries to joke, but it's half-hearted. BB-8 tells Finn no one is more stubborn than Poe, which earns a smile from them both.</p><p>"I know I'm more stubborn," Finn tells him, and he puts the ring back around his neck as if punctuating his statement. For some reason, the truth stings.</p><p>"You must be, to spend so long looking for me," he murmurs. He takes his hand back, clutches his head again. "Kriff, Finn—how? How did you find me? How did you even know I was alive? You could have given up months ago!"</p><p>"I would never give up on you," Finn tells him, his voice fierce. "Never! There were times when I had to stop, because the Resistance needed me, but I never gave up hope. I knew you were alive, I could feel it. And I knew you were in pain." He shakes his head. "I saw you once, only you seemed so far away, wrapped in clouds and fog. Now I know why."</p><p>"Because I was," Poe whispers. "I was trapped—trapped in my own mind. It's strange, because I remember what I did in the First Order, only now it feels like some sort of dream. Like I was asleep and imagined it all. The problem is…" He shakes his head, doesn't want to continue. BB-8 bumps against his knees, beeping sadly.</p><p>"What?" Finn asks. "You can tell me, you know. I spent a lot more time in the First Order than you." He pauses. "And yet you still outranked me in six months!" It's an attempt at levity that falls flat.</p><p>"It's not the same," Poe replies. "You broke out on your own. I…I don't know how long I would have been there if you hadn't shown up."</p><p>"You would have got out," Finn says. "I know you."</p><p>Poe jumps up and starts pacing, agitated as it spills from him. "No, you don't—not anymore. Not after these last six months. I did things, Finn—things I don't know if I can come back from, can forgive."</p><p>"No," Finn tells him very matter-of-factly. "<em>You</em> didn't do those things. The imprint they programmed did those things. This program, it creates an entirely new person—with the personality traits they want, the history, the memories. Everything. It wasn't you, Poe. It was the mask they put on your face while you were trapped inside."</p><p>Poe shakes his head, and Finns stands up to join him. He's still moving gingerly, but the limp in his leg is much better. BB-8 follows, so that he's between them, watching. Finn puts his hands on Poe's shoulders. "Listen to me. You said you remember what happened, right?"</p><p>"Yes," he says, his voice catching. "But it's like watching a movie—I can see myself doing things, but I don't remember making those choices."</p><p>"Because it wasn't you!" Finn shakes him a little. "You didn't make those choices. You were a prisoner in your own body."</p><p>"But I didn't even try to escape!" Poe exclaims. He steps back, waves his arms around to let the agitation out. "I mean, there were times I knew something was wrong. I remember…I felt out of place. I had strange memories. I antagonized people a lot." Finn grins. "I questioned things, I tried to make different choices, but I couldn't, and then…" He trails off.</p><p>"Let me guess—you went and saw your doctor. They told you it was your injury, did some therapy, gave you some medicine? And you felt better the next day?"</p><p>"How did you know?" BB-8 echoes his surprise.</p><p>This time it's Finn who steps back, looks away. "Tià captured an officer who helped run the program. We questioned him…I questioned him. It's how I found you—we went to Shandura and waited for the <em>Ruthless</em> to arrive."</p><p>It's been six months, but Poe can tell immediately that Finn is hiding something. "There's more to that story, isn't there?"</p><p>Finn shrugs. "Yes and no. Tià was determined to find out where the First Order was, for her brother. She's the one who finally tracked them down to Shandura, who brought the prisoner back here. I talked to him, and he told us almost everything all on his own—he seemed proud of it, even."</p><p>"And?" Poe can tell by the way Finn is avoiding his look, the way the other man is holding himself, that there is more. "Finn, whatever happened, it's okay."</p><p>Finn nods. "I know. It's okay <em>now.</em> At the time…it was a little scary. But I understand. It won't happen again."</p><p>"What won't happen again? What do you understand?" Poe suspects, and his heart breaks for Finn and what he's gone through, but maybe Poe is wrong.</p><p>Finn takes a deep breath, meets his eyes. "I used the Force. He wouldn't tell me where you were, so I used the Force." BB-8 makes his sad noise and rolls back a little, giving them space. Poe wonders if the droid knows about this.</p><p>"You made him tell you?" Poe asks. "Like Rey did, with those troopers on the <em>Steadfast</em>? Could be a handy trick when you need faster service somewhere."</p><p>Finn doesn't even smile, shakes his head. "No, he was strong, wouldn't tell me. So I…I just took it from him. I could see it in his mind, and I reached in and took it." His eyes are bright, begging for forgiveness, and Poe steps forward, pulls him into an embrace and holds him tight even after Finn stiffens.</p><p>"Relax," Poe murmurs. "It's all right."</p><p>Finn pulls his head back to look into Poe's face. "It wasn't, but I know that now. You…you aren't upset? Scared?"</p><p>Poe laughs softly through his nose. "Finn, I'm scared of a lot of things right now, but you are not one of them." He places his hand along Finn's cheek. "You never could be."</p><p>A slow smile creeps across Finn's face, and Poe laughs again, pulls him close once more as his droid spins around on the floor with a happy trill. "You've been wanting to tell me about that for a while, haven't you?"</p><p>"It only happened a few weeks ago," Finn says "but yes, there is so much I want to tell you. About the Force and the Resistance and—"</p><p>"And your lightsaber," Poe adds. "Which, by the way, I may have borrowed after you got hit."</p><p>Finn grins, the tension from his confession lifting even more. "I thought I heard you say something to Rey when we were on that TIE fighter!" He pauses. "Thanks for getting me out of there, by the way."</p><p>"I couldn't have got you out if you hadn't me out first," Poe tells him.</p><p>"We have a lot to catch up on," Finn murmurs. He leans closer, his intent clear. Poe moves forward to meet him, but right before their lips meet, there is a startled exclamation from the doorway.</p><p>"Sorry!" Rey exclaims, looking anywhere but at them. "I didn't mean to interrupt, only we've been back for over an hour and we thought…" She grins as BB-8 zips over to her with the droid equivalent of a laugh. "Maybe you'd want to go somewhere more comfortable—and private!"</p><p>Finn rolls his eyes while Poe chuckles. It feels good to laugh, even if it also feels somewhat forced. But Finn is right: there is a lot to catch up on. With Finn, and Rey, and the Resistance. Poe knows he can't live in the past, let his experience hold him back from the future. He can't stay in the brig forever trying to keep his friends safe and avoid dealing with what happened. It's hard, though. His heart speeds up, and his feet don't want to move. There are so many doubts, so many fears, swirling through his mind. He takes a deep breath.</p><p>"I'm ready," he says, even though he's not. Maybe he will be someday, but until then he's going to have to fake it. He takes Finn's hand and steps forward. "Let's go home."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next update this weekend, and yes, it keeps getting longer. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> Fifteen </span>
</p><p>Poe spends several days in the medical ward back on Ajan Kloss. Harter Kalonia arrives not long after them and immediately takes over. Why, Poe's not sure—apparently Finn contacted her before he left for Shandura. Poe is slightly embarrassed to have pulled her out of retirement, but also glad, because he knows her, trusts her. So much that he doesn't even complain about being locked up for a week; even though he's back where he belongs, he's still unsure, unsettled. The medical ward feels safe, and better than the brig.</p><p>"You know," Kalonia says after a few days, "I'd probably kick you out sooner if you complained about being stuck here."</p><p>He glances up from where they are sitting together, sipping a cup of afternoon caf. He offers a smile, but doesn't quite feel it. Nothing feels quite right, yet. Close, like he knows it will someday, but not yet. "What do I have to complain about?" he asks. "I've got my own room, good food, peace and quiet, and a private doctor. No complaints here."</p><p>"The Poe Dameron I know would be itching to get out, get back to work, get back to a ship." She gives him a pointed look. "You haven't talked about flying once since I got here."</p><p>Poe shrugs. "Maybe I'm not the Poe Dameron you knew," he says quietly. "And flying…well, no rush there. Look what happened last time." He grimaces immediately: he's given too much away. That he's still wrestling with the core of his identity is not something he wants to talk about.</p><p>Kalonia sits back. There are more lines around her face, a bit more grey at her temples, but she still has the same calming presence that Poe remembers from all the other times she had to patch him up after a rough mission. Her piercing look studies him until he feels like squirming, a child under a parent's stern gaze. When he opens his mouth—probably to make some sort of lame excuse—she holds up a hand to stop him before he can speak.</p><p>"Don't even start," she says. "With the excuses and stories. Tell me why you're really here, because it's not for the food."</p><p>"Actually, it's much better than the First Order," Poe tells her, and for once, he's not joking. It's taken several days for his body to get used to the richer foods of his old diet, compared to the bland meals served like clockwork on the <em>Ruthless</em>. And as much as he's vaguely considered drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Corellian whiskey, the very scent of it put him off before he could. There are so many things he has to get used to again.</p><p>"Fair enough," she says. "But you don't have to eat in here. You could go to the mess hall with everyone else, you know."</p><p>Poe shrugs, stares into his caf, finally answers when she refuses to look away. "I don't feel like it," he finally tells her, and admits the crux of the issue. "I'm not ready."</p><p>"Not ready for what?" she asks. "You're their leader, their friend. They've missed you, every single one of them, and they're worried about you." She pauses. "And they don't know what happened with the program. Finn made sure it was confined to only a few."</p><p>Poe sets his cup down. "I know," he says, and it is both a relief and a frustration. He's glad not many people know he's been standing on the bridge of the <em>Ruthless</em> for six months, helping them build their forces. At the same time, it's frustrating, because that means they are seeing him as something he's not, trusting him when maybe they shouldn't. They don't know the whole story, but if they did, what then?</p><p>"You could always tell them," Kalonia suggests. "If you feel like they should know."</p><p>"No," he says, too quickly. "I mean, maybe, but not yet. I don't want…" He sighs.</p><p>"You don't want them to judge you, to see you as weak?" She leans forward, rests her hand on his knee. "They won't, and you're not. Have faith in them."</p><p>"They might, and I am, and I do," he tells her. "But what I really don't want is for them to be scared. Of me."</p><p>She nods as if she understands. "Like you are. What are you scared of, Poe?"</p><p>"Is this a caf break or a therapy session?" he asks dryly. He's not sure if he wants either anymore. Kalonia doesn't answer right away.</p><p>"Poe, Finn called me and told me what happened so that I could be here to help you. Because I know you, and you know me. So if you'd rather talk to a stranger, some so-called expert from the New Republic you've never met, then I can certainly go back to my garden."</p><p>He smiles. "You have a garden?"</p><p>"I like to take care of things," she says. "Especially my friends. You're scared you're still part of it, part of the First Order, aren't you? I heard about your stay in the brig on the <em>Organa</em>, you know."</p><p>"There's no way to know that I'm not," he says. It's ironic, he thinks, because he remembers telling Amret Engell that they couldn't make people, turn them into something they're not. He believes that, and yet, he's still worried that there is some part of what they did within him, something bad. "It's all there inside of me."</p><p>"No, it's not," she says. "The imprint they created for you—that's gone. All that remains are the memories."</p><p>"How do you <em>know?"</em> he asks. "How can I ever believe it?"</p><p>"Well," she starts. "I've seen you looking at your tests and scans. And I can tell you without a doubt that your brain patterns are a ninety-eight percent to match the last one we have on file for you, before you were captured. You <em>are</em> you, Poe."</p><p>"What about that other two percent?" he asks, his voice bitter. "What if it….I don't know, spreads? Takes over somehow?"</p><p>"It won't," she assures him. "Because it's not what you think it is, some planted trigger that's going to recondition you one day. Those changes…they're normal. They're the effect of trauma, Poe. It happens to everyone who goes through something like you did."</p><p>He sits back, crosses his hands over his chest. "Well, I don't trust it right now, that two percent."</p><p>"You don't trust yourself," she points out. "So how can you regain that?"</p><p>"What do you mean?" he asks with a frown.</p><p>"Well, if you lost a friend's trust, you'd work to gain it back. You've lost trust in yourself, so you need to do the same. It's not that different."</p><p>"It's totally different!" he explodes, before immediately pulling back and apologizing. He's been snapping a lot since he returned, hates the constant feeling of agitation that bursts out so unexpectedly, alternating with melancholy and remorse. Kalonia told him it would get better, but it's one of several things that are not.</p><p>"How?" she asks.</p><p>He stands up and starts pacing, hoping to work off his frustration. His hands make fists at his sides, and he can <em>feel</em> Kalonia frowning at him, watching him like they watched him on the <em>Ruthless</em>. It's unsettling, even though he understands. Then, he didn't; now, he knows exactly what's going on and why everyone follows him so carefully.</p><p>"Look," he starts, "if I stop trusting someone, it's usually because of something they've done wrong. And they can earn my trust back by doing the right thing. This is different because it's not just about what I've done, but who I am. Don't you see? I'm not who I was six months ago! They were inside my head, did things that took away who <em>I </em>was in <em>my </em>body. And whether I want it to or not, that's changed me—I don't trust what's inside me anymore, and I don't know how to fix it!" His hands are flailing, and his voice is loud, and his heart is racing wildly. Is this what a panic attack feels like? He turns toward Kalonia, wide-eyed.</p><p>Kalonia stands and strides over to him, takes both his hands and holds tight. "Take a deep breath, Poe—in through your nose, out through your mouth. Nice and slow—with me." He shakes his head, she squeezes his hand and holds his gaze. "Breathe, Poe, or I'm going to knock you out."</p><p>He doesn't want drugs—never liked them—and follows her lead, breathing in for several counts, then blowing it out. Staring into her eyes, he is struck by a memory of Leia, holding his hands and talking him through something similar not long after Crait. That had been one of his lowest times, and she'd been there for him despite her own losses. He suddenly misses her so much his chest hurts, and he squeezes his eyes shut against the image of their former leader, a woman who was so much more to him that she ever knew. Or maybe she did know. He's just glad she never got to see him like this.</p><p>The thought breaks his heart in two, and a sob stops his steady breathing, and Kalonia is pulling him into a warm embrace. He clings to her, desperate for physical contact after so many months without. She slowly guides him over to his bed, and he willingly climbs in, takes the light sedative she gives him. Facing away, he curls up and lets sleep carry him away from his doubts and fears, at least for a little while.</p><hr/><p>When Poe wakes up, it's dark outside, and Finn is asleep in a chair next to the bed. Turning on his side, Poe smiles to himself as he watches Finn sleep. He thinks about how lucky he is that someone like Finn rescued him not once, but twice. Which unfortunately brings back that shadow of doubt that's only grown now that he's back on Ajan Kloss. Kalonia was right, that Poe is scared. He's not only scared of what may still be inside him, but of revealing himself as a weak leader, a man who not only got captured but was forced to serve the First Order. Logically, he knows he had no choice and that it was not him making those decisions; yet logic does not stop the moments of guilt for orders that came from his mouth, or the feelings of shame that accompany them. And then it makes him sad, that he has lost that spark of confidence; fear and anger come in bursts, but the sadness grows alongside the doubt.</p><p>Finn has been nothing but supportive since they returned to Ajan Kloss. He's gently tried to talk Poe into leaving the medical area—to eat with the others in the mess hall, to go back to his room for the night. And Poe has gently turned him down each time, earning both concern and at times exasperation from Finn. Usually, Finn will eat with him in the medical ward, and has fallen asleep several times in the same chair. Rey joined them once for dinner, and Jess, and Poe had an emotional lunch with Tiá Arana the day before that ended in tears as they finally mourned for Iolo, together.</p><p>Poe wonders what time it is, if he's slept straight through and missed dinner. Should he go back to sleep? Should he wake Finn, send him back to his own bed instead of a chair? Should he let Finn sleep and quietly ask for something to eat? He sits up, still debating what to do, when Finn grunts with a start, looking wildly around the room.</p><p>"Poe?" he asks. "Is everything okay?"</p><p>Poe chuckles. "I'm fine. I was trying not to wake you, that's all."</p><p>"Why?" Finn asks. "Do you need anything? Are you—" He glances out the window and frowns. "What time is it?"</p><p>"No idea," Poe shrugs. "I've been out of it for a while, though. When did you get here?"</p><p>"I came to see if you wanted to get dinner," Finn says. "But you were asleep and Kalonia said it would probably be a few hours." He stifles a yawn. "So apparently I joined you."</p><p>"You must have needed it," Poe points out.</p><p>"Yeah, Kalonia said I'm catching up on months of…. what did she say? Not eating enough, not sleeping enough, and worrying too much." He shakes his head. "She's tough."</p><p>"Kriff, Finn," Poe murmurs, looking away. "I'm sorry. I feel like it's all my fault, that if I—"</p><p>"No, she said it was my fault and no one else's." Finn looks rueful. "Because I tried to blame the First Order, and then the New Republic, and she said it was all me."</p><p>"Because you were looking for me," Poe says quietly. "Because I wasn't here to help with Bakura, and the Hutts, and all the other things. I'm sorry."</p><p>"Poe, you didn't leave us on purpose," Finn says, then backtracks. "I mean, you did, but you left to help people. You didn't get caught on purpose. No one blames you for anything, so stop blaming yourself already." He stands and stretches. "And if you are going to keep apologizing, how about you make it up to me by coming to get something to eat? I'm starving."</p><p>"Me too," Poe agrees, then shakes his head. "But I can have them bring me something here. You go on ahead, see what they have in the—"</p><p>"No," Finn says. His voice is firm. "You need to get out of here, even if it's only for an hour. There won't be many people there at this hour, and I know that's what you're worried about—other people. Even if there were, it wouldn't matter. You don't have to worry. Everyone is so glad you're back—and they're concerned that you're still in here."</p><p>"Finn, I think it's better if I—"</p><p>"—if you get out of this room for a little while?" Finn finishes. "I agree. Come on, I'm taking you to dinner."</p><p>"Like, a date?" Poe asks, teasing in spite of his reluctance. He adjusts his clothes, runs a hand through his hair, but honestly—he doesn't care about his appearance. It's the looks and the whispers from others that he's more concerned with.</p><p>"Pretty lame first date," Finn replies. "Although if you want me to find some wine or something, I can try." He holds out his hand, and Poe takes it, follows him from the room, forcing his feet to move even though they feel heavy.</p><p>The walk to the mess hall is not as bad as Poe thought it would be. Not many people are around, and no one stares. The few people they pass smile, and Poe can practically feel Finn's happiness beside him. The mess hall is mostly empty, and Poe is reminded of the last time he was there with Finn, the night before he left Ajan Kloss. Finn had just returned, and they had enjoyed a drink as they talked. Poe stops at the threshold, frowning. He doesn't want to go in, because that's also when everything started to go wrong.</p><p>"Come on," Finn say, taking his hand again and gently tugging Poe forward. "It'll be fine. Smells good."</p><p>Poe smiles gratefully as Finn leads them to the same table they'd shared before in the corner. Sitting with his back to as much of the mess hall as he can, he tries not to fidget. He can't remember ever feeling so anxious about something, not even returning to his ship after a bad crash. After taking a few slow breaths, Poe tells himself it's okay to be nervous, but that he's safe. Home. He has every right to be there, to eat dinner. Which ignites a flash of anger—he's not going to let the First Order take something so simple as a meal from him, is he? No.</p><p>Finn is watching him with concern, and Poe can't help but roll his eyes. "I'm okay," he tells him. "It's good to be out."</p><p>The look of happiness and relief on Finn's face is worth all the nerves.</p><p>"I'll go get us some food from the back," he says. "Give me a few minutes."</p><p>Poe nods. After a minute or two of staring at the wall as taps the table, he turns toward the room and lets his gaze drift around. He recognizes most of the people, several of whom seem to be looking his way as well; a few even smile and wave. They are probably only curious, but Poe wonders what they are thinking. Do they have any idea what happened? Are they judging him, questioning his ability to lead? His foot bounces, and he contemplates leaving.</p><p>And then Finn returns—with two glasses and a bottle of wine. Poe stares at it, slightly dumbfounded while Finn pours. "You weren't joking about the wine," he manages.</p><p>Finn hands him a glass and sits down across from him. He suddenly looks shy, uncertain. "I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. Is it okay?" he asks. "It's not too much?"</p><p>"Of course it's okay," Poe tells him. "Um, thank you." He raises his glass and takes a sip, tries not to make a face at a taste he's not used to anymore.</p><p>Finn follows, taking a longer drink and nodding. "It's good."</p><p>"Different," Poe agrees, then adds, "In a good way. Just been a while."</p><p>Finn frowns. "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't think it would be—"</p><p>"It's not," Poe tells him. "It's good. Almost feels normal." He sets his glass down and rubs his face. "Though also a little bit weird. At least, for us."</p><p>Finn chuckles. "I guess. Although, last time we sat here we had a drink." He takes another sip and sighs. "But we weren't…I mean, we hadn't…"</p><p>"Right," Poe agrees. The awkwardness is strange, but not unbearable. It was bound to happen, wasn't it? They kissed six months ago, and then Poe disappeared. Finn spent the next six months looking for him, only to find him trapped on a Star Destroyer. It was literally Finn's kiss that broke Poe out of the imprint. That they've not talked about it is only because Poe has been in the medical area since returning. They should probably figure it all out at some point—especially considering Finn is still wearing Poe's ring.</p><p>Poe tries to gather his thoughts, but before either one of them has a chance to speak, one of the cooks, a Vurk named Tallis Sinsk, comes out from the back with two plates of hot food. They also place a glass of wilted flowers in the center of the table, apologize for not having any candles, then hurry away with the Vurk equivalent of a smile.</p><p>Once again, Poe is dumbfounded, and it appears Finn is as well. The food looks great and smells even better—Poe remembers Tallis's heavenly chocolate koja nut cake and wonders if maybe there will be some for dessert. The flowers add a perfect sentimental touch. He glances around and notices that the mess hall is now empty.</p><p>"Looks like it's a date after all," he points out as the lights grow dim. Finn looks up and laughs.</p><p>"I swear I didn't say anything," he offers.</p><p>"Vurks are highly empathetic," Poe tells him. "And Tallis has always been good—and sneaky. They obviously figured us out pretty quick."</p><p>"You still okay with it?" Finn asks.</p><p>"I am," Poe tells him, and he holds up his glass to touch to Finn's. "To unique first dates, because why would we do anything like the rest of the galaxy?"</p><p>Finn grins and clinks his glass, and they take another sip. They quickly settle into something more comfortable, more natural as they eat—something that feels more like they are Finn and Poe, simply having dinner together, and less like two men who haven't seen each other for six months trying to figure out how to have a first date on a jungle planet. Soon they are talking and laughing, and Poe almost feels like nothing has changed, except of course it has. Fortunately, the conversation does not turn down dark roads, and they are soon leaning back, sipping their wine with a satisfied sigh.</p><p>Poe already caught up on how Finn lead the Resistance while he was gone, even if Finn protested that he didn't, that Rose and Kaydel did as much if not more than him. Now he hears about Finn's struggles with the Force, appropriate since last time they sat there, they talked about something similar. It is so good to hear the positive, however—how Finn worked through his struggles, how he finally talked to Rey about it, how he trained harder and grew stronger and now has a lightsaber. It's that last that truly makes Poe proud.</p><p>"You're a Jedi now, you know," he tells Finn, who shakes his head in protest. "No, you are. I saw you up there. What you did—only a Jedi could do all that."</p><p>"But there's still so much I don't know," Finn tells him.</p><p>"That's true for everyone," Poe replies. "You grow as you go. I learned much more being out there in space—learning how to actually fly was just the first step. The journey never really ends."</p><p>"I know," says Finn. "Rey says the same thing—I see her still reading, learning, training—trying to figure this out. But if I'm going to be a general and a Jedi, I feel like I should have a handle on at least one of them!"</p><p>"Buddy, you've got both covered, no problem." Poe reaches across the table for his hand. "Thank you. I can't say it enough."</p><p>"No, you've definitely said it enough," Finn laughs. "No more. You're back, and you're here in the mess hall, and before you know it, you'll be—"</p><p>They are interrupted once more by Tallis Sinsk, who brings out their famous and utterly decadent chocolate koja nut cake. Poe groans before the plate even hits the table: it's the biggest piece he's ever seen, topped with sauce and berries. Positively sinful. He thinks the Vurk winks at Finn, who looks embarrassed at the attention. Poe thanks them profusely before digging in.</p><p>They talk some more, finishing the last of the wine as they eat, and for a while, Poe feels normal again, even hopeful. And his feelings for Finn…well, Finn saved him. Those feelings haven't changed. Poe's not sure what to say, though, how to even bring it up. And unfortunately, he doesn't get the chance: like the last time they sat there and talked, they are interrupted by the business of the Resistance, this time by Rose.</p><p>"I'm sorry," she says, and she looks miserable about disturbing them. Poe can only imagine what it looks like, the two of them sitting alone in the mess hall, the lights turned down, eating chocolate and sipping wine. He suddenly feels like he's trapped in one of those old holo-dramas Jess and Iolo teased him about. Thinking of Iolo brings a wave of sadness, compounded by the fact that their night is almost certainly over if the look on Rose's face is anything to go by.</p><p>"It's fine," Finn tells her, but Poe can hear the note of regret in his voice; he feels it as well.</p><p>"What's wrong?" he asks. "Something's happened, I take it?"</p><p>"Nothing's wrong," she says. "We just received a message from the New Republic, from the Senate."</p><p>Finn groans. "Now what do they want? We took out the First Order for them, <em>again</em>! Can't they let us enjoy it for a few days?"</p><p>"They don't want us for anything like that," Rose says. "They're arriving here tomorrow. They want to talk to Poe."</p><p>Poe's chest tightens. "And what do they want to talk about? Besides the obvious?"</p><p>"They want to talk to you about the last six months," she tells him. "Because they know what happened on the <em>Ruthless</em>." She takes a deep breath. "Poe, they're investigating whether or not to court martial you."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don't worry too much, friends-it's me, and I am overwhelmingly a more positive writer than dark and angsty!  I have also completely caught up to myself, so I will try to update on weekends for these last three chapters. I am now teaching both in-person and remotely and it is unbelievably hard and exhausting - I generally don't want to touch my computer when I get home, so I'll be writing on my off days! As always, thank you for reading - every comment keeps me going as this story has turned out much bigger than I thought it would! Thank you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Sixteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> Sixteen </span>
</p><p>Poe doesn't sleep well that night.</p><p>As they set aside their meal and stand to leave, Finn suggests that Poe go back to his own room to sleep, but Poe is comfortable in the medical ward and that kind of change the night before the possibility of a court martial is not something he wants to deal with. Finn then hesitantly asks if Poe wants to spend the night with him. Poe is tempted: it had been a good night, their sort-of first date, and he wants to be with Finn, but the timing is wrong. He needs his space, to get ready for the next day.</p><p>They return to Poe's room in the medical ward and talk through every possible question the New Republic might ask. When Finn starts to doze off in his chair, Poe sends him to bed and stays up, writing down as much as he can remember, researching as much as he can so that he is caught up on New Republic policy and politics. He tries to sleep, but it is restless dozing, and he wakes up late but still tired.</p><p>The representatives from the New Republic—Ransolm Casterfo and the new senator from Hevurion, Neevi En-Garrin—don't arrive until mid-afternoon, which leaves Finn a nervous wreck for most of the day. Poe, on the other hand, grows calmer the more anxious Finn becomes, until he finds he's ready to meet the situation head on. Clearly, there will be consequences from his time on the <em>Ruthless</em>. At least now he can finally start to face them.</p><p>The meeting goes both better than he expected, and worse. He's not sure what to think as he walks up to Finn's quarters, where they are meeting with Rose, Kin and Kaydel. The New Republic had wanted to speak with Finn and Poe alone; Harter Kalonia insisted on being present as Poe's physician to answer questions about his mental health, and Rey was only allowed in because she refused to leave. It had been a long and trying afternoon, but at least it is over. Poe is not looking forward to telling the others about it, particularly given Finn and Rey's reactions.</p><p>"I can't believe them!" Rey exclaims the moment the door shuts behind her. She swears under her breath as she paces Finn's quarters, more agitated than Poe is used to seeing.</p><p>Finn is unusually silent, alarmingly so. Poe can feel the anger simmering in the other man, the explosion waiting to happen. And Poe can't blame him or Rey for being outraged. Normally, he'd be the one in Rey's place, cursing as he paced the room, kicking things over; occasionally he's been in Finn's place as well, silently stewing. Poe is surprised he's not more upset. Part of it is that Rey and Finn are already angry for him, and one of them needs to stay calm, so he's stuck with the job. And the other part of it is that he understands: it's a resigned acceptance of something he knew might happen.</p><p>That doesn't mean he's any less disappointed that it actually did.</p><p>Rose and Kin are standing close, and Poe wonders if something is going on there. He's only seen them a few times since returning, and Finn hasn't said anything, but there's a definite sense that something is different than before. He'll have to ask, if he has a chance. He wonders what, if anything, the others are thinking about him and Finn. Poe's ring still hangs from Finn's neck, and seeing it there grounds him as chaos swirls around him. No matter what happens, he still has Finn…he hopes.</p><p>Kaydel frowns at Rey as she practically stomps around the room, then glances at Finn, who is silently glowering out the window. "What happened?" she finally asks. "Because it obviously wasn't good."</p><p>"It's ridiculous!" Rey explodes. "They don't know what they're talking doing."</p><p>"No, I think they do," Poe tells them, however reluctant. "It's like I said on the <em>Organa</em>, Rey—they have to be smart, careful."</p><p>"They're wrong," Finn says, his voice flat as he turns around. "You know they're wrong."</p><p>"No, I don't," Poe tells him. "I don't like it, but I understand it."</p><p>"Will someone tell us what's going on?" Rose demands. "So we can be mad too, maybe?"</p><p>Kaydel quirks a smile at the unexpected impatience. Poe nods, runs a hand over his face as he finds a chair and throws himself into it, leaning forward with elbows on his knees. He can see the scars on his left arm from the procedures he went through from the imprint process and pulls his sleeve down, hating the reminder of it. Glancing up at the others, he starts with the good news, if it can be called that.</p><p>"The New Republic wanted to know everything that I could tell them about the First Order," he tells them. "Because they're planning to go after them, wipe out that last Star Destroyer before it picks up where the <em>Ruthless </em>left off. And they want our help."</p><p>"Doesn't sound so bad," Kin offers, exchanging a confused look with Rose. "We been trying to get them to act for almost a year now!"</p><p>"Well, there's a catch," Poe says, and he leans back with a sigh. "I'm out of the game. I don't get to play with the cool kids anymore." He offers a half smile that makes Rey huff and the others only more confused.</p><p>"What do you mean?" Rose asks. "They're not actually going to court martial you, are they?"</p><p>"No." Poe breathes a sigh of relief, because even if it had been a long shot, he had still been worried about it. "But they—"</p><p>"They don't trust him." Finn turns and stalks over, eyes furious. "The entire Senate knows what happened."</p><p>"What happened to Poe?" Kaydel asks with a frown.</p><p>Poe nods. "They know everything—what happened with the program, what I did while I was part of it." He looks down at his hands, unable to meet anyone's eyes, especially when he hears Kaydel suck in a breath and Rey mutter again.</p><p>"Who told them?" Kin demands. "We've barely told anyone outside this room—"</p><p>"It wasn't anyone in the Resistance," Poe soothes him, all of them. "They had it from the other side. From the officers on the <em>Ruthless</em>. It was never going to stay secret, and they were pretty mad we weren't upfront about it."</p><p>"About you being tortured and forced to stand like a puppet on the bridge of a Star Destroyer?" Finn asks. "It's none of their damn business, that's why."</p><p>"Finn, we've talked about this," Poe sighs. They had—from the moment he'd locked himself up on the <em>Organa</em>, he'd tried to make them all understand that there would be consequences. That not only was he worried about any lasting influence of the imprint—and still is—but that other people might not be able to look past what had happened to him, what he had done. "And you know how hard it is to get the New Republic to listen to half the things we say. I don't know why you're surprised—any of you."</p><p>"Poe, I still don't understand," Rose tells him. She sits down on the sofa nearby, leans toward him and touches his knee. "Why don't you tell us what happened?"</p><p>Poe nods, but takes his time gathering his thoughts. Finn pulls up a chair next to him and Kaydel sits down next to Rose; Rey remains standing with Kin.</p><p>"Ransolm Casterfo and Neevi En-Garrin were sent as representatives of the New Republic to deal with—well, with me. Casterfo's an ally—look at the <em>Organa</em>—but En-Garrin, not as much." Poe grimaces as another piece of his history returns to haunt him. "She's the senator for Hevurion. I have history with them—and not good history."</p><p>"Yeah, she did <em>not</em> like you," Finn says. "What's the story?"</p><p>"I stole the last Senator's ship." Poe shrugs. "Leia's orders, because he was in collusion with the First Order. We tracked down his ship, managed to board it—at the time, he thought we were pirates. We got away with the ship and found all the evidence we needed, plus some information on Luke Skywalker. So it was good for us, but not for them. They've been pissed ever since they realized the truth."</p><p>Finn nods. "Makes sense, now. She definitelyhad it in for you."</p><p>"Not the first time I've ended up on someone's bad side," Poe tells him. "Anyway—she's the one who pushed things. Casterfo was the voice of reason. I talked to him afterward, he said that's why he came—to make sure she didn't take it too far." Poe meets their eyes. "She really did come here hoping to court marital me."</p><p>"What?" exclaims Kaydel. Kin makes a disgusted sound.</p><p>"No worries, I'm a free man," Poe tells them dryly.</p><p>"Stop joking about it," Finn snaps. "Because you're not, not really."</p><p>"Finn—"</p><p>Finn turns to the others. "Poe's giving them to much credit. En-Garrin was a kriffing bastard about it. Laid into Poe over and over, asking all sorts of horrible questions…" He trails off, clearly too upset to say anything else. "I don't know how you didn't go after her," he admits.</p><p>"I don't know either," Poe replies, shaking his head. "I guess watching you and Rey and Kalonia get madder and madder on my behalf made it easier to sit back and watch. She was harsh, I admit. But it was also fun to see how much it infuriated her—she wanted me to mouth off, you know. That's my reputation, and if I had thrown a fit, they'd have even more to hold against me."</p><p>"And you agree with them," Finn states flatly.</p><p>"Not with a court martial!"</p><p>"But with the rest?"</p><p>"I didn't say I agree." Poe's voice is sharp, and he pulls back immediately. "I understand." He turns back to the others. "Anyway—between the four of them, they managed to talk her out of a court martial. Which was when we got to the other reason they wanted to talk to me—what did I know about the First Order that they could use? Because like I said—they're going after them. Finally."</p><p>Rey turns. "And you should be there. You gave them the information, you know it better than anyone. You're our leader, our general!"</p><p>Poe tries not to cringe at the title. If it's one thing the First Order took that he's not sure he'll ever get back, it's his role as General. He was a General in the First Order, and every time someone calls him that, he thinks about the grey uniform and cap and shudders. He wants to return to the Resistance, to stand by Finn's side, yet at the same time, he's not sure he wants to be called General Dameron ever again.</p><p>"Why don't they want you involved?" Rose asks quietly. Bless her, she's so quiet and caring. Poe focuses on her, rather than the anger and resentment around him.</p><p>"They want Finn to lead the Resistance forces. A well-planned incursion into the Uncharted territories. The plan is to take out the last destroyer, the <em>Relentless</em>. There are also a few smaller bases and bolt holes, and the beginning of a new shipyard out past Itarra. They're finally recognizing that we can't leave anything behind, or it will keep coming back, year after year, generation after generation."</p><p>"They're right," says Kin. "I can't believe it's only taken thirty-five years to realize it!"</p><p>"But they told Poe he has to stay here. He's pretty much under planetary arrest." Finn shakes his head. "They don't trust him. It's like they think he's going to give us up to whatever's left of the First Order out there!"</p><p>"Kalonia and I both spoke out," Rey chimes in. "As a physician and a Force-user. But that woman was horrid!"</p><p>Poe nods. "Like I said, Casterfo did what he could. But he said there's a few other people in the Senate who don't want a former First Order general leading the Resistance anymore."</p><p>"You're not a former First Order general!" Finn explodes, jumping up. "Dammit, it wasn't you! And no matter how many times we tried to explain the program, she refused to believe."</p><p>Poe sits silently, staring at the floor as Finn turns toward the others. He tries not to rub at his arm as Finn talks about the imprint program.</p><p>"En-Garrin is the worst kind of politician—she's got a personal grudge with Poe, so her mind was made up before she even got here. She didn't care that he was given an imprint, that it wasn't some brainwashed version of Poe but literally <em>not him</em> standing on that bridge and giving orders. She just wanted him to go down, all for something he didn't do." Finn is so agitated that Poe feels bad for him. He looks away as Finn continues, because Finn is also right.</p><p>"I'll give him credit—Casterfo stood up for us, for Poe." Finn shakes his head. "I'd heard things about him, about what he did to Leia, but he believed us, convinced her she didn't have a case. But he also proposed the compromise."</p><p>"Which was that Poe remains behind?" Rose asks.</p><p>"En-Garrin wanted him in binders on the flagship!" Finn snaps. "Like a kriffing prisoner!"</p><p>"Casterfo talked her into letting me stay here," Poe tells them with a shrug. "It's better than being locked up."</p><p>"You shouldn't have agreed," Finn tells him. "You should have pushed harder."</p><p>"And given them even more reason to doubt me?" Poe asks. "No, because if had, they'd have pushed back even more, and I might very well be thrown in the brig!"</p><p>"But it wasn't you!" Finn exclaims. "Poe, <em>you </em>didn't do those things! You've got to accept that if you're going to move on!"</p><p>Poe registers a small gasp, probably from Kaydel. Rey moves closer to them as Poe stands and waves his finger in Finn's face, defensive anger flaring in his chest.</p><p>"I <em>know</em> I didn't do those things, Finn!" he snaps back, his voice loud and harsh. "But that doesn't mean I don't <em>feel</em> like I did them. I remember them as if I did."</p><p>"But you didn't," Finn insists. "Poe, you are a general with the Resistance, not the First Order! You should be leading us against them!"</p><p>"What, to get some kind of revenge?" Poe asks. "I took down the program, the woman who ran it, and the rest of the ship. Isn't that enough?"</p><p>"You can't give up," Finn tells him. Poe is vaguely aware that Rose, Kin, and Kaydel are leaving, but he tries to stay focused on the issue before him. He's not sure what it is, why Finn is so angry at <em>him</em>, but he does feel the need to defend himself, and to make Finn see why it's not as bad as he thinks.</p><p>"I'm not giving up," Poe tells him. It stings, that Finn would think so, that he doesn't understand. "And I'm sorry if this is not how you thought it would go, but this is how it is. I was compromised up there, Finn. I know it, and you know it, and they know it. The difference is that everyone but you has accepted it!"</p><p>"No, I don't accept what they're doing," Finn tells him, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "And I don't understand why you do. It's not like you to walk away."</p><p>"And it's not like you to stop believing in the people you care about!"</p><p>Finn looks like he's been slapped, and Poe feels even worse. Maybe they are both right, in a way. He turns away, takes a deep breath because he doesn't want to fight with Finn. He senses Rey nearby; apparently, she didn't sneak out with the others. She is much calmer than she was earlier, now that it is her turn to play the voice of reason. She touches Finn on the arm, pulls Poe back toward them.</p><p>"Finn," she says in a quiet voice. "We can't blame Poe. It's not his fault. None of this is his fault."</p><p>Finn looks at Rey, and his face crumples before he turns back to Poe. "Why aren't you fighting harder?" he whispers. "I don't want to lose you again. I can't do this without you."</p><p>Rey sighs as she reaches out to squeeze Poe's hand, places a hand on Finn's shoulder, then leaves the room without another word. An awkward silence descends between them, and Poe hates it. It isn't supposed to be like this.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he says, at the same moment Finn says, "Poe, I—wait, what?"</p><p>"I'm sorry," Poe repeats. He offers a shaky smile, a forced veneer glossing over his own pain and heartbreak. "I'm sorry this happened, and that it's hurt you so much. I'm sorry I can't…well, that I can't be what you want me to be right now."</p><p>"Poe, I don't want you to be anything but yourself!" Finn exclaims. He steps closer, his hands moving as if he wants to reach out but doesn't know how yet. "And I'm the one who should be apologizing—for what I said, for pushing too hard."</p><p>"It's okay—I get it, I do, and I probably need it sometimes. But…" He trails off, runs a hand through his hair as he looks anywhere but at Finn. His glance falls on the empty sofa, and he shakes his head.</p><p>"But…?" asks Finn.</p><p>"I can't believe they all left!" Poe motions to the sofa. "Can we sit down?"</p><p>They sit side by side, though Finn apparently feels the need to sit farther away than Poe likes, so he moves over until their legs are touching. Finn looks at him, studies him, then reaches over for his hand. They sit silently for a moment.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Finn says softly. "I was out of line."</p><p>"I understand why you feel that way," Poe tells him. "But I'm okay with this because they have a point. They're only trying to keep the fleet safe. And you can lead them on your own."</p><p>"That doesn't mean I want to," Finn tells him. "We're a team, you know. Or do you not remember us escaping a second Star Destroyer together and then flying straight into the damn thing to blow it up?"</p><p>Poe laughs again, the tension easing. "No, I remember. We're an amazing team. But you can do this—you already have! You don't need me around."</p><p>"What if I want you around?" Finn asks, the hint of a smile pulling at his lips.</p><p>Poe sighs. "It's not that I don't want to be around, but I think one reason I'm not as upset as you and Rey is because…well, I don't feel ready. They want to launch a major offensive against the First Order within days, but I've barely been back a week. I know I'll work this out, I will—but I haven't yet. I need more time." It's strange, recognizing his own needs for once.</p><p>Finn has always been perceptive and empathetic, and he frowns as if he senses something. "What are you really saying?"</p><p>"Finn, I know you want me to be myself, but it's hard, because things have changed. <em>I've </em>changed," Poe tells him. "And I have to figure that out, who I am after spending six months as a different person. So the New Republic basically firing me? It's okay right now. You can lead the fleet, and I can…" He trails off as a thought occurs to him. It feels so right his whole body suddenly relaxes, and he smiles, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. "I can go home."</p><p>What feels so perfect to him causes Finn to drop his hand and back off. "What? You're going to leave?"</p><p>"Finn, I haven't been home for almost a year. I've only talked to my dad once since I got back, and it would be so good to see him. I think…" He nods, smiles again. "I think it's what I need to do. It's good to be back, but at the same time, maybe if I can get away, I can work this out better. Figure out what comes next."</p><p>Finn's shoulders have slowly slumped, until he is hunched over, his eyes downcast. He stares at the ground, shakes his head. "I can't believe you're leaving," he murmurs. "I just found you, and now I'm going to lose you again."</p><p>"Finn!" Poe exclaims, forcing him to sit up, to face him. "I'm not leaving you, I'm not even leaving for good. You're not losing me, I promise." He reaches out for the ring around Finn's neck and takes it in his hand, fingers gently caressing the warm metal. "Unless you want to back out now," he says. "Because I'd understand, I'm not—"</p><p>Finn surges forward and kisses him. Poe is so surprised he gasps before leaning into it, reveling in the feel of Finn's lips against his, Finn's obvious answer. "Forget it," Finn growls, breaking the kiss too soon. "You're not getting rid of me that easy."</p><p>Poe laughs somewhat breathlessly. "I'm not trying to get rid of you, just making sure…it could be a while. You've got things to do here, and I don't know how long I'll be on Yavin IV."</p><p>"I could go with you," Finn says, before Poe can continue. "They don't need me here. We could go together. I could see your home, meet your father…" He trails off with a sigh. "You're gonna say no, aren't you."</p><p>"They do need you here," Poe tells him. "You know they do. And when you finish whatever the New Republic needs you to do, when you wipe out every last remnant of the First Order, then maybe you can take a break, get away. Meet me on Yavin IV."</p><p>"You're sure?" Finn asks. His eyes are bright, and Poe swallows a lump in his throat, because unexpectedly, he's saying goodbye. He'd never thought it would happen, and yet, he knows deep down it won't be forever, so he's not worried. He will see Finn again. They will be together.</p><p>"More than anything," he murmurs. He takes Finn's hands, kisses his knuckles. "I'm already looking forward to it."</p><p>"Poe, I don't know—"</p><p>Poe kisses him, lets his hands roam. It's as if the decision has freed him from his worries: Finn will lead the Resistance, Poe will return to Yavin IV, and they will meet afterward to be together. He doesn't know when and he doesn't know what he'll do, yet he knows it's what meant to happen, and he believes with his entire heart that it will. He deepens the kiss, and Finn groans against him, until suddenly he's pulling back, a serious look in his eyes.</p><p>"You remember what I said up there, when I found you?" Finn asks, and Poe nods, his heart full.</p><p>"I remember," he says.</p><p>"Then don't forget," Finn replies. "Because I do."</p><p>"I know," Poe murmurs. "And I love you, too."</p><p>This time Finn moves closer, pulls him in for another kiss. "Then you'll stay here tonight?"</p><p>Poe stands, takes Finn's hand once more, kisses him before leading him toward the bedroom. "Finn, I'll stay with you forever."</p><p>He means it more than any words he's ever spoken and cannot wait for their future to begin.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Nail biter for me, here. Please don't throw stones-this is where this story was always going. Because it makes the next chapter one of my favorites! I wrote parts of it months ago, but now I have to fit them all together. Guess I better get on that so I can update next weekend! Thank you for reading, I really appreciate all the support!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u"> Seventeen </span>
</p>
<p>Finn is excited.</p>
<p>He's on an unfamiliar planet, with no idea what he's going to say or do, where he's even going to spend the night. Yavin IV is beautiful, yet strange—similar to Ajan Kloss, but with an actual colony, a community. And the ruins: even from the air, they looked both amazing and intimidating. He can feel the sense of history here, of life and culture, and he is excited to explore it, to learn it, to spend time in this place he's heard so much about.</p>
<p>It's been almost two months since he last saw Poe. A long, lonely two months. Most of it was spent on a cruiser with Rose and Kin, and while he loves Rose like a sister, watching her relationship deepen had only reminded him of his own separation. Rey had flown with them, and the X-wing squadrons, and Finn had worked nonstop alongside them, helping to take down the remnants of the First Order with the New Republic. Yet every day he'd missed Poe more.</p>
<p>They've been apart before, on missions both long and short, particularly in the months they'd spent trying to set up the Sentinel program, their proposal for keeping watch at the borders. (There is still a part of Finn that resents the New Republic for ignoring them, because Poe was taken by the First Order, lurking in the Unknown Territories, and the Sentinel program might have been able to stop them before it grew so large.) The difference was that one of them hadn't remained on Ajan Kloss while the other had been on other side of the galaxy. Poe had left the Resistance behind, while Finn helped lead the fleet alone.</p>
<p>And it had never felt quite right: something had been missing, every single day. Every time they took out another remnant of the First Order, Finn had wanted more than anything for Poe to be by his side, celebrating the victory. He called Poe afterward, and at first it had been strained: Poe had seemed as if he, too, wanted to be there, continuing the fight he'd been a part of for years before he met Finn. He'd been supportive, yet also sad, and Finn frequently wondered if he shouldn't tell Poe about his mission.</p>
<p>Yet he did, because Poe deserved to know, to remain a part of it all. And as they continued to talk over the weeks, Finn had seen a change in Poe. He'd started to smile more, grown more excited to hear about the latest sortie, another success. Finn couldn't count the number of times Poe had expressed his pride in Finn and the others. It was heartwarming, yet also heartbreaking, because he couldn't share it with Poe, not in person.</p>
<p>Poe was clearly healing, and Finn had been glad for him, yet he'd also missed being a part of that, of being there with Poe on such a difficult journey. And deep down, he'd missed Poe being there for him. Finn knows he has some things he still has to work through, injuries and battles and losses. The Force and the darkness he touched in his desperate need to find Poe. He is looking forward to being with Poe again and hopes to begin his own healing journey, together this time.</p>
<p>The Dameron homestead is nothing like what Finn imagined, even after hearing Poe talk about it. There are several buildings on a large patch of land, cleared of the jungle but still green and wild and beautiful, framed by tall mountains. Two of the buildings look older, while the others—including a larger one that Finn suspects is a hangar or garage of some sort—appear newer. They form a loose circle around the open clearing where Finn stopped with his speeder. To his right is a tree that Finn can <em>feel </em>without even looking at it. It must be the Force tree Poe told him about, and he is drawn to it, moving forward almost subconsciously, until movement from one of the buildings catches his eye.</p>
<p>A man is standing on a porch, holding a mug in his hands as he gazes out at the surrounding trees. It is not Poe but an older version of Poe that can only be his father, and Finn is unexpectedly nervous. He had hoped to be introduced, but as Poe is nowhere to be seen, he will have to meet Kes Dameron on his own.</p>
<p>He takes a breath and walks away from the tree, toward the porch where the man has now seen him and is waiting. The man is smiling, though as Finn approaches, he pulls himself up straight and suddenly his face is more serious. Finn swallows, feeling like a teenager about to get a dress down from his commander.</p>
<p>"Good morning," Finn offers as he stops at the bottom of the steps, not wanting to invite himself up.</p>
<p>"It usually is around here," the man replies enigmatically. He takes a sip from his mug and doesn't say anything more.</p>
<p>"Er, yes—it's beautiful," Finn replies. Why is he suddenly so unsure of what to say? Because he's meeting Poe's father? Because he's meeting Kes Dameron, decorated Pathfinder from the Rebellion? Both? "Um, I'm—"</p>
<p>"I know who you are," the man says. His eyes slip down, and Finn is sure that the man has seen the ring around Finn's neck—Poe's ring, that he's worn since the day BB-8 gave it to him, and that Poe told him to keep. "Just like you know who I am."</p>
<p>"Yes, sir," Finn murmurs. "Of course, sir. Then you probably know why I'm here, so—"</p>
<p>"Actually, I don't," the man says. Finn <em>thinks</em> there is a hint of a smile around the man's lips, but he can't he sure. Poe can't keep a straight face to save his life; apparently, he did not inherit his father's sabaac face, then. "Why don't you go ahead and tell me. And introduce yourself after all."</p>
<p>Finn frowns, feels like he's being played with and doesn't like it. He wants to make a good impression on Poe's father, but more importantly, he wants to see Poe. Not play games. "As I tried to say a moment ago, <em>sir</em>," he says, cringing at the sharpness in his voice, "my name is Finn. I'm with the Resistance, and I'm here to see Poe."</p>
<p>The man sets aside his mug and walks down the steps, studies him for a long time. Finn holds his gaze until suddenly the other man grins, and his eyes crinkle at the corners exactly like Poe's eyes. He steps forward and pulls Finn into a rough and completely unexpected embrace, laughing at the shocked expression on Finn's face.</p>
<p>"Of course you are, Finn," he says, standing back and smiling. He looks completely different now, open and relaxed, and Finn wonders if he passed some sort of test. "I'm Kes, Poe's dad, and I've been hoping to meet you. Took you long enough!"</p>
<p>"Uh, sorry, sir," Finn tells him, stepping back and hoping he doesn't appear as confused as he feels. "I was with the New Republic, we were—"</p>
<p>"Yes, yes," Kes says, waving Finn's answer away. "I know all about that. I assume it's all over now? For good, this time?"</p>
<p>"I hope so," Finn tells him fervently. He is well and truly tired of the First Order and its never-ending remnants. He hopes the New Republic considers his continued push for the Sentinel program, so that they don't have to do this again in another thirty years.</p>
<p>"Good! Poe is going to be so glad to see you!" Kes smiles softer this time, places his hand on Finn's shoulder and squeezes. "You're a good man, Finn—or so I've heard. I look forward to getting to know you."</p>
<p>"Er, thank you." Finn still feels like he hasn't found his footing. Kes shakes his head, laughs through his nose. "Is he around? Poe?"</p>
<p>"He's out in the hangar, over there." Kes points across the clearing toward the larger building. "Working on a ship, like always. Hasn't changed a bit since he was a kid, always tinkering!"</p>
<p>Finn glances at the hangar, and his feelings must show on his face, because Kes sighs next to him. "Go see him, Finn. He's doing quite well, and he'll be thrilled you're here. We'll catch up later." Finn thinks the older man winks, though he's not sure.</p>
<p>Finn gazes at the hangar again, then back to Kes. He holds out his hand as he finally starts to get a hold of his nerves. "Thank you, sir. It's nice to meet you."</p>
<p>"You too, Finn," he says, heading back up to the small porch to grab his mug and head inside. "I'll get a bed ready for you."</p>
<p>Finn's eyes snap up in surprise. He hadn't thought much about where he was going to stay, although he'd hoped he could stay with Poe. He'd almost forgotten that Poe lived with his dad. "Oh, that's okay, I can…um…"</p>
<p>"Sleep in a tree?" Kes suggests dryly. "I don't think so. Go see Poe, Finn. He'll probably want you to bunk with him anyway." He snorts as he turns back and goes inside. Finn's not sure whether to be slightly embarrassed or completely mortified.</p>
<p>He crosses the clearing, setting aside the call of the Force tree. The hangar is wide open in the front, and there is an A-wing taking up most of the space. It looks old, though Poe's clearly worked on it. It's painted in greens and blues, completely different than Poe's black X-wing, and Finn wonders about the unusual colors. There is music playing from somewhere, and an off-key whistle accompanying it. Finn stands outside, listening, waiting, trying to work up the confidence to step inside.</p>
<p>BB-8 sees him first, zooms over to him trilling happily. Finn's heart smiles to see the little droid. Who would have thought he'd miss an astromech so much? He crouches down, rubs BB-8's dome, then glances up to find Poe staring at him from the back of the ship, the look on his face so joyful and surprised that for a moment, Finn feels like they're meeting again on the tarmac on D'Qar. He clears his throat, tries to speak, but nothing comes out.</p>
<p>Poe drops his hydrospanner and hurries toward Finn, who stands and speeds up to meet him. They embrace halfway, literally spinning around and almost falling over. Before Finn can say anything, Poe steps back, gazing at him with wonder.</p>
<p>"What are you doing here?" Poe asks. "You should have said you were coming, I could have met you in town! Wait, is everything okay?" Finn can feel Poe's sudden concern. "You're not here because something's wrong, are you? Is everyone okay…Rey…"</p>
<p>Finn shakes his head. "No, everyone is fine. I'm here for me. Well, for you. On that break we talked about," he amends, feeling ridiculously inarticulate. "I wanted to surprise you. Hope that's okay?"</p>
<p>Poe's smile is so sincere that Finn almost melts. He pulls Finn into another embrace. "It's the best surprise I've had in weeks," Poe murmurs. Finn holds him tight, inhales the very scent of him, revels in the feeling of Poe's arms, his shoulders, his hair—</p>
<p>"Hey, your hair's growing out!" Finn says, running a hand through Poe's hair. He looks <em>good, </em>content. Poe ducks and grins, then leans in for a kiss. He raises an eyebrow just before their lips meet, as if asking permission. Finn rolls his eyes and kisses him first. His arms come up around Poe's neck, and Poe pulls them flush together. It has been a long time, yet it feels as natural as it did before they parted, and even more perfect. It's a while before they stop to breathe.</p>
<p>"So when did you get here?" Poe asks. His hands are moving up and down Finn's arms and chest, as if he's checking him over, making sure Finn is okay. "How long are you going to stay? I haven't heard from you for a few days, thought maybe something had happened—"</p>
<p>"I told you, nothing happened." Finn laughs at the onslaught of questions. "I got here a few hours ago—took a transport and rented a speeder to get here." He gazes out at the mountains, deliberately avoiding Poe's other question on how long he's going to stay. There will be time to talk about that later. "It's beautiful, just as amazing as you said."</p>
<p>Poe steps back, his whole body relaxing again. "Yeah, it really is. I'd forgotten how much I loved it here. Although I'm afraid you might find Yavin 4 somewhat boring after the last two months!"</p>
<p>"I doubt it," Finn tells him. "It's been a hard two months but this…this is perfect."</p>
<p>"It is now," Poe murmurs, sneaking in a kiss at the corner of his mouth. "So, have you met my dad yet?"</p>
<p>"He told me where you were," Finn replies. "He's great, Poe. Intimidating as hell, but great."</p>
<p>Poe laughs. "Yeah, I wish I'd been there to introduce you. He gave you a hard time, didn't he?"</p>
<p>"A little," Finn admits. "Hopefully I didn't embarrass myself too much."</p>
<p>"Well, you're still here, so you must have said something right. I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm a teenager again!" He shakes his head, stops with a soppy smile on his face as he runs a hand along Finn's jaw. "It is <em>so</em> good to see you." He takes Finn's hand and pulls him toward the door. "Are you hungry? Tired? Do you want to—"</p>
<p>Finn laughs at Poe's attentiveness as they leave the hangar. "I'm fine, Poe. Really, I'm good."</p>
<p>"Yes, you are. And you're here." Poe squeezes his hand. "Thank you for coming," he says, his voice cracking. He clears his throat. "Come on, let me show you around."</p>
<p>And Finn follows, because he's finally come home.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Poe is content.</p>
<p>It's an unexpected feeling, if he's honest. He'd hoped to find some sort of closure and sense of normalcy when he came back home, yet he hadn't held high hopes. He loves his dad, but their relationship has had its fair share of ups and downs, and at first, Poe sometimes wondered whether coming home had been the right decision after all. Of course, he'd had nowhere else to go, and staying on Ajan Kloss while the rest of the fleet was fighting the First Order had felt wrong. Being forced out of the action had been the right decision, but it had still stung.</p>
<p>Returning to Yavin IV brought back all kinds of mixed feelings and complicated memories. He tried to settle on those that he held the closest: memories of his family and friends, of his mother, of flying. Of the forest jungle, the temple ruins, the people. Within a week he'd felt more at peace in his childhood home than he had thought he would, and though he missed the Resistance and missed Finn even more, he had remained. And slowly, he healed.</p>
<p>His experience with the First Order weighs less heavily on him, particularly as time goes by. He remembers what happened, but his fears that some part of the imprint might remain to take over grow less every day. He opens up to his dad (and wasn't that was one of the hardest things he's done) and begins to feel more like himself. He's not with the Resistance, he's not even flying again yet, but he's home, and somehow, being home restores something deep inside. He works outside, goes into the village more—much larger than he remembers—and finds the perfect ship to restore. All he needs now is for Finn to finish his mission with the New Republic—and maybe get his ship in the air.</p>
<p>Working on the old A-wing, Poe runs his arm across his forehead, pushing back the lone curl that's grown long enough to tickle his skin. He glances down at his left arm, at the mark that stains his skin in black ink. A starbird. It's been several weeks since he had it done by an old veteran in the village, and it's finally starting to feel normal, like it's always been there. Covering the ugly scars the First Order imprint had left, it had hurt like hell, but it reminds him that he is not what they made him. That he too can be reborn, like the starbird, reclaiming his destiny from the stars. Yes, he is different now: he still struggles with his doubts, is sometimes overwhelmed by guilt, but strength and determination remain. The starbird has always been a symbol of hope for him; now it is a reminder of courage and faith as well.</p>
<p>Poe sets down his tools for a drink, gazes around the building—both a garage and hangar—and thinks, <em>Not too shabby. </em>Hardly big enough for the ancient ship he'd picked up at Kartoosh, it nevertheless works perfectly for rebuilding something that had been little more than scrap metal. It'd taken a lot of bickering to get the old RZ-1 at a decent price, and Poe had barely made it back to Yavin in one piece. He's spent a month working on it, and it's almost ready for a test run. He can't wait to finish and get up in the air again, soaring through the sky with nothing but the touch of button, the shift of a lever. He turns on some music and takes one last look at the engine, adjusting it with careful precision as he thinks about how fast he'll be able to push it over the treetops of Yavin, just like when he was a kid.</p>
<p>It's not long before BB-8 lets out a happy trill and zooms away. Poe finishes tightening one last bolt, then steps around the back of the ship to see what's got his droid so excited. His stomach drops and his heart clenches when he sees Finn crouching down next to BB-8, and he grins as Finn stands, clears his throat. He seems nervous.</p>
<p>Poe drops his hydrospanner and hurries forward, meeting Finn halfway with a fierce embrace. It's so much like their reunion on D'Qar he almost laughs with joy.</p>
<p>"What are you doing here?" Poe exclaims. "You should have said you were coming, I could have met you in town! Wait, is everything okay?" He's suddenly worried: maybe Finn isn't nervous, maybe he has bad news. Because why would he be nervous around Poe, unless something had happened? "You're not here because something's wrong, are you? Is everyone okay…Rey…"</p>
<p>Finn shakes his head, and Poe breathes a silent sigh of relief. "No, everyone is fine. I'm here for me. Well, for you. On that break we talked about. I wanted to surprise you. Hope that's okay?"</p>
<p>Poe pulls Finn into another embrace, runs his hands down Finn's back, hoping the other man can relax now. "It's the best surprise I've had in weeks," he murmurs.</p>
<p>"Hey, your hair's growing out!" Finn suddenly exclaims, his fingers moving through Poe's curls. Poe smiles, shamelessly glad the other man noticed. He moves closer, asking a silent question first. Finn rolls his eyes in response and kisses him, his arms coming up around Poe's neck. It has been so long, but it's as perfect as the day they first kissed on Ajan Kloss. Poe could do this for hours, hopes that Finn stays long enough.</p>
<p>"So when did you get here?" Poe asks when they finally stop. He runs his hands up Finn's arms, over his chest, hoping the other man is okay after two months away. Finn is still wearing his ring, and Poe's fingers hover over it, his heart bursting to see it there. He is so proud—and a little relieved—that Finn continued to wear it. He has to force himself to focus instead of getting lost in the moment, in how good it looks against Finn's chest. "How long are you going to stay? I haven't heard from you for a few days, thought maybe something had happened—"</p>
<p>Apparently, it's too many questions at once, because Finn laughs. Force, Poe missed that sound, that smile. "I told you, nothing happened. I got here a few hours ago—took a transport and rented a speeder to get here." He turns to gaze out at the mountains that frame the horizon. Poe notices that Finn didn't say how long he was staying, hopes this is not a quick visit but their chance to finally spend time together. "It's beautiful, just as amazing as you said."</p>
<p>"Yeah, it really is. I'd forgotten how much I loved it here." And he does. Coming to Yavin IV had been hard, but also the best thing he could have done. "Although I'm afraid you might find Yavin 4 somewhat boring after the last two months!"</p>
<p>"I doubt it," Finn replies. "It's been a hard two months, but this…this is perfect."</p>
<p>"It is now." Poe can't resist sneaking in a kiss to punctuate the sappy sentiment. "So, have you met my dad yet?"</p>
<p>"He told me where you were," Finn says. "He's great, Poe. Intimidating as hell, but great."</p>
<p>Poe laughs, wondering about Finn's first meeting with his dad. "Yeah, I wish I'd been there to introduce you. He gave you a hard time, didn't he?"</p>
<p>"A little," Finn admits. "Hopefully I didn't embarrass myself too much."</p>
<p>"Well, you're still here, so you must have said something right. I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm a teenager again!" He shakes his head, thinking of his dad's never-ending overprotectiveness, but then smiles to himself, secretly glad for it. "It is <em>so</em> good to see you," he murmurs, running his fingers along Finn's jaw and wanting to kiss him senseless right there, right then. Instead, he takes Finn's hand and pulls him toward the door. "Are you hungry? Tired? Do you want to—"</p>
<p>"I'm fine, Poe," Finn laughs as they head out across the clearing. "Really, I'm good."</p>
<p>"Yes, you are. And you're here. Thank you for coming." His voice cracks, and he clears his throat. "Come on, let me show you around."</p>
<p>Poe leads him toward the main house, but Finn's steps slow down, his eyes drawn to the Force tree. Of course he is. Poe pulls him toward it, excited to finally share it. He's always loved the tree, even when his dad punished him by making him take care of it for a year. Poe feels a warmth envelop him every time he is near it, imagines a soft whispering in his mind. He knows he's not Force-sensitive, not like Finn, but the tree has always felt different to him, more alive. Magical.</p>
<p>They slow as they come nearer, and Finn gazes with awe at the tree before them, dropping Poe's hand and continuing forward alone. Poe watches, wonders what Finn sees, if he sees something more than the soft haze Poe imagines glimmering around the green leaves and thick trunk. Probably. Finn is strong with the Force, and the tree came from the same tree that once grew in the Jedi temple on Coruscant. Rey needs to see it someday, maybe they can—</p>
<p>"Give me your hand again," Finn says urgently, motioning Poe forward, then taking Poe's hand and holding tight. Poe feels a slow tingling work its way up his arm, strong and warm.</p>
<p>"Everything all right?" he asks, and Finn turns toward him, his eyes full of tears.</p>
<p>"Look," he says. "Look at the tree."</p>
<p>Poe looks, thinks he sees something, but surely that's not possible—that he would be able to see anything, that he would see—</p>
<p>Finn squeezes his hand tighter, as if willing Poe to accept it, to believe. Poe closes his eyes, shakes his head. Opens them again to see her still standing there, watching him with that fondly exasperated expression he remembers too well because she was <em>always</em> looking at him like that. Only this time, it breaks his heart.</p>
<p>"Leia?" he whispers, wanting to hope, yet not wanting to be heartbroken when he's wrong. She raises that familiar eyebrow.</p>
<p>"Were you expecting someone else?" she asks, and yes, Poe might have thought of his mother, though she wasn't a Jedi, but a pilot like him. Then again, neither is he, yet he can see Leia, standing before him in white, a warm glow blurring the air around her.</p>
<p>"No, but…" He glances at Finn, down at their hands, lets go…and he can still see her. His heart explodes with a sob, and he takes several steps forward, wanting to be closer, needing to be sure. "How?" he asks.</p>
<p>She looks up, shrugs. "Force tree. Jedi boyfriend. And I am just that good."</p>
<p>He turns to Finn, wondering about his reaction, but Finn is as moved as Poe feels, smiling at them both with so much love that Poe has to turn away, back to Leia.</p>
<p>"Okay, then…why?" He sighs, looks down before he meets her eyes. "Why now?"</p>
<p>"Oh, Poe," she says, and she moves forward until she is standing before him, close enough to touch though he doesn't dare reach out for fear that none of it is real, or that she will disappear. He's shaking anyway, couldn't hold his hand still if he tried.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry," she says. "For all you've been through, all you've lost." He nods, the lump in his throat too big to swallow. He cannot speak, and she continues with another sigh. "You bear so much on your shoulders-so much pain, so much guilt. Sometimes it's too much. I know, because I felt it, too."</p>
<p>He can only nod, the shame filling him yet again. He failed—and Leia is standing in his yard as a Force ghost, calling him on it.</p>
<p>She reaches out her hand, lays it on his arm. He feels her touch, warm and light and filled with peace and love. He sinks into it, lets it fill him. "And yet, there is so much strength in you," she says. "So much good, so much love. You don't even know what you're capable of, how far you can go. Poe, you were born to be a pilot, but you've grown into the leader the galaxy needs."</p>
<p>"Not anymore," he tells her. "And that's okay. Things are different now, I'm different. What they did, what they took—"</p>
<p>"Poe Dameron," she snaps, though without any rancor. "What happened to you was awful, and it's changed you, but they didn't <em>take</em> anything. It's all still there!" She pokes his chest with her finger, then smiles. "I'm sorry to snap, but you have to stop looking for something you never lost. You just need to <em>be</em>, to live, to love."</p>
<p>He stares at her until he finally shakes his head and laughs. "I hate it when you're right."</p>
<p>"At least you're acknowledging it," she says. "I thought for sure you would argue!"</p>
<p>"I can if you want," he offers, "since it's all a little cliché."</p>
<p>"I miss your arguing," she says. "Although not that much. Poe, I know you're still hurting, unsure…but you won't always feel this way. No matter how cliché it sounds. Look how far you've already come! You <em>are</em> the spark, Poe. A spark of hope. Of strength. Of perseverance." She looks at Finn and smirks. "Of love."</p>
<p>Poe doesn't know what to say, stares somewhat helplessly at Finn, who returns the look, wide-eyed. Leia huffs at them both, moves over toward Finn.</p>
<p>"And you, wearing this ring and yet walking in here suddenly so nervous. Finn!" She reaches for the ring, holds it in her glowing hands. "There was no doubt in my mind that from the moment I saw you two walk into my base together, this ring was going to be yours. I may have even put some money on it." Finn sputters, but Poe laughs heartily. Of course she did.</p>
<p>Leia steps back, her eyes sparkling merrily. She looks younger, somehow. Beautiful and ethereal and gods, does he miss her.</p>
<p>"I'm so proud of you both," she says. "For what you've done, for who you've become, for all you're still going to do and be. You should be proud, too." She motions them closer together, lays a hand on each of their arms. "Be together now. You've earned it."</p>
<p>Poe nods, his throat too tight to speak. She smiles and lays a hand on his cheek. "Poe Dameron, speechless. What a way to go."</p>
<p>"Go?" Finn asks, his voice cracking, which is more than Poe can manage.</p>
<p>"For now," she says. "Give your father my love, Poe—and Finn, tell Rey I'm sure I'll see her around. Then go enjoy the life you've fought so hard for. I'll be watching."</p>
<p>Poe places his hand over her ghostly fingers, and she squeezes his arm one last time before she turns to walk back toward the tree. His skin feels warm where she touched it, blossoms out to fill his entire being. She glances back at them, waves, and slowly disappears. Poe stares at if it was all a dream, wonders if it was. His arm tingles where she last touched him, and when he looks down, his chest heaves with a laughing sob.</p>
<p>"What is it?" Finn asks in concern, turning toward him and reaching out. "What—is that a tattoo?"</p>
<p>Poe nods, touches the starbird on his arm in wonder. "Yeah, I got it a few weeks ago," he tells Finn, then wipes his eyes and smiles. "But it didn't look like this. There wasn't any color."</p>
<p>Finn reaches out to touch the mark, outlined in black but now glowing fiery orange in the center. And there are two stars at the tips that weren't there before.</p>
<p>"It's amazing," Finn murmurs. "That was amazing. Everything—this tree—Leia—you—"</p>
<p>"Let me guess, it's amazing?" Poe teases. He pulls Finn into a long, passionate kiss, grinning against his lips the entire time. "So are you, you know." He takes Finn's hand. "And so are we. Come on, let's go inside. Follow orders for once and start enjoying this life we fought so hard for."</p>
<p>Poe has been back on Yavin for weeks, but as he leads Finn toward the house, he finally feels like he's home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope that was more satisfying than the last chapter! One more chapter to go, a short epilogue to wrap it all up. What a journey it's been! Thank you to mssrj_335 for a quick look at something, and thank you to everyone else for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Epilogue</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Finn can't help but watch as Poe works on his new ship—<em>their</em> new ship. It's only been a week since they found it, one of the only two-seat X-wings ever made by Incom. And it's a wreck, which is one reason they'd been able to get it at the auction: not many people wanted to rebuild a decades-old starfighter for two. And even then, it had still been above their combined savings, and it only was through Poe's unlikely relationship with Grakkus the Hutt that they'd been able to afford it. Apparently, they now owe the Hutt a favor, but as he has been trading favors with Grakkus for years, Poe isn't too worried. Probably because he's so excited to fix it and fly.</p>
<p>The ship has quite a history, and it shows in every dent, every scrape of peeled paint and missing wires. And yet, when it's fixed up, it's going to be spectacular, a one-of-a-kind vision of speed and power. Finn can feel the potential vibrating around them: he and Poe are going to make new history with this ship when they're done, and most of the time, Finn is just as excited as Poe.</p>
<p>Today he's nervous. Which is ridiculous, because he's also completely confident that he's doing the right thing, at the right time. He <em>is</em> worried it might not work, though—that maybe his idea is too sentimental and soppy, and Poe will find it over-the-top. Still, he's been wearing Poe's ring ever since Poe told him to keep it, back on the <em>Organa; </em>it only seems right that Poe have something of his own.</p>
<p>"Finn, you awake out there?" Poe shouts from the cockpit. "I'm going to give it a go and see what happens. You might want to stand back."</p>
<p>Finn scrambles out of the way. So far, they've had little luck with it, but maybe today is the day. He hopes so. It would make it that much more special.</p>
<p>Poe primes the engines and flips the switch, and Finn feels the change in the air as the X-wing come to life. He hears Poe give a whoop and a holler—and then the ship sputters and dies, with several loud pops that do not sound good at all. Finn sighs; maybe it isn't the right time after all.</p>
<p>Surprisingly enough, Poe bounds down the ladder with a grin, looking anything but discouraged. "We're almost there!" he exclaims. "I know exactly what's wrong. Come on." He grabs some tools and runs to the back. Finn takes a deep breath and follows. As Poe drops his tools and starts poking around in the engine, Finn decides this is the perfect set up. It's time.</p>
<p>"All right, I see it…can you hand me the sonic wrench?" Poe asks, his voice muffled. "And a few new microvalves?"</p>
<p>Finn takes the ring from his pocket. He hands Poe the wrench, but when Poe holds out his hand for the valves, he places the ring in the other man's palm instead, stepping back and waiting, his heart pounding.</p>
<p>Poe takes his head out of the engine and glances down at his hand. "I said I needed a microvalve. This is an old washer. Way too small."</p>
<p>Finn smiles, racing heart betraying his attempt to appear calm. "I hope not. It should fit you."</p>
<p>"Fit me?" Poe asks. He glances down at his hand, cocks his head. Looks up at Finn, his eyes drifting down to the necklace around Finn's neck. "Wait, is this—"</p>
<p>Finn pulls a chain from his pocket. "It is. I thought you might want one of your own."</p>
<p>The expression on Poe's face—mouth open and moving soundlessly, eyes wide as his gaze flits between Finn and the ring—is enough to break the spell for Finn. He's no longer nervous. Without a doubt, this is what their future is meant to be.</p>
<p>"So what do you think?" He waits with a patient smile.</p>
<p>"Finn, are you asking what I think you're asking?"</p>
<p>Finn shakes his head. "Not exactly, no. Not yet, anyway."</p>
<p>Poe's eyes flicker wide-eyed between Finn's face and the palm of his hand. "Okay, good, because it's only been a few months—</p>
<p>"—and I'm not suggesting we run off to the Galsol strip or something. You gave me this—" Finn clasps the ring around his own neck— "as a way of saying you'd found the person you wanted to be with. So now I'm doing the same."</p>
<p>Poe frowns. "But what about the Resistance? You haven't been back yet, they could use your help!"</p>
<p>"They're doing fine without me," Finn says. "Although they could use us both, you know."</p>
<p>"Have you actually thought about this?"</p>
<p>"Lots of time for thinking here, Poe." Finn grins, but Poe shakes his head, as if Finn confirmed some important point.</p>
<p>"Exactly – you should be out there, back in the galaxy, making a difference!"</p>
<p>"So should you!" Finn exclaims. "We can go together!"</p>
<p>"Together as in—" Poe wiggles his empty fourth finger.</p>
<p>"Maybe someday." Finn steps forward and takes the ring from Poe's hand, slips it onto the chain and lets it curl back in Poe's hand. "For now, I hope you'll wear this with as much pride as I wear yours."</p>
<p>Poe is still staring, still speechless. A sliver of doubt begins to settle in the corner of Finn's mind, that maybe it's too soon, he's pushed too hard, too fast. And then suddenly he's being kissed to within an inch of his life, Poe's arms pulling him close. Just as Finn leans into it, Poe breaks the kiss, grinning breathlessly. He steps back and slips the chain over his neck, holds it between his fingers as he smiles down at it.</p>
<p>"Looks a lot like my mom's," he says quietly. "Where did you get it?"</p>
<p>Finn rubs at his hair, a habit he's picked up from Poe in the last few months. "It's from that TIE fighter we used to get off the <em>Ruthless</em>. Nicked it before I headed out here."</p>
<p>"What?" Poe is even more speechless than before, and it is a moment before he speaks, clearly touched. "Finn, that's…this is…I don't even know what to say."</p>
<p>This time Finn moves closer, pulls him into an embrace. "You're wearing it," he murmurs against Poe's ear. "That's all I need." He moves his hand down to touch it against Poe's chest. "And it looks good. Suits you." He smiles, and they kiss again, and Finn is pretty sure it doesn't get any better than this.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Poe is pretty sure it doesn't get any better than this.</p>
<p>Finn has been on Yavin for almost two months now, and every time Poe asks him when he's going back to the Resistance, the other man only shrugs and smiles. Poe tried pushing it once, only to be distracted by Finn's lips, doing other inventive things besides avoiding the question. He's sent a few messages to Connix, even talked to Rey once when Finn was out on a run, but has only received enigmatic responses in reply. So, he gave up asking and decided to enjoy it, and it's been some of the best eight weeks of his life.</p>
<p>They somehow managed to track down one of the only tandem X-wings in existence, and Poe is so excited he can barely contain it. The thought of being up there again with Finn, flying amongst the stars together, motivates him to work long hours. And once again, Finn distracts him, talking him into things like eating and sleeping. Poe doesn't mind, though: it's wonderfully domestic, and there are days when he completely forgets about the Resistance.</p>
<p>This is definitely one of those days.</p>
<p>He looks down at the chain Finn's just given him, slipped easily over his neck without protest. Sometimes he can't believe Finn is still there with him, waking up beside him with a smile, falling asleep tangled together in their shared bed. Finn hadn't suggested anything more than wearing the ring as a symbol, but damn if Poe doesn't see more in their future. Of course he's going to wear it, until that day when they are ready for that next step.</p>
<p>So, maybe it will get better—that day.</p>
<p>For now, Poe enjoys the feeling of Finn's lips against his as they continue their kiss, alone in the hangar next to their beat-up old X-wing. Or maybe not so alone: he hears BB-8 nearby, trilling with a surprised beep. But BB-8 has rolled in on them in far more embarrassing positions, so Poe easily ignores the little droid. It is the sound of footsteps and a startled exclamation—followed immediately by a familiar groan—that ends it. Poe steps back, slightly dazed and breathless, to find Rey standing at the entrance to the small hangar, pretending to cover her eyes and peeking through her fingers.</p>
<p>"Why do I keep walking in you on doing that?" she asks, then drops her hands with a laugh as Finn bounds over, picks her up and spins her around with a shout of joy. Poe follows slowly, giving them their moment as he tries to straighten his shirt and finger-comb his hair back into place. Rey laughs again when he reaches them.</p>
<p>"You still look like you were…well, doing what you were doing," she tells him, then throws herself into his arms with an embrace that startles him: warm and tight, it is also relaxed and comfortable, somehow different than the woman he remembers leaving on Ajan Kloss.</p>
<p>"I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry," Poe laughs with her. "I assumed we were alone! What are you doing here? When did you get here? How long can you stay?"</p>
<p>Finn shakes his head as Rey's eyes widen. "He was the same way when I showed up," he tells her. "But they are good questions."</p>
<p>"First of all, everything is fine," she tells them. "I don't have bad news, so don't even ask. In fact, there's good news."</p>
<p>Poe puts an arm around her shoulder and leads her from the hangar. "I can't wait to hear it. My dad is out right now, but you can meet him later. And you need to see the Force tree, you won't believe how amazing it is."</p>
<p>She smiles at him resting her head on his shoulder for a moment. "Thanks, Poe," she says. "I can feel it calling, but it can wait." She glances behind her at the X-wing as they head toward the main house. "When did you get that?" she asks. "I've never seen anything like it! Where did you find it?"</p>
<p>"Picked it up at auction on Nar Shaddaa," Poe laughs. "Might be the only one out there. I don't think there was ever a big market for two-seat snubfighters, at least not in the New Republic."</p>
<p>She shakes her head as they step inside the house. "And now the two of you have one. The rest of the galaxy better watch out!"</p>
<p>"With this guy flying—yeah, they really should," Finn replies, his voice dry. Poe points playfully at him.</p>
<p>"Hey, you were just as excited as I was to find it. And you have to admit, getting off world was good, too."</p>
<p>"Nar Shaddaa was not my idea of a good time, but I am glad for the fighter." Finn turns to Rey and lowers his voice. "It's not a TIE, but it does bring back some memories."</p>
<p>"All good ones, I hope," Poe laughs. "And only two people wanted to kill me at the auction, so it wasn't that bad."</p>
<p>Finn rolls his eyes at Rey and holds up three fingers; Poe ignores the laughing and starts pouring them all a drink—koyo juice topped with a splash of a local bubbly wine. Rey raises an eyebrow. "What?" he asks, feigning innocence. "You're here, and you have good news. We should have a toast."</p>
<p>"You don't know what it is yet," she points out.</p>
<p>"Doesn't matter—you said it was good." He holds up his glass, his heart full. He thinks about the ring against his chest, and how good it is to see Rey. "To friends and family and good news all around." They raise their glass and take a sip. The drink is light and crisp, perfect for a warm Yavin day.</p>
<p>Rey looks back and forth between them, her eyes falling briefly on the ring now laying on Poe's chest. She raises an eyebrow in question, and he winks. She smiles broadly, and Poe knows they're made, but it's okay. Why shouldn't everyone know? He can't wait to tell his dad.</p>
<p>"All right, enough about us," he says, and Finn glances back and forth between them, confused. "What's the good news? How is everyone back at the base? Chewie doing all right? Rose and Kin still together? What about—"</p>
<p>Finn places a hand on Poe's arm. "Slow down and let her talk, one answer at a time!" He turns to Rey. "Starting with the first one. What brought you here?"</p>
<p>"Maybe I just wanted to visit you," she says with a laugh. "And I did, which is why I insisted on coming in person. Kaydel wanted to call, and it was hard to keep Jess from jumping in her ship and taking off, but I convinced them to wait and let me tell you." She sets down her drink and takes a deep breath. "The New Republic is taking up the proposal for the Sentinel program."</p>
<p>Poe frown, glances at Finn in confusion. They'd spent months before his disappearance trying to talk the Senate into funding a program to defend the borders of known space. To keep an eye out for the next First Order, the next Exegol. And every time, the proposal had been pushed aside, ignored, or rejected. So he and Finn had set out on their own, patrolling the borders and setting up a rudimentary system of contacts. It was how they had learned about the Rewrite program, how Poe had ended up a part of it—because he had been out there, trying to do something about it. He's not sure how he feels about the Sentinel program becoming a reality now, when it should have been up and running a year ago. Glad, yet also disappointed that it's happening after he's left.</p>
<p>Apparently, Finn feels something similar. He crosses his arms over his chest and tilts his head. "What do you mean, they're taking up the proposal?"</p>
<p>Rey frowns, glancing from Finn to Poe and back to Fin. "It means they've approved it. The program is being fully implemented—base of operations, heavyweight cruiser, two squadrons of X-wings and…" She trails off, her shoulders slumping, her expression confused. "I thought you'd be more excited."</p>
<p>Poe exchanges another quick look with Finn, then takes Rey by the arm and guides her to the living room. They sit down on the sofa while Finn sinks into the chair next to Rey, still looking skeptical. Poe sets his glass down and turns toward Rey, trying to stay positive. Hopeful. A base, a cruiser, and a dozen starfighters is something, after all.</p>
<p>"Tell us more. How many ships, how many people? Are we talking navy only or intelligence support as well? Who's running it and—"</p>
<p>Rey interrupts before he can finish. "They've offered an MC85 Star Cruiser, another Corvette alongside the <em>Organa</em>, two X-wing squadrons—should be T-85s, too—as well as a mixed squadron and a small medical transport. Plus a base of operations and the funding to set up the intelligence and communications network needed across the Outer Rim to make sure nothing slips by the recon ships and border patrol." She raises an eyebrow in challenge. "Sound like enough?"</p>
<p>Poe leans forward, knee bouncing as he fails to hold back a grin. He eyes her sideways. "It's a start."</p>
<p>"Poe!" she exclaims. "Do you have any idea—"</p>
<p>He touches her knee. "Yes, I do," he says. "I know exactly how much that is, and how much of a difference it will make." He jumps up and pumps his fist, unable to control his excitement any longer. "It's more than we ever expected. This is fantastic news!"</p>
<p>Rey looks relieved now that he's finally showing some excitement, but they both frown when they see Finn, looking decidedly <em>not</em> excited and even more skeptical. "What's wrong?" she asks. Finn takes his time to reply.</p>
<p>"It sounds good, in theory. Real good. But in practice…" He takes a deep breath and leans toward her. "Who's in charge? Because this was <em>our </em>idea, <em>our</em> program to run. And we were the ones out there, risking our lives when they wouldn't even listen to us. Now they're listening, but who have they given it to? Because it might not make a damn bit of difference if they put it in the wrong hands."</p>
<p>Rey glances at Poe, who nods slowly, reluctantly agreeing. Yes, he'd prefer to be in charge, because Finn is right: it was their plan from the beginning, and after all they've been through, they are the most qualified people in the galaxy to run it. But as long as someone is protecting the borders, Poe can at least breathe a small sigh of relief, and be proud that he did his part in helping to make it happen.</p>
<p>A slow smile creeps across Rey's face as she reaches into the small bag at her hip. She takes out two rank badges, handing the first one to Finn. "They want you to run it, General." And then she stands to hand the second one to Poe. "Both of you, <em>Admiral."</em></p>
<p>Finn is speechless, eyes wide as they flicker between Rey and the badge and then back to Rey. "Seriously?"</p>
<p>"Yes, seriously!" she exclaims. "Finn! What's wrong? I thought this was what you wanted?"</p>
<p>"Uh, well…" He trails off, looking at Poe with confusion and longing. Poe gets it, he does: they've enjoyed being together during their short time on Yavin. But Rey is also right: this is what they worked so hard for, suffered for so much. This is their chance to continue what they started, to <em>really</em> make a difference. He's so excited he could burst. He holds out his hand to Finn, who stands and takes it, clearly still unsure.</p>
<p>"This doesn't change a thing," Poe tells him quietly. "Not for us. We do this together, or not at all. We can tell them no and stay here, get that ship flying and see the galaxy. Or we can—"</p>
<p>"We can do this right, make sure the First Order never takes anyone ever again." Finn's voice is fierce; Poe was right about the other man's doubts and hopes he set them to rest.</p>
<p>"We are good at this kind of thing," Poe says. "Saving the galaxy and all. Now we can do it even better, without being on the run or sleeping in a cave."</p>
<p>Finn's eyes slip down to the necklace hanging from Poe's neck. "And that?"</p>
<p>Poe kisses the rest of Finn's doubts away. "I'm not taking it off just because we got a new job. So are we doing this?" He pauses. "General?"</p>
<p>Finn nods with that smile Poe loves so much. "We're doing this, <em>Admiral</em>."</p>
<p>Rey claps her hands together. "Yes! Can I join the hug?"</p>
<p>They laugh as they pull her close in between them. Poe holds them both tight, his heart full once again. He's going back to what he knows, with the people he loves. It really couldn't get any better.</p>
<p>Finn is the first to step back, and he is relaxed and happy now, a far cry from his initial skepticism. He picks up his drink and raises it as Poe scrambles for his. "To the New Republic, for finally getting it right."</p>
<p>Poe smiles as he toasts. Finn's not wrong, though it is a bit less optimistic than usual for him. "So where is this base and when is this happening?"</p>
<p>Rey finishes her drink before answering. "That's good," she says. "They're working on securing the ships—some will be transfers, some may be new. Personnel will be up to you. They want Finn in charge of the ground forces and Poe in charge of the fleet. As for a base…Ajan Kloss seems obvious, but I can tell by the look on your face you have something else in mind."</p>
<p>"It would make a good secondary outpost," Poe replies. "But it's not equipped to handle ships on such a permanent basis, not really. We could use someplace that has more permanent buildings, as well as a landing area and hangar, maybe even an orbital set up for security."</p>
<p>Finn is nodding, as if he's already figured out what Poe is thinking. Rey's eyes flicker back and forth between them. "Do you communicate telepathically now?" she asks. "Because clearly you both know something I don't."</p>
<p>"We know an even better location for a new base," Poe tells her. "Plenty of space, large hangar and landing area. Planet is already set up for security. Plus, it's been used for this sort of thing before." He glances at Finn, who matches his grin.</p>
<p>"And it's close," Finn adds. "Really close."</p>
<p>Rey still doesn't get it, so Poe puts his arm around her shoulder. "It's right here," he says, gesturing around them, his voice quiet as the realization sets in. The war is over, the past is behind, and Poe is ready to move on, to begin the next journey of life. To lead, protecting the freedom he fought so hard for, with Finn by his side.</p>
<p>"Yavin IV," Finn murmurs.</p>
<p>Poe pulls him close as well as he gazes out the window at their future.</p>
<p>"We're home."</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The End!</p>
<p>This story is near and dear to my heart. It was one of the first ideas I had when I joined the Finnpoe fandom over a year ago, but I knew I wasn't ready to write it. Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever write it—it felt too big, too complex. And now it's finally finished. It's fairly close to how I originally envisioned it, with a few exceptions, of course. I'm quite proud of it, I think. I hope you enjoyed it.</p>
<p>One final, tremendous thank-you to mssrj_335 for all their invaluable help, guidance, and support. This story would not exist if they had not helped me through many questions and tricky spots. Thank you, my friend, for helping me realize this!</p>
<p>And thank you to everyone who has read this tale. Your support kept me going, and I appreciate each and every comment. Thank you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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